Page 120 of Pucking Around

“Are you seriously gonna sit here and tell us there’s nothing between you two?” Caleb jabs, arms crossed over his chest.

They’re both standing across from me now, my angel and my devil. Jake is in a white t-shirt, Caleb in black. Jake looks wary. Caleb is pissed.

“Oh god,” I groan, dropping my elbows onto the counter and burying my face in my hands. “I don’t know!” I lift my face, shaking my head as I give them the only truth I have. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t—look around us!” I cry, waving my hand around Jake’s kitchen. “This is all fucking crazy! What are we doing here, guys? Whatisthis? Where is this going?”

“I thought it was pretty obvious,” Jake replies, crossing his arms over his chest again.

I laugh. It’s a little, choked sound caught in my throat. “Obvious? Nothing about this screams obvious, Jake. We’ve all been dancing around this for weeks, not saying anything. We live together! We buy groceries and cook like a happily married throuple. We fuck like crazy. I’ve only slept in my room twice since I moved in. And yet there isnothingbut walls up between us. Things we’re not saying, feelings we’re not acting on, truths we won’t let out. It’s a goddamn obstacle course in here, and we’re all stumbling around it in the dark, and it’s driving me crazy.”

My speech over, I realize I’m standing too, hands gripping to the white granite countertop.

Now both boys have their arms crossed, glaring between me and each other.

“Well then let’s have it out,” Jake says. “Sudden death. Let’s leave it all on the ice.”

54

Itake a shaky breath, glancing between the boys.Sudden death.We’re leaving it all on the ice.

Jake looks to Caleb. “Cay? Sudden death?”

His jaw clenched tight, Caleb nods.

“Great…well, who goes first?” Jake tucks his hands in the pockets of his grey sweats. “Do we flip for it or—”

“I kissed Mars,” I say. “Well, technically, he kissed me but—”

“When?” Jake growls, his expression darkening. “Where?”

“Penguins game. He was coming off the ice and I held him back to tell him I was pulling him. I think he did it just to shut me up,” I add. “He was angry, and he took it out on me. He apologized. But now, between you guys ribbing me, and Tess, I…I think he meant to do it. I think he wanted to—”

“Of course, he did,” Caleb jabs. “He wants to fuck you, Rachel. Our question is does he get to. Is this three-way about to become a four-way? Because we’d kind of like a say in that.”

Sudden death. Nowhere to hide.

“I don’t know yet, and that’s my honest answer.”

Both boys fold their arms tight again. They share wonderfully well together, but the idea of sharing with someone else is clearly a non-starter.

“How would that work?” says Jake. “Mars is a goalie. They’re not team players, you know what I mean? No way would he be cool sharing you. Does he even know about us yet?”

“No, of course, he doesn’t. Up until that kiss, everything has been strictly professional. Even with that kiss, I really think part of it was him just not knowing how else to handle his frustration.”

Jake narrows his hazel eyes. “And what happens when he finally sweeps you off your feet with his Viking charm and his monster cock? What do you do when he tells you to choose—him or us? How soon should we expect you to pack your bags, Seattle?”

I push off from the island. “Okay, so let’s get this clear right now.” I point a level finger at him. “You do not own me, Jake Compton. And you don’t own me either, Cay. I’m not his and I’m not yours, I’mmine. I am my own person, and I will decide the bounds of my own happiness. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want you.Bothof you. And my love is not finite, Jake. Loving you has nothing to do with my loving him,” I say, jabbing a thumb at Caleb. “And Ido,” I press. “I love you both. It’s crazy to say it out loud, because we’ve only known each other for a short time, but I mean, am I crazy?” I gesture between the three of us. “Does this feel crazy to you guys? Or does it feel so right it scares you?”

“I’m afraid to lose you,” Jake admits. “Cay is such a better fit for you, babe. He’s smart like you and weird like you. I lift right out. Even between the three of us, I know I’m the weakest link.”

“Jake,” I whisper, my heart breaking.

“You add Mars into the mix with his European charm and his stupid, sexy manbun—to say nothing about his huge cock—and I just know there’s gonna be nowhere left for me,” he finishes with a shrug, his face a mask of tortured pain.

I can’t help the smile quirking my lips. “You spend a lot of time looking at his cock then, angel?”

He glares at me, while next to him Caleb gives me a warning look.

“You’ve seen it too.”