Page 5 of Rancher’s Strength (Flying Diamond 5, #4)

Chapter Four

RYDER

M y back ached, and there was a crick in my neck that felt like it might last a lifetime.

I shifted on the bed, trying to ease the discomfort.

Something was cuddled up right next to my side.

I pried open my eyes and looked around, momentarily lost, unable to remember where I’d fallen asleep. Then it all came flooding back.

Sawyer was cuddled into my side, and I gently placed my hand on his back, hoping for maybe a brief moment that the boy wouldn’t remember what had happened yesterday.

While he was sleeping, his world was right, but that would all change the moment he opened his eyes.

To my left, Lexie had her arms around Ruby, and a tear rolled down my ex-wife’s cheek.

She wasn’t asleep, but she was trying desperately to be.

I didn’t move, I just stared up at the ceiling, letting my thoughts roll through my head and making a list of the things that would need to be done. The last time this had happened, it was Kipp’s dad, Miller, and Lexie had been by my side that time too.

There were more calls to make and funeral arrangements to handle.

Even though Anita and Hank were organized, someone still had to carry out their wishes, and that would be me.

I wasn’t going to put it on Lexie; she would need to stay with the kids.

A warm hand moved over my arm, and I looked into Lexie’s tear-filled brown eyes.

“Morning, sweetheart.” There was no reason to add good to the start, as there would be nothing good about today.

I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to call her sweetheart.

It just rolled off my tongue easier than her name.

When we were married, she joked she might as well change her name legally, since I never used her actual name.

I only called her Lexie if I needed her attention quickly, or if she was at work.

Alexandra was reserved for when I was exasperated or wanted to get a rise out of her.

“Morning,” her voice caught as more tears fell down her cheeks. “I don’t want to move,” she whispered.

“I know, neither do I,” I replied. Sawyer stirred, and I held my breath, but he just shifted and stayed asleep.

“I’ll take care of things today. There’s no need for both of us to go.

The kids don’t need to worry about any of this.

” I held my hand out for her, and I was sure she wouldn’t take it or that she’d slap it away, but she didn’t.

Her soft, delicate fingers wrapped around mine.

“Thank you.” The look in her eyes conveyed sincerity, and for a split second, I thought there was a hint of love, but it was fleeting, gone as quickly as it had appeared. She didn’t let go of my hand, and we continued to lay in the bed with two kids, who were now our responsibility.

Oh, god, we were responsible for these two kids for the rest of our lives.

This wasn’t a see you later when they turned eighteen, this was about being the two people who’d be there for every milestone from here on out.

I’d be the man to comfort Ruby through her first heartbreak and teach Sawyer how to tie a tie.

Did I even know how to tie a tie? I’d better figure it out.

Every milestone would remind them that Hank should have been doing all these things with them instead of me.

Something I’d never considered until now was that no matter how old they were, they would always wonder if their dad would have done things better.

All I could hope for was that I’d be enough for them and that I’d be able to honor him.

Then there’d be boyfriends or girlfriends, engagements, and weddings.

My heart raced at the thought of how my life had changed with a phone call.

What did I know about parenting? It’s not like I had any shining example throughout my life.

That wasn’t exactly true, Julie and Miller had been wonderful to me when I’d shown up on the ranch with Kipp and Griff and then just never left.

Gwen and Wes didn’t even bat an eye when Griff brought me home with him one time.

They gave me my own room, and Gwen made sure she had my favorite food on hand just in case I showed up at the door.

Smiling, I thought to myself, I’d be fine.

“Daddy?” Sawyer mumbled sleepily.

“No, pal, it’s just me.” Just me—what a sad thought. Before yesterday, I was cool Uncle Ryder, who took the kids to the ranch to ride horses and feed the bottle baby calves. And now I was just me.

“I want my dad,” Swayer sobbed as he buried his face in my side.

“I know, pal, I want that for you so much too.” It wasn’t a lie. I would have gladly taken Hank’s place just to spare these kids the heartbreak they would have to face for the rest of their lives.

“Why don’t we go find something for breakfast, and let the girls stay asleep?

” I asked him quietly. With a slight nod, I squeezed Lexie’s hand and moved off the bed, carrying Sawyer.

He had his arms wrapped tightly around my neck, and I wasn’t about to ask him to let go.

Taking the steps to the main floor slowly, I walked into the kitchen and stared.

“Can I have pizza?” he mumbled against my shoulder with a sniffle.

“Absolutely, you can.” Who was I to say no? “Can I put you down?” He shook his head, and I couldn’t help but let out a slight chuckle.

“Okay, then you’re going to have to hang on tightly.

” I moved toward the fridge and opened it, pulling out the pizza box from last night.

As I moved through the kitchen, I managed to warm up his breakfast with him still wrapped tightly against me.

I sat down, and Sawyer finally released me, but he ate his breakfast while sitting on my knee.

“What is this?” Lexie asked as she and Ruby came downstairs not long after. I hoped the noise I made hadn’t woken them.

“He wanted pizza for breakfast,” I said with a shrug, while Lexie glared at me.

“Do you think that is the best thing he could have eaten for breakfast?” she asked, crossing her arms and waiting for an answer.

“Well, I seem to recall you having pizza for breakfast many times over the years, sweetheart, so it can’t be that bad,” I said with a grin, wanting to laugh at the look on her face.

When she had pizza for breakfast, it was usually after a night of indulging too much or because she’d been up all night partying.

“Apparently, I can’t argue with the truth.” She wrapped her arms around Ruby’s shoulders. “Pizza?” Ruby nodded but didn’t smile.

“Come on, kid, have a seat while Auntie gets your food.” I pulled out the chair beside me and patted the seat. Ruby’s gaze never left the floor as she took the seat beside me. Glancing up, I caught Lexie’s eye and gave her a tense smile.

Once we were all seated around the table, I knew there were some hard discussions to have. The sooner we got them out of the way, the quicker we could deal with the emotions and make plans.

“Kids, Auntie Lexie and I have some big things to talk to you about, okay?” Both kids nodded, and I looked at Lexie, but she didn’t meet my eyes, so I guess this was up to me.

“When Ruby was just a baby, your parents asked Lexie and me if we’d be your guardians if something ever happened, and of course, we said yes.

Then Sawyer came along, and we said yes to him too.

And while we never thought we’d ever need to do this, here we are.

” Ruby dropped her fork and looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes and more tears.

I reached out to take her hand, and she clung to me.

“Your parents asked that we raise you in one house, the four of us together. But you know my life is on the ranch, so Auntie and I talked last night and decided we’d need to move there.

” I waited for some reaction from the kids, expecting them to say they didn’t want to leave this house, but it never came.

“Uncle Ryder, can we ride horses and see the cows?” His little voice broke my heart wide open.

“Every day if you want to,” I said as I hugged him with one arm.

“What about my friends?” Ruby asked.

“We can come back here anytime you want to see them. And there are lots of kids around the ranch, even some your age. My friend Jake has two girls, Libby and Skyla. Libby is the same age as you, and Skyla is a few years younger. Do you remember Griff?” I asked, not sure she would.

It had been a lot of years since they’d been on the ranch, but Ruby nodded.

“Well, he has a stepson a few years older than you, but I’m sure you’ll both get along well.

And Kipp has a boy named Cooper, who’s almost exactly the same age as Sawyer.

” When Nora came to the ranch and we celebrated Cooper’s birthday, it was easy to remember since it was just a few days from Sawyer’s.

“What about Mom and Dad?” Ruby asked quietly. She was eight, far too young to have to deal with funerals and death, but here we were.

“I’m also going to make arrangements to bring them to the ranch.

We have our own cemetery, and you can go there to talk to them any time you want.

” She didn’t need the details, and since I wasn’t quite sure of anything yet, I didn’t want to say more than that, but it seemed to appease her when she nodded.

Lexie didn’t look at me again for the rest of breakfast. Our tender moment in the room was over, and now it was back to silence and ignoring. This would be a difficult year.

With breakfast finished, I went down to Hank’s office and pored over the paperwork.

I noted the addresses of the places I’d need to visit.

I made the phone call to Hank’s workplace to notify them.

I hadn’t expected his boss to break down in tears on the other end of the line, but Hank just had that effect on people.

When I hung up, I felt exhausted, glancing at my watch, I was surprised to see it was only ten in the morning.

I was sure I’d worked right through lunch.

“I thought you might need this.” Lexie held up a steaming cup of coffee, and the rich aroma wafted through the office.

“Thank you.” Taking the cup from her, I brush my fingers over hers, and she lets go of the cup, as if I’d scalded her.

“So, what’s left to do? Both kids went for a nap. I didn’t know if I should let them, but they’re so tired.” She looked tired, too, and for only having gotten up a few hours ago, this was hard, just existing right now was hard.

“I think it’s okay, and we can deal with it later if they’re wired until midnight.

But at least when they’re asleep, they can forget everything that’s gone on.

” At least, I hoped that was the case. Neither of them had talked about nightmares, but the shock of it all still might be too fresh for that to happen.

As far as what’s left, I need to go to a few places. Hank’s work said they’d pack up his things. I called about a storage locker in Everton so we can have a place to keep all the things that we might need from the house or that we shouldn’t leave here.

“Can I get your keys? I’ll go do this running around and get things lined up with movers and stuff, but I need to borrow your car.”

“Yeah, keys are in my purse,” she said without giving it much thought.

“And you just want me to rifle through your purse to find them?” I asked as I stood, gathering the papers I thought might be needed.

“Oh, right, um, yeah, I suppose not.” Standing, she left the room and almost sprinted to the hallway. Frantically she dug through her disaster of a purse. Some things never changed, I thought to myself.

“Thanks,” I said, when she plunked them in my hand.