Page 155 of Pucking Around

“I’m jealous of you, and I’m jealous of them, and I want more,” I go on, spilling my guts all over the kitchen floor.

“More?” Her voice is so gentle, her gaze so open.

“Yes,” I say quickly, taking a step closer. “I don’t think I can just sit around and wait to have my turn with you,” I admit, one hand still mussing with my hair.

“Can you explain better?” She replies.

“No,” I say. And it’s true. I don’t even know what I’ve said. In all this panic, I’ve already forgotten.

“Try,” she urges. “Kitchen, remember? Sudden death rules still apply.”

I take a deep breath, filling my whole chest with air and puffing it out as I glance from Caleb back to Rachel. “I want more,” I say again.

“More what?” Rachel inches closer to Caleb’s side.

For a second, I’m sure she’s going to take his hand. My gaze narrows on that spot between their hands. She wants to touch him, but she knows he doesn’t want it. Fuck, she knows him so well. Does she know me too? Does she know what I’m trying to say without saying it?

Meanwhile, Mars just stands there like a stone giant, watching me spin out. His presence unnerves me, even as it makes me bolder. I’m not going to hide away from him. This is my life. My house. And Rachel and Cay aremine.I was here first. I’m not gonna be afraid of him or threatened by him. If he wants Rachel, he’s gonna have to fit intoourlife, not the other way around. And if he doesn’t like what I say or what I do, he can show himself to the door.

With that fire burning in my bones, I move around the island, coming to stand between Rachel and Cay. “More everything,” I admit. I turn to Rachel, taking in those gorgeous dark eyes. I so rarely use her name, but the moment calls for it. “Rachel…” I let myself feel the music of the sound. “I love you, baby girl. And I want you,” I say, cupping her face with both hands.

“Every hour of the fucking day. I’m thinking about you,” I go on. “I’m obsessed. I’m possessed. On the ice, off it. You’re it for me. Rachel, you’re the fucking one. There’s not a doubt in my mind.”

“I know,” she murmurs, tears in her eyes. Her hands lift, wrapping gently around my wrists. Then her gaze trails down my face to settle on my lips. “But?”

Fuck…but. It kills me that there’s abut.

“But being with you,” I begin, searching for the right words. “Watching the way you love Cay…watching you fall for Ilmari the way you have…I think I’m jealous.”

“Why are you jealous, Jake?” she murmurs. Her touch roots me, calming the storm of my swirling thoughts and emotions.

“Because you’re free,” I admit. “You love with your whole heart. You’re all in three times over. I never thought something like that was possible. But I see you…I see you with them,” I add, gesturing to the guys. “And I know it’s real.”

Taking a deep breath, I drop my hands down to her shoulders. “And I want it too. I want to be free too.”

Holy fucking shit. What is with this kitchen? This place must have truth serum pumping out of the air vents, because I’m spilling all my deepest secrets. I want more, and that’s the truth. I want Rachel. All day. Every day. But more than that, I want what Rachel has. I want to be free to live and love out loud. What feels this fucking right can’t possibly be wrong…right?

Her hands drift down, resting on my chest as she breathes deep, her gaze locked on me. “And…how do you be free, Jake? What do you want?”

And now I can’t breathe. She wants me to say it out loud? Can’t she just use our weird telepathy? I swallow, focusing all my attention on her mouth as I say, “I want more.”

“What is more?” she presses.

Fuck, she really is gonna make me say it. I know Mars didn’t sign up for confession hour, but I don’t care. I’m fighting for what I want. And what I want is standing in this room.

Slowly, I turn, heart in my throat. My every breath lifts my chest as I face Cay. “I want more,” I admit, speaking the words out loud. “I’m tired of crawling out of my damn skin pretending that I don’t. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing here, but that’s how I feel,” I finish with an awkward shrug.

I know he already knows this. Rachel knows too. Why else was she being so cagey during our last sudden death match? All her talk of me finding someone else to love. She stood in this kitchen, right next to Cay, and told me to find my happiness with someone other than her. She wants this for me too…right?

Caleb’s dark gaze goes volcanic. “Say it,” he mutters.

“I want more,” I repeat.

Caleb’s tattooed arm stretches out, his hand banding around my throat as he squeezes, pulling me closer.

I gasp, my neck arching in his hold as I let him reel me in. My dick twitches in my shorts. Fuck, I’m a goner. All he has to do is look down and he’ll see how hard I am for him.

He holds me right before him, the pressure of his hand still at my throat. “Say it, Jake.”