Page 23
CHAPTER 23
T he first flicker of unease crept up my spine as I searched through my pack, expecting the familiar rough texture of my disguise herbs and the little pot of ointment but instead finding only the worn fabric lining. My breath hitched, a chill unrelated to the evening air enveloping me.
No .
The pouch where I kept my collection of essential herbs and compounds—crucial to maintaining ’Ren’s’ appearance—was missing, along with the near-empty jar of premade paste. Panic began to seep in as I considered the possibilities. Had I misplaced it, or dropped it during today’s travel? No, I was meticulous with my belongings, always securing them with extra care to ensure nothing could be lost.
Which meant someone had taken it.
My heart raced as I discreetly scanned the camp, my gaze flitting from one comrade to another, before finally settling on Kael. He was ostensibly engrossed in sharpening his blade, but his sharp gaze met mine more frequently than chance would allow. Each look he sent my way intensified the unease twisting inside me. Could he be the culprit? Was he attempting to reveal my secret? The thought burrowed into my mind, a doubt impossible to uproot.
Feigning a calm I didn’t feel, I rummaged through my belongings again, hoping desperately I had simply overlooked the pouch. When the search once more proved futile, I emptied the contents onto the ground, my eyes frantically scanning over every item as my breath began to come in quick gasps. Panic clamped cold fingers around my throat as the reality set in: the herbs that were essential for my masquerade were truly gone.
In my paranoia Kael’s watchful eyes felt oppressively heavy, his expression appearing almost smug to my suspicious imagination. If he was the one behind his motives eluded me, but the suspicion rooted itself more deeply.
As dusk deepened into night, my anxiety escalated. The herbs I needed weren’t just rare, but chosen for their potency and effectiveness in maintaining my disguise. Replacing them in the wilderness would be a daunting task, especially with my unfamiliarity with the area’s foliage. Yet urgency dictated I at least try; common herbs might suffice to cobble together a weaker illusion that would certainly be better than nothing at all.
My disguise weakened with each passing hour; I knew that by morning Ren would fade, the illusion of my masculine features as well as the faint stubble along my jaw dissolving into my true feminine features to reveal the truth I wasn’t ready to share.
Desperation spurred me into action. I warily eyed the sinister shadows stretching from the trees, weighing my options. I yearned to ask Darcel to accompany me, but he was currently absorbed in discussion with Sir Jiang over a map, and would be difficult to involve without raising suspicion; whatever excuse we might concoct to explore together so late at night might be just as exposing as my fading disguise. The urgency of maintaining my secret compelled me to venture out alone, despite the potential risk.
I waited for a moment when everyone was occupied and quietly slipped away from camp, Lumis clutched in one hand. My goal was to scour the surrounding woods in hopes of finding replacements for the herbs essential to my illusion spell or, at the very least, something to delay the degradation of my disguise. As I ventured into the night’s cool embrace, I thought I sensed Kael’s watchful gaze tracking my every move.
The forest at night transformed into a mysterious realm where sounds and shadows wove together into a tapestry beneath the darkness. My footsteps were hushed against the soft earth, barely perceptible as I stealthily navigated under a canopy dappled with starlight filtering through the leaves. Each rustle in the underbrush and each snap of a twig breaking the silence sent a jolt of tension through me, echoing like a warning of a potential pursuer lurking nearby.
Yet strangely, amidst the gripping fear, part of me felt invigorated. My herbalist instincts awoke, finely tuned to the whispers and silent songs of the plants around me, imbuing me with unexpected confidence. My fingers brushed against the foliage, my eyes searching the underbrush beneath the dim light for the familiar shapes and patterns of useful herbs. Lumis obligingly illuminated my path but was silent when I begged for inspiration on choosing plants; I wasn’t sure whether he didn’t possess extensive herbal knowledge or whether he was refusing to aid me in my continued deceit.
I continued deeper into the woods, the bundle of herbs I carried growing heavier and my victory over each acquisition marred by the growing realization of their inadequacy; none of these plants were potent enough to replicate the spell I desperately needed. Without my original supplies, by dawn, Ren would permanently vanish.
Lost in my search, time slipped away unnoticed. The forest thickened around me, the trees seeming to close in, as if guarding their secrets. Although I had picked a remote spot well away from the main path and hadn’t noticed anyone following, with each step I couldn’t shake the persistent sensation of being watched.
As I knelt in a moonlit clearing to examine a promising cluster of ferns, a twig snapped underfoot, setting my heart racing. I froze, listening intently as Lumis flared brightly in warning. Another slow, deliberate step shattered the symphony of the night. I slowly turned to see Kael emerging from the shadows, this spot too secluded for his presence to be coincidental. I rose to my feet, drawing the hood of my cloak up to shield my features from view as I faced him warily.
His expression was unreadable, but his eyes caught the moonlight with a chilling sharpness. “Well, this is an unexpected encounter.” His tone feigned surprise, but something about his manner suggested he’d anticipated he’d find me here, as if every step I had taken was all part of some carefully laid plan.
My heart pounded wildly in trepidation for the encounter I’d been subconsciously expecting ever since finding my herbs missing, and with every prickle against the back of my neck as I traversed the woods, suspecting I was being followed. “What are you doing here?” I stammered.
He chuckled, a dark sound uncharacteristic with the friendliness I’d come to associate with him. “You thought your absence would go unnoticed? The entire entourage is looking for you after we realized you were missing.”
Undoubtedly Darcel’s doing. The man was too protective for his own good.
Kael surveyed the growing pile of herbs beside me with a critical eye. “Seems like a strange time to be out gathering when you could just wait until morning. Looking for something specific… Ren? ” His usually warm voice now carried a sharp edge that hadn’t been there before, an emphasis on my name, as though he knew it wasn’t my true identity.
My mind raced for a plausible excuse, but the isolation of our surroundings left little room for pretense. “Just gathering some herbs.” I knew the explanation hardly clarified why I had chosen such a late hour and had strayed so far from camp. “The ones I need are best picked beneath the moonlight.”
I strove to keep my voice steady despite the tremor of fear that threatened to betray me. Kael had never given me reason to think he’d harm me, but our encounter felt too orchestrated to be mere chance, signaling that he wanted something…and I was alone with a man whose motives were now shadowed by doubt. His assurance that we were alone chilled me more than the evening air.
Kael stepped closer, his gaze flicking first to my hands—stained with soil and sap, the physical evidence of my desperation—then to the bundle in my arms, and finally back to my face. “I can’t imagine what herbs would be worth such a risk. These woods can be tricky—easy to lose one’s way…or one’s self.” His words felt loaded with implication, probing for a reaction. “Or is there another reason you’re so far from camp, Ren? ” Once again he emphasized my assumed name in a way that sent a shiver down my spine, making the shadowy forest around us feel even more foreboding.
I rose slowly to my feet, forcing a calm I didn’t feel, my hands clenched at my sides to still their trembling. I struggled to speak, but fear thickened my throat, trapping my words.
Kael advanced another step. “Ren isn’t your real name, is it? Nor does anyone but me know you’re here; your fiercely independent nature finally works in my favor. Now let’s stop this charade, shall we?”
His tone was laced with a controlled intensity that cinched my chest. He reached into his bag, pulling out a bundle of my herbs and the essential components of my disguise…the lifeline in this masquerade that had gone missing.
A smirk twisted his lips. “Looking for these?”
The color drained from my face at the sight of my stolen materials. Denials welled up within me, but Kael’s knowing, calculated look told me they would be futile. I swallowed hard, my mind scrambling for a way out, but he didn’t even give me the chance to fabricate a lie.
“I’m not blind, nor am I a fool. Your disguise is fading, and without these”—he tauntingly waved my materials—“you’re not our comrade Ren, but just a deceitful apothecary’s daughter pretending to be something she’s not.”
“How did you know?” Had he uncovered information about me somewhere along our trek? Though for that paranoia, I already knew part of the answer. He’d been watching me, piecing together his suspicions until he was sure…confirming that the one I should have been worried about had been him all along.
“I’ve had my doubts for a while,” Kael said, his voice softer now but no less dangerous. “But in the end, you don’t make a very convincing man.”
My pride stung. Even under the guise of magic, my efforts at deception had fallen short. Yet his vague suspicions weren’t enough to compel me to give up. “That’s hardly proof,” I countered in a feeble effort at bravado.
“Oh, you want more?” His voice softened, tinged with a mix of regret and resolution as he recounted the details of his discovery. “I was just returning from a swim down the stream when I saw you by the pond. The moon was high, bathing everything in its glow. You were standing there, your movements graceful and deliberate as you brushed your hair, untangling each strand with such care and distinct grace. You were looking at your reflection, twisting your hair into a meticulous bun. The way you checked each angle wasn’t the preparation of a man, but intimate, as if you were preparing to meet someone special. There was a beauty in that moment…not just in what I saw, but in the raw truth of your identity, an unintentional confession of who you really are.”
His eyes held mine a moment, searching for any sign of denial…before his gaze darted away, as if uncomfortable by his detailed observations, an odd contrast with his earlier sinister tone.
My heart thrashed against my ribs, a wild drum of panic. I wanted to refute his narrative, but shock had momentarily stolen my voice. My cheeks burned as Kael pieced together his observations, his account too detailed to be fabricated.
The memory he’d described occurred just last night, the evening following after Darcel and I had shared our first kiss. We’d arranged to meet for a romantic stroll during his turn for the night watch. Thrilled about our new relationship and finally being seen as the woman I was, I’d taken extra care to look my best, retreating to a secluded spot by the pond to primp in peace.
After witnessing something so condemning, it was no surprise that Kael had chosen the next evening to confront me, using this final piece of evidence to challenge my disguise…meaning my closely guarded secret was now in the hands of someone I wasn’t sure I could trust. His challenging stare dared me to continue my denial, but I was suddenly weary from the burden of my constant charade.
I released a shaky sigh, conceding defeat. His smirk broadened, smug in victory. “I appreciate that despite your fierce pride, you can recognize when you’ve lost.”
“What do you want?” I asked, my tone composed despite my raging turmoil.
He smiled, though it lacked warmth. “A simple arrangement beneficial to us both.”
A cold shiver trickled down my spine as I grasped his implication. “Blackmail?” Despite my efforts, my voice wavered.
“Think of it as insurance,” Kael countered smoothly, coaxingly. "You keep my secrets, and I’ll keep yours.”
His words were calculated, designed to manipulate; I hated that part of me considered his twisted proposal. Yet beneath his confident guise, I detected a hint of hesitation, as if his heart wasn’t entirely in the deceit he peddled.
I lifted my chin defiantly. “And if I refuse to cooperate?”
“Then I suppose the prince learns how his trusted herbalist has deceived him from the start. I’d hate to see the fallout from such a revelation.”
I smirked, seizing the opportunity to shift the balance in my favor. “A conniving threat, but unfortunately for you one that is ineffective, considering he already knows.”
His initial shock gave me a fleeting sense of triumph. Kael scrutinized me, searching for deceit, but upon realizing the truth in my words, he quickly recovered. “Even so, there are still plenty of others who don’t, nor can you escape the consequences. Despite the prince’s efforts to protect you, he can’t shield you from the court’s whispers, the distrust, or the damage to your and his reputations once the kingdom learns that a woman accompanied this quest and spent time alone with the prince…as well as another man.”
His words were a harsh dose of reality. The potential ramifications of my secret becoming public would affect not just me but also my father, our apothecary…and most worryingly Darcel.
“And consider the prince’s position—his reputation is at far greater risk than yours,” Kael pressed, his voice sharpening. “What will people say when they learn he’s been compromised by his involvement with you? Rather than embarking on this quest for Lumeria’s benefit, he’s been gallivanting with a woman-in-disguise. His actions could be seen not just as personal folly but as a betrayal of his royal duties.”
He paused, letting the weight of his words sink in. The implications twisted my stomach, far surpassing the dread of my own exposure. “But that’s not what's happened—” I tried to interject, but Kael’s cold laughter cut me off.
“The truth of the matter is irrelevant. In the eyes of the court and the gossipmongers, perception is reality. I have enough influence and presence on this quest to spin the narrative any way I choose.” Despite his relentless attack, I sensed more hesitation in his words than before, as if he stood at a crossroads facing a path he wasn’t entirely certain he wanted to go down.
The potential harm to Darcel given his vulnerabilities and his efforts to prove his worth resonated deeply within me. My heart ached at the possibility that my defiance of Kael’s demands could undermine the man I loved. My determination faltered, motivated less by my own concerns than by the man I loved, as I confronted the harsh truth that yielding to Kael might be the only way to shield us both from severe repercussions.
The tension hung heavy between us, as suffocating as the dampness of the surrounding woods. It was clear Kael had orchestrated this confrontation with chilling precision. I was trapped by his machinations, an advantage he was fully aware of.
Reluctantly, my resistance crumbled under the pressure of his threats. Recognizing that my options were severely limited, I reluctantly nodded. “Fine,” I conceded bitterly. “We will keep each other’s secrets.”
Kael’s smile was strained, his eyes devoid of genuine satisfaction—a curious response for someone who seemingly held the upper hand. “Wise decision,” he acknowledged, his tone softer but laced with a hollow camaraderie that did nothing to mask the power he believed he wielded over me.
“What do you need from me?” I asked, my voice laden with resignation.
Kael scrutinized me, his expression calculating as he considered how to articulate his demands. “I need banebreaker draught.”
He spoke the name in a hushed tone that indicated he understood the gravity of what he sought. My breath caught in surprise. That particular elixir was complex and fraught with risk, part of my advanced herbal studies but one I’d never actually brewed; I had never found myself in a situation that would demand a spell so complicated and dangerous.
Kael’s request allowed me to begin to piece together the broader implications of his plan, and for the first time in our exchange I understood why he’d resorted to blackmail. I reassessed him, noting a flicker of uncertainty beneath his controlled facade. Despite his coercive tactics, it seemed his confidence in my herbal skills was genuine—or perhaps he was simply desperate.
His hand unconsciously went to his arm and I narrowed my eyes, imagining the blight masked by his sleeve that was undoubtedly the source of his demands. “Can you brew it?” His voice betrayed a hint of doubt, revealing his inner turmoil not just over the potion but perhaps over the manipulation itself.
“It requires very specific, rare ingredients,” I said cautiously. “I don’t have them.”
“I’ll provide what you need; all I need is for you to prepare them and perform the magic.”
Questions burned my tongue but for the moment I held them back. The depth of blackmail had deepened, creating a complex situation that surpassed my ability to manage alone, intertwining with demands that stretched the very limits of my capabilities.
“I’ve never brewed it before,” I admitted. “But I know the theory. If you can trust my skills, I’ll attempt it.”
It wasn’t a promise I was entirely certain I could keep, and by his sudden reservation, he sensed my uncertainty. “I’ll be waiting.” He held up my pouch of herbs and disguise materials, a reminder of the stakes involved.
The game had changed, and I had to adjust my strategy accordingly.
The weight of our encounter lingered long after Kael’s departure, pressing down on me with the heavy realization that I needed more than my own wits to navigate this predicament. The woman who was once fiercely independent now had someone she could depend on to help shoulder burdens that were too heavy to bear alone. It was time to seek help, to rely on the trust I had built with Darcel…for whatever lay ahead for the two of us, I knew I could trust him to walk through it with me.