Page 12

CHAPTER 12

Mei

L ow, whispered tones gently lured me from sleep. Prince Darcel’s voice penetrated my drowsiness, almost like a lullaby that rose above Sir Jiang and Kael’s gruffer tones. Distance muffled their voices, making it difficult to hear their conversation, but a few words drifted to where I lay in the adjoining room.

“… certain he can be trusted? ”

I stiffened and slowly sat up, inclining my ear in their direction, as if the gesture would allow more of their conversation to stretch across the distance separating us and reach where I silently waited.

“Of course I trust him.” Prince Darcel’s defense followed without any hint of hesitation. My heart warmed, an emotion nearly overshadowed by lingering guilt over how I’d previously treated him.

Cynicism nourished by years of darkness made me briefly wonder if the prince knew I was awake and eavesdropping, and only spoke his defense to put on a show. But I no longer gave credence to these negative thoughts, remnants of the lingering darkness that had once filled the land.

Deep down I realized he had no way of knowing I could overhear him, so his genuine defense only reinforced the decision I'd made beneath the sakura's canopy of pink blossoms, allowing me to release my remaining reservations and fully trust him. Embracing this trust brought a peace I—consumed as I had been with defensiveness—hadn't known was missing, allowing sleep to finally claim me after several long, exhausting days.

I woke up some time later to streams of sunshine falling in golden slants across my face, warming my skin. My fingers drifted up to caress the rays and I suppressed a gasp as I brushed against my smooth, feminine skin. I hastily sat up and reapplied my illusion; the scent of herbs filled the air and my face tingled as it morphed and molded my features back into my disguise.

I checked my small hand mirror, examining my masculine appearance from all angles. My shoulders sank in relief. That had been too close a call. Luckily my back faced the doorway and it was unlikely the others midst their busyness would have checked on me, but I would have to be more vigilant in the future.

The others waited in the adjoining chamber. Kael offered a smile that seemed less sincere now that I knew he’d been a participant in Sir Jiang’s suspicions, while the guard cast me his usual dark glower that revealed the full extent of his impatience at being forced to wait.

The prince’s presence beckoned my attention, an invitation that was impossible to resist. I stole a shy peek and was met with his kind look that caused my heart to give a pleasant flutter. His returning smile was as warm. “You’re awake.”

I shifted shyly. “How long was I asleep?”

“Not long at all.”

Sir Jiang responded to Prince Darcel’s assurances with a gruff snort I did my best to ignore.

I glanced out the window. By the sun’s measurement, it was nearly noon. “It’s this late? You should have woken me sooner.”

Prince Darcel waved away my apology. “Our delayed start won’t put us too far behind; progress would have been slow if I’d woken you too soon. Are you sure you’re sufficiently rested?” His concerned eyes caressed my face as he stepped closer, awashing me in his alluring proximity. “You appear flushed. Are you alright?”

He reached out and gently brushed against my forehead, as if checking for a fever. Despite the innocence of the gesture, heat flared at his touch. I staggered back, nearly tripping in my haste to create much needed distance.

Confusion furrowed his brow. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I stammered, hoping he couldn’t hear the rapid, uneven rhythm of my pounding heart.

His frown deepened. “But you’re rather warm. You’re not sick, are you?”

His consideration was making it increasingly difficult not to like him—friendship was one thing, romance was quite another—but resistance was becoming a fight my heart no longer wanted to endure. “The sunlight was on my face while I slept.” My heated blush deepened my skin, as if desperate to contradict my weak excuse and reveal the true reason for my fluster to the man who had caused it.

Desperate for distance, I hastily went to the other room to pack, but to my horror he followed, as if determined to torture me. He crouched beside me and I stilled, my breath catching as he leaned closer, awashing me in his piney scent. “What is it?” My breathless voice sounded too feminine to my ears.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” His low tone seemed to reach inside me, curling around my heart. I averted my face so he couldn’t see the way he affected me.

Unable to speak, I simply nodded.

“I know the impatience I displayed at the beginning of our journey as well as my insistence on haste might make you feel obligated to adhere to a strenuous timetable, but it was wrong for me to push you beyond what you were capable of. Please don’t exert yourself beyond your strength.”

The gentle apology lured my gaze back to his face, filled with a sincerity that surprised me. “With how much I disregarded your title and fought against your desires and orders in the beginning, do you believe I would concede now?”

A slow, crooked smile toyed the edges of his mouth. “That is strangely reassuring. If you’re certain, then we’ll leave as soon as you’re ready.” He finally departed.

It took me a moment to recover from the effects rendered by his proximity before I could resume rolling up my futon and rejoin the others waiting at the temple entrance. Kael approached with a map, but though he stood closer than Prince Darcel had moments ago, my body didn’t react to his presence.

“While you were asleep we went over the travel plans. This is our planned course to reach ginsei-zan peak.” He traced the route from the temple up the mountain. Despite my inexperience in navigation, I could tell it would take at least several days to reach our next destination.

Though I fought to keep my expression impassive, I couldn’t entirely mask my worry. Sir Jiang noticed and sighed. “The trek will be more arduous than the one to reach this temple.” I heard the implication veiled in his words: he doubted I could handle it.

I lifted my chin, striving to appear confident. “I will do my best not to hold up the group.”

He frowned, clearly unconvinced. Prince Darcel stepped forward. “Ren has already proved himself capable. We must trust him, and also offer our assistance when needed.”

He cast me a smile, as if ensuring I’d noticed his attempt at camaraderie, but I turned my back to him…not because I was unhappy with his efforts, but because returning his grin would cause me to venture further into dangerous territory than I likely had the strength to endure. His coming to my defense for a second time and show of friendliness was doing nothing to help my resolve to maintain a professional relationship; anything deeper had no place between us when I was currently masquerading as a boy.

Unfortunately he misinterpreted my gesture as a dismissal. I heard his quiet sigh, but he didn’t force his presence on me, for which I felt a mixture of gratitude and a secret sadness.

I obsessively mulled over the interaction as I approached the temple’s inner sanctum to return Lumis to its resting place before our departure. However upon reaching the alcove where I’d found him, I felt an uncharacteristic heaviness settle in my chest, as if in resistance. Leaving the lantern behind seemed logical—after all, carrying it further would only add unnecessary weight to our journey.

Yet as I prepared to set it down, a flicker of doubt whispered through my mind, compelling me to reconsider. Should I bring it with me after all?

In answer, the temple’s shadows seemed to stretch towards the lantern with an almost palpable yearning, urging me to leave it behind…as if the curse’s subtle influence at slipped inside these sacred walls to weave through the dim light, sowing seeds of discouragement.

As I stood deliberating, a sudden warmth from the lantern pulsed against my palms—a comforting glow against the creeping darkness, subtly encouraging me to bring the enchanted lantern with me throughout the duration of our quest. With a resolving breath, I tightened my grip on Lumis, deciding to trust the instinct that urged me to keep the lantern close. With Lumis cradled securely under my arm, I turned away from the sanctum and met with the others waiting at the temple entrance. Upon seeing the lantern they lifted their eyebrows in silent question, but didn’t object to its presence.

When we began our descent, the temple’s mystical presence and ornate, dragon-carved eaves became obscured by the thick, rolling mist that perpetually cloaked the lower reaches of the mountain—concealing it until I or another of my descendants ventured here again, an invisible guardian watching over the winding paths and verdant slopes that spread below.

Ginsei-zan loomed in the distance, its majestic peak capped with perpetual snow that shimmered like scattered silver beneath sunlight’s touch. From our vantage point, it was but a delicate outline against the broader canvas of the sky, a reminder of the arduous journey that lay ahead.

The first part of our pilgrimage was uneventful and relatively easy, given my recent rest and the strengthening draft I’d taken prior to setting out. We spent several hours meandering down the slope. The path from the temple was narrow and treacherous, weaving through dense patches of bamboo and overgrown ferns. Ancient moss-covered lanterns lined the trail, their once-bright lights now just faint glimmers in the fog, guiding our cautious steps down the steep incline as the wet stones and twisted roots sought to betray our footing.

By the time we reached the base of the mountain, our legs were weary. We took a brief respite beside the cold and rejuvenating waters of a clear mountain stream rushing towards the land below, but with only a few hours of daylight remaining we soon pressed on, to the disappointment of my aching legs.

The valley unfolded before us, a vast tapestry of grasslands dotted with clusters of cherry trees and the occasional shimmer of a small lake, with wildflowers adding a splash of vibrant color across the green expanse. Our path wound through rice paddies that mirrored the expansive sky, their surfaces still and tranquil. The gentle terrain was less formidable, the open spaces beckoning us to quicken our pace, even as the stunning vista invited us to linger.

Conversation flowed as the day passed, but I kept quiet, finding it awkward to draw closer to the comrades who found me suspicious and afraid to draw closer to the man I wanted to know better. Instead I took the opportunity to appreciate the light’s enchanting dance across the vivid landscape and study the unique herbs growing alongside the path as we journeyed through the valley.

My eyes were instinctively drawn to the rich assortment of herbs that flourished in this verdant landscape. To the untrained eye, the undergrowth appeared as a blur of green, but to me each plant whispered its identity and purpose.

Nestled quietly under the canopy of sakura blossoms were patches of delicate blue flowers known as aoiki hana , clusters of noctis root grew in abundance along the water’s edge, while in sunnier spots, hikari sou’s vibrant yellow petals bloomed profusely. I paused occasionally to gather senshin so , a mint-like herb hidden among the rocks, revered for enhancing clarity of mind and senses…something I desperately needed thanks to the prince’s influence.

Each herb was a familiar friend, their presence comforting and their applications deeply ingrained in my memory from years of study and practice. This natural bounty not only deepened my connection to the landscape but also offered silent reassurance of the mountain's enduring life force, a testament to the land’s resilience despite the lingering shadows of the curse raging beneath the surface.

Despite my attempts at distraction, my gaze repeatedly darted towards the prince walking several paces ahead as he followed Kael’s tracking. The temptation to converse with him grew with every step, eventually punctuated by Lumis’s impatient sigh from my lantern’s place tied to my satchel.

“Talking with him doesn’t mean you’ll fall in love with him.” By its tired tone, the tug-of-war between my fears and desires had exhausted him too.

Defensiveness immediately rose. I’m not worried that I’ll fall in love with him!

Lumis’s skepticism stretched across our thoughts.

What would you know? I silently huffed. You’re merely a lantern .

“One who happens to have the ability to illuminate the corners of your heart that you’re determined to keep hidden.” Thankfully it said nothing more, leaving me no distraction from my secret wish to converse with Prince Darcel seducing my resolve.

Soon another diversion tempted my thoughts to meander down rather dangerous paths. As the sun rose higher the day became hot and muggy, and soon the suppressing heat grew unbearable. I quickly drained my water supply, leaving my throat parched.

For all my steadfastly ignoring the prince, he seemed to be paying particular attention to me, casting me several worried glances that only endeared him further. I scarcely had time to endure my acute thirst when he was at my side. Without a word he silently extended his still-full canister. Desperation pleaded I take it, but I eyed the spout where his lips had touched and shook my head.

He sighed. “Now is not the time to fight me. We won’t reach fresh water until we ascend the next ridge. Stop being stubborn and just take it.”

He forced it into my hands. In the end my dry throat eclipsed my embarrassment at sharing his canister and I gratefully drank. He monitored me until he’d deemed I’d drunk enough before nodding in approval.

“I’m glad that even you can be cooperative when the need arises.”

Naturally such a comment lured my stubbornness from its uncharacteristic dormancy. I tried to shove the canister back at him as he turned away, but only succeeded in sloshing some of the precious water over the rim and brushing against his hand, sending a jolt across my skin at the contact.

“I can’t take a prince’s only source of water.” But my protests were weak in the face of my thirst, and I instinctively clutched his canister close.

He glanced back, eyebrow half-raised. “Oh, now you care about my royal title?” With a wink he walked ahead.

It took a dazed moment of gaping before I recovered enough to come to my senses with a growl of frustration. “Stupid, considerate prince.”

By Prince Darcel’s responding chuckle, he’d heard my dark mutter, but at this point he seemed to find my antics amusing, leaving me entirely defenseless against his aggravating charm…not that I would concede the battle so easily.

My lantern, however, wasn’t fooled. “You seem to be doing quite well in your valiant attempts not to fall for him,” Lumis remarked with overt cheerfulness.

Your sarcasm isn’t helping the situation .

Thankfully the lantern made no further commentary, but it seemed to be keeping an annoyingly close eye on the feelings whirling through my heart that no amount of examination would help me to understand.

I had harbored a faint hope that our earlier interactions would be the last of the aggravating day, allowing me enough respite to regain my composure. But it seemed that fate—or some mischievous spirit of the mountain—had other plans, intent on testing my resolve to its limits.

The day grew hotter as the sun climbed higher, and the air became thick with moisture, clinging to our skin with relentless persistence. The oppressive humidity tightened its hold around us like a suffocating cloak as we reached the base of the next mountain and began our arduous trek up the steep incline. This challenge might have been manageable if another trial hadn’t presented itself in an unexpectedly distracting form—in a bid to combat the stifling heat, the prince and his guard pragmatically decided to shed their shirts, revealing their bare chests to my innocent gaze, while Kael merely unbuttoned his, letting it hang open to catch the breeze.

Sir Jiang and Kael were both robust and well-conditioned from their years of training, their well-defined lines glistening with sweat beneath the sun’s harsh gaze. I hastily averted my eyes and tried to focus on the path ahead, yet nothing could have prepared me for the sight of Prince Darcel following suit.

The moment he pulled his shirt over his head and revealed a torso sculpted with fine muscles that spoke of royal discipline and the grace of a warrior, my heart faltered in its rhythm. His sun-kissed skin seemed to glow with a golden hue, each muscle exquisitely defined beneath the light. It wasn’t just his physical appearance that tormented me, but the unguarded moments when he wiped the sweat from his brow or stretched his arms—causing every muscle to flex and shift—that truly tested my wits.

The sight momentarily silenced my tumultuous thoughts. I hadn't realized I’d stopped in my tracks to stare until Sir Jiang gave me a gentle nudge from behind, prompting me to move forward. The prince’s casual display unknowingly intensified the ache of my concealed growing feelings, causing a part of me to regret the need to maintain a facade of indifference. The unbearable agony of seeing Prince Darcel in all his bare-chested glory was far more excruciating than any physical hardship the mountain could impose.

How unfair that the prince is not only considerate, but handsome and fit, as if His Highness is conspiring for me to like him . When I’d resolved to take my father’s place on this quest, whatever hardships I’d imagined hadn’t extended to torture such as this .

I could almost sense Lumis’s taunting smirk to my silent bemoaning. “I doubt even your defenses are strong enough to withstand such an attack. Good luck.”

Determined to win the challenge my lantern had posed, I tried to redirect my focus to the uneven ground beneath my feet or the distant peaks that framed the horizon. Yet my eyes betrayed me, drawn irresistibly back to Prince Darcel, lingering on the sweat that traced paths down his chest, each drop a tantalizing distraction.

With every step the struggle grew: the battle to keep my gaze averted, the effort to still the fluttering in my chest, and the constant nagging fear that my feelings would somehow reveal themselves, betraying not just my identity but the depth of my unspoken affections.

Kael eventually added a new worry to my consuming thoughts, his sideways glance in my direction shrewd. “Aren’t you going to take your shirt off too?”

The innocent question shattered my previous sense of security in my belief that our interaction in the lake hadn’t exposed my true identity, as if I needed another burden midst my current of weakness. “I’m not hot,” I panted, fighting to ignore the dropping sweat that stung my eyes, contradicting my insistences.

He smirked. “You’re rather modest for a man .”

My heart flared. I instinctively wrapped my arms around my body like a shield, as if to add an extra layer of protection to my feminine body. The situation grew more dire when his observation drew Prince Darcel’s attention. He slowed, falling back to match my pace so he could better peer into my face.

“You don’t look so good. Perhaps we should stop to rest.”

“I’m fine,” I managed breathlessly. The next flat area where the trail evened out wasn’t too far off. I kept my gaze locked on it, focusing on putting one exhausted foot in front of another.

He sighed. “You’re not fine. There’s no shame in resting early?—”

I suddenly tripped over an overgrown root and he instinctively grabbed me to keep me from falling, pulling my body against his and allowing me to feel every firm contour of the chest I’d previously only been able to admire from afar. My breath caught.

My first instinct was to pull away, but I couldn’t move, trapped as a willing prisoner in his embrace, his hand loosely holding mine to keep me steady. There was nothing romantic about the gesture—I had often seen the boys in my neighborhood in such proximity during moments of training or playful wrestling—yet I felt not only vulnerable, but filled with an acute desire to snuggle closer.

Our gazes remained locked, his whirling with worry while mine seeped into his dark, soulful eyes. Heat rose to my cheeks, causing his brows to furrow.

“You really are quite flushed. I don’t want you getting heat stroke. Come to the shade.”

He tried to lead me to a copse of trees growing alongside the mountain but I yanked my hand from his with such force I nearly lost my balance again, forcing him to once more step closer to steady me.

He chuckled. “You’re not very coordinated, are you? It won’t help your cause in trying to win this battle with me—it’s only increasing my insistence that you take a moment to rest.”

I scarcely heard him, my mind whirling. Close, much too close. I could feel the cocoon created by his firm arms, almost hear his steady heartbeat. Bridging just a few inches would allow me to nestle against his skin and feel its gentle pulse against my cheek; I only resisted the temptation created by my irrationality with the knowledge that such proximity would expose my female body that my illusion spell had been unable to conceal.

“Ren? Are you alright?”

Mouth dry, I couldn’t answer him, trapped in this moment with him. My hands held his arms in an attempt to steady myself, while his chest directly in front of my gaze gave me full view of his muscles. They beckoned my touch, and unable to resist I found myself hypnotically tracing one.

He stiffened before jerking back with such force I nearly lost my uneven footing in his desperate speed to get away as if I’d burned him. “What are you doing?”

Mortification seized my breath. “I—” For a moment I couldn’t speak, simply staring in horror at his bewilderment as I scrambled for any excuse to explain myself. “I—I’m rather scrawny and was just admiring the efforts of your training, hoping one day I too could—” My fumbled words clogged my throat and I fell silent.

He continued to stare, his expression hardened to the stoic mask he’d worn when we’d first met.

“Then perhaps I can help you train sometime during our excursion, but next time make such a request in words, not in any untoward advances.” Without another word he hurried ahead, in his haste to get away entirely forgetting he had promised we could rest, as if my awkwardness made him suddenly desperate for distance. But while he could escape me physically, I couldn’t as easily escape the sight of his bare back that had been the cause of this most recent disaster.

This journey seemed to be as much about conquering the mountain within me as it was about reaching ginsei-zan’s summit. Whatever silent war that raged within my heart, it was one that after today I feared I’d already lost.