CHAPTER 14

I n the moonlit garden’s ethereal glow, starlight shimmered across the words of the next riddle I’d just uncovered during the long hours of the night watch through my enchanted herbal revealing spell. However, the silvery glisten did little to illuminate their meaning: In the belly of the world, under stone skies long unturned, find the fire that never dies, where ancient wisdom burned .

I mulled over each word, but deciphering them was proving far more difficult than when I’d solved the puzzle leading to the moonsilver herb’s location. The first riddle had relied upon my herbal knowledge, but from what I could understand about this clue, the next element needed to break the curse didn’t involve a plant but a different ingredient entirely, one which extended beyond my realm of experience.

I set the scroll aside and tilted my head back to take in the vast expanse of night. My companions slept around me, their soft snores penetrating the tranquil stillness found atop the peak where we’d set up camp. The soothing, rhythmic sound caused my eyes to droop but I forced myself to keep them open, my stubborn need to prove myself capable of the responsibility currently resting on my shoulders an effective motivation to stave off sleep.

When I’d volunteered for the first night watch, I had been met with skepticism from Sir Jiang and mild amusement from Kael, yet I persisted in the face of their doubt; since our quest had begun I was the only member who had yet to take a turn in this essential duty.

Despite my concerns about having enough energy for tomorrow’s travel after staying awake all night, I knew tonight would be best time for the task: tomorrow’s itinerary would be considerably easier considering we would be traveling downwards rather than scaling a mountain, a fact which relieved me beyond the respite that would come from an easier travel day. I was tired of being seen as weak.

I didn’t need Lumis to peer inside my heart to illuminate the deeper reason my pride had volunteered for tonight’s watch—it wasn’t the entourage’s approval I sought but that of the prince. More than his good opinion, I wanted to lessen his burden in a way that extended beyond offering my wisdom; I yearned to contribute to the physical tasks the quest demanded, my way of giving back after all the support he’d rendered on my behalf.

During our journey I’d secretly observed Prince Darcel’s resilience enough to see how much he shouldered as our leader…a burden made heavier due to my incompetency. He seemed to have adopted a big brother role in his determination to look out for me, and though I was grateful for his help a familial relationship was the last I wanted from him—serving as a surrogate younger brother made the romantic relationship I longed to cultivate with him even more impossibly out of reach.

Midst these weighty worries, there was comforting solitude in being the only one awake in such a sacred place, with the moon and stars as my sole companions. I welcomed their gentle light, a cool illumination alongside Lumis’s warmer glow. Even after a lifetime of enduring the cursed night I still found the darkness unsettling when alone, the oppressive shadows bringing back memories of those difficult years feeling trapped as the kingdom awaited the light’s return each morning…a hope never realized until our new queen finally dispelled the curse with her magic.

The reminder of that prolonged darkness made this moment beneath the star-speckled sky all the more precious. The moonsilver herbs’ soft luminescence cast a serene silver glow, beneath whose reverent stillness the quiet pulse of magic flowed, a wordless symphony that washed over me in a wave of nostalgia. The plants whispered in a language reminiscent of home—felt more than heard, each leaf and blossom stirring memories of my father and the apothecary we nurtured together.

The garden around me seemed to breathe with the life of all the plants I had ever known, each one a thread woven into the tapestry of my apothecary’s life. My fingers traced the soft petals of the nearby blossoms clustered along the edge of the pond whose clear surface reflected the starry sky. The tactile sensations transported me back to the cluttered warmth of our shop. I could almost smell the familiar blend of herbs, hear the gentle clink of glass as my father meticulously ground dried leaves, his voice a comforting hum as he recited each plant’s properties, an integral part of my childhood’s soundscape.

Lost in these reflections, I found myself drifting, the lines between past and present blurring as drowsiness pressed against my thoughts. My eyelids grew heavy, the weight of the day’s climb and the peace of the garden coaxing me towards sleep. The memories continued to unfurl in my mind as I unknowingly succumbed to slumber, taking on new shapes and forms as they shifted from beautiful recollection to something far more unsettling.

The memory of the comforting walls of my apothecary twisted into gnarled, shadowy figures, while the familiar scent of herbs soured the air. My father’s reassuring presence faded into the distance, replaced by a creeping fog that whispered the doubts and insecurities that had haunted me my entire life. The plants around me withered as the darkness from the cursed mountain seeped into my dream, distorting the moonlit tranquility into a scene of desolation.

I found myself alone, desperately gathering wilted herbs as the shadows encroached, mirroring my deepest fear of inadequacy. “You are not enough,” the darkness hissed. “Not enough to protect or to heal.” These taunting whispers relentlessly attacked my thoughts, the pressure to uphold my family’s legacy and master the secrets entrusted to me weighing like a physical force, crushing with its intensity.

A sudden cold breeze swept through the garden, jerking me awake. My heart pounded as the remnants of the nightmare clung to my thoughts, the eerie echo of the darkness’s taunts still ringing in my ears. I took several shaky breaths to steady my breathing. Gradually the nightmare faded as the real, gentle whispers of the plants filling the serene garden grounded me back to reality, their peaceful reassurances a stark contrast to the sinister horrors of my dream.

“Are you alright?”

I startled at the voice that had become almost as familiar as my own and turned to see Prince Darcel awake, crouching a few meters away. I hadn’t noticed him while shaking off the last tendrils of sleep, but now I sensed he’d been watching me awhile…which meant he’d noticed I’d fallen asleep at my post.

Rather than reprimand me, he only appeared concerned as he took in my droopy eyes. “You seem tired. Why don’t you rest and allow me to take the rest of the watch?”

Shame burned my cheeks that once again he was forced to make up for my shortcomings. “I’m sorry, I promise to be more vigilant. Please allow me to continue the watch.”

He sighed. “Why are you so determined to push yourself?”

“I don’t want to be a burden.” If only I could share the other reason for my stubborn insistence. Though my current disguise meant my deepening feelings would remain forever unrequited, friendship was still within my reach, only made possible if he viewed my identity as Ren favorably…which meant I had to do all within my power to be a strength on our journey rather than a hindrance.

He considered me a moment, and upon seeing my resolve, conceded the fight. “Then I will stay up with you and we’ll finish the watch together.”

I blinked in surprise. “You’re giving me my way?”

“I cannot begrudge you for your determination, so at the very least you must allow me to support you.” He scooted close enough that our knees nearly grazed. My body shuddered even at this almost contact and I had to fight the impulse to lean away, not wanting him to misinterpret the distance when in truth all I wanted was to be close to him.

Unable to bear the force of the gentle kindness filling his dark eyes, I lowered my own to the silver-dappled terrain. “You’ve already helped me more than I deserve after my initial hostility towards you. I don’t mean to be so weak.”

“The fact that you fell asleep on your very first watch in no way invalidates the instances you’ve already proven invaluable,” he said gently. “A quest is made up of different members, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. Kael’s role is tracking, Jiang’s is to serve as our guard, and yours is to concoct herbal remedies and share your unique knowledge that will be key to breaking the curse’s lingering hold. Please don’t be too hard on yourself when you fail to meet your own unrealistic expectations.”

His advice illuminated a weakness born from my past that I hadn’t realized until this moment I possessed. The tendency to take on more than necessary was a habit I’d likely developed after Mother’s death, when Father only had me to rely upon. In addition to the duties and responsibilities my role as his only child entailed, I’d subconsciously spent my entire life trying to make up for the fact I hadn’t been born the male heir part of me had always feared my parents had secretly hoped for, efforts which desperately tried to live up to not only Father’s legacy but the generations of renown herbalists that preceded me.

I yearned to share these revelations with Prince Darcel, but too much of my complicated feelings were entangled in my true identity as a girl…which included my lingering hurt in His Highness’s own doubts as to my capacity when he’d met me as Mei that had caused him to forbid my coming on the quest in my father’s place, leading me to assume this mistaken identity that prevented me from getting as close to him as I yearned.

I considered how to share a portion of my feelings while in my current disguise. “I suppose I feel a subconscious need to prove myself, considering I’m not the one you initially sought for help. But those desires go deeper—I want to prove to my legacy that I’m capable of the mantle entrusted to me.”

Prince Darcel’s expression softened. “I understand that all too well. Though I’ve been born to a life of privilege, my title comes with its own challenges. My role as the second prince has always made me feel like I had to earn my royal position when I didn’t have the expectation of ruling the land as king. It’s always a difficult path being expected to carry expectations that don't align with what we might choose for ourselves. One frequent danger is that I sometimes find myself setting unrealistic expectations for others.”

A haunted look filled his eyes as he stared across the surface of the star-dappled pond, a reminder that he bore his own challenges not immediately apparent. Even if our burdens were different, this small connection deepened the affinity I felt towards him, inviting me to share more of my unspoken confessions.

My gaze drifted to the moonlit herbs that surrounded us, their glow a silent testament to the enduring magic of my ancestors. “I truly love working with plants and can’t imagine any other path, yet the weight of expectation can be so heavy at times—not just from my father but from the lineage of herbalists that came before me. It’s like carrying a legacy that’s not fully meant for me, but one I must uphold regardless, leaving me often wondering whether I’m as capable as they hope.”

“Perhaps we’re expecting too much of ourselves,” Prince Darcel replied, his soft voice a warm timbre in the cool night air. “All that is likely required is simply doing our best to continue walking the path our legacy carved for us, even when the journey is unclear.” His eyes met mine, holding a depth of sincerity that made my breath catch. “Please allow me to assure whatever doubts you might harbor towards yourself that you are more than capable, Ren. You’ve shown courage and wisdom far beyond what many might expect. I was wrong to ever doubt your capabilities, and for that I sincerely apologize.”

He bowed his head in humble apology. A gesture meant to comfort instead only deepened my ever-present guilt for my deceit. I didn’t deserve the trust and kindness he extended. A mixture of gratitude and frustration swelled as I nodded. “I hope to live up to that.”

This hope held more meaning than I could share. I longed to tell him everything—to reveal who I was and share my true struggles—but the layers of my disguise and the complexities of my true identity held me back…as well as the fear that my exposed deceit would cause me to lose this friendship that had become so precious to me.

Silence settled around us, the only sound the gentle rustle of the herbs in the breeze, leaving nothing to distract me from his soothing breathing or the feelings stirred by his presence. This moment with him helped me realize how much I had come to rely on him—his company, once a source of conflict, was now something I cherished, a beacon that illuminated the darker, more difficult aspects of our quest.

He was silent a moment before posing a question with noticeable reluctance. “Was it a nightmare that woke you?” His voice carried a hint of hesitation, as if unsure whether to broach the subject.

I flinched, ashamed that he’d not only witnessed me asleep during the night watch, but that I continued to be plagued by a nightmare of a time the light’s return should have caused me to long forget, lost in my past where it belonged. “How did you know?”

“Because I get them too.” His confession only strengthened the thread binding my heart to his. “Despite having lived in darkness for so long, it’s not something one should ever grow accustomed to, nor can we ignore the scars it left upon us. It’s especially understandable that cursed time weighs upon your mind now, considering we’re currently embarking on a quest to destroy its lingering tendrils, distracting our focus from the light we’re blessed to have finally returned.”

As if in response to his words, a thin black cloud drifted across the sky, dimming the light as it passed over the moon. I glanced around the darkened garden. Though we had broken past the curse’s efforts to keep us from reaching this place, I sensed it had not given up yet.

The cloud moved slowly past until the moon shone at full strength once more, illuminating my work area. The prince finally noticed the scroll lying nearby. We leaned over the ancient scroll spread between us, its edges worn by the hands of countless seekers that had come before.

My fingers lightly brushed over the cryptic words. “I’ve been able to reveal the next part of the enchanted script but unfortunately I’m at a loss. This next riddle seems to delve deeper into myth than botany; flames and caverns aren't exactly my area of expertise.”

I felt embarrassed by the admission, afraid that any shortcoming in my knowledge would disappoint him when he’d sought my help in this quest for my experience.

Prince Darcel leaned closer without any sign of judgment or condemnation. “ In the belly of the world, under stone skies long unturned, find the fire that never dies, where ancient wisdom burned .” His gaze was intense as he pondered. “I wonder if this is referring to a literal place containing ancient knowledge, or one merely symbolic.”

“Other than a library, which location could possibly be metaphoric for wisdom?” I asked.

He considered a moment. “ In the belly of the world, under stone skies long unturned… caves are often at the heart of old legends and rituals. This particular one might be significant not just for its geological features, but its representation—such as a place found in a legend where it was a source of continuous knowledge or enlightenment.”

We discussed it at length until the first light of dawn filtered through the garden. I was impressed by Prince Darcel’s insight, as well as the adorable glint that lit his expression as he assembled all the pieces of his whirling strategic thoughts to pinpoint a specific location.

“ Under stone skies long unturned… that could refer to one of the ancient cave systems known for their extensive subterranean networks. There’s a part in one in particular where the ceiling resembles ’ stone skies long unturned ’ due to the crystals embedded into the rock that reflect any light, formations similar to a starry night.”

His words sparked a connection in my mind based on years of working with heat and flame to brew potions. “I wonder if the fire that never dies might refers to something that’s been burning for ages, whether due to magic or natural geological processes. Such sites are often considered sacred, and thus will have legends or ancient wisdom associated with them.”

Since this was a challenge created for those with a vast herbalist knowledge, I sorted through all the stories I’d ever read for one that might fit the circumstances outlined in this clue, but there was such a vast array of them I didn’t know where to begin.

Even without sufficient information to narrow it down, Prince Darcel not only didn’t seem discouraged, but a spark of excitement lit his eyes. “There’s a cave system to the north known as kokumin no ana , or ’ the belly of the world ’, just is as referred to in the riddle. It’s fabled to house a chamber where natural gas seeps through fissures in the rock, maintaining a flame that never dies. Surely we’ll find what we’re looking for somewhere in its vast network of tunnels.”

His description painted a vivid picture—I could almost see the flame serving as a steadfast guardian of the depths, a symbol of unending knowledge and spiritual guidance. “If it’s the caves I’m thinking of, then our next destination is north.” Despite the uncertainties that awaited the trek, I felt a surge of anticipation for the adventure ahead.

Prince Darcel’s expression sobered. “Considering the geography of that region, we should be prepared for a different kind of challenge: navigating underground terrain will be perilous, and the flame itself is likely to be fiercely guarded—not just by the cave’s natural dangers, but possibly by enchanted remnants of its sacred past.”

If it was anything like the protection that had hidden the enchanted garden containing the moonsilver herb, I imagined there would be another similar test guarding the eternal flame that would challenge my herbal knowledge.

I felt a prickle of wariness, considering my studies hadn’t covered the northern geography of Lumeria in as much depth as the landscape closest to my apothecary. The doubts that constantly waited in the wings of my thoughts for the earliest opportunity to assault me stirred, only kept at bay by remembering Prince Darcel’s earlier reassurances, his belief in my capabilities that strengthened my faith in myself.

As we rolled the scroll, I felt a surge of gratitude for Prince Darcel’s intellect as well as his ability to interpret and strategize that had turned my previous doubt into a clear path forward. The last of the night fully melted away, drawing our shared night watch to a close.

Prince Darcel convinced me to rest while he took the remainder of the watch. I lay back on my makeshift bed of moss and stone, but despite my exhaustion sleep felt elusive, my frantic heartbeat not sufficiently recovered from the prince’s presence or the hours we’d spent together to relax.

Despite the barrier of the prince’s platonic feelings created by my disguise there was an undeniable connection between us—tenuous and fraught with potential complications, but real. This small comfort was enough to eventually allow me to drift into a restless sleep, a rest free from the nightmare that had previously plagued my night. Instead I passed the night with pleasant dreams of what might be if Prince Darcel and I could share all our secrets should my illusion fade away, allowing him to finally see me as my true self.