Page 24 of Puck Lust (Dirty Puck #1)

TWENTY-FOUR

carter

The next day, I arrive at the arena for our game against the Toronto Flames.

I’d wanted Jack to stay with me last night.

He was messed up about Jeremy and tried to play it off, but I could tell how hard it hit him.

And how hard he wanted to hit Jeremy’s dad.

He went home instead.

I didn’t press him about it.

I knew he needed space to process everything he’s been through over the past couple of days, so I went home alone.

I tried to distract myself with things around my condo to keep my mind off of him but I didn’t have to do it for long because only a couple of hours passed before he called.

We stayed on the phone for hours, sometimes not even talking, just listening to each other breathe.

I would have run to him in a hot minute, but I also know what happens when the two of us get together in a heated rush of emotion.

Overindulging in animalistic sex would feel amazing, but it wouldn’t help him face the things that are hanging over him like a dark cloud.

Space is good. At least, that’s what I told myself .

A tiny part of me is flattered he chose to open up to me.

He was with Sam for a couple of years and he knew nothing about Jack’s past. Jack and I were enemies up until a few weeks ago, and yet he trusted me with his darkest secrets.

Maybe his demons should scare the shit out of me and make me hightail it far away from him.

But his vulnerability only makes me want him more.

And God, do I want him.

But the annoying-as-fuck voice in the back of my mind keeps reminding me that there’s more than what he’s shared with me…

and it may be way worse than what I already know.

I walk into the locker room and dump my bag on the bench, scouting the area for Jack.

His locker is opened a crack, bag unzipped on the bench.

And I know exactly where he is right now.

I hurry to get suited up, half-listening to the guys make plans to go to The Penalty Box after the game, which doesn’t start for another hour.

“You coming?” Tate asks as I slam my locker closed.

“Yeah. After we destroy Toronto, I’ll be thirsty.”

The guys cheer, and I flash them a quick smile before darting out of the locker room.

I break into a light jog, my skate guards thumping on the ground and echoing in the tunnel.

It’s quiet since the arena hasn’t opened for spectators yet.

I wind through the labyrinth of tunnels in search of Jack, passing an area hidden by a large column.

Things between us have gotten incredibly intense in a short amount of time, and I have no idea how this whole coming out thing is supposed to go, but all I know is that I can’t be without him.

All the feelings I had as a teenager flared up like a raging inferno when he appeared back in my life, and they’ve only gotten stronger as we’ve spent more time together.

It scares me, if I’m being honest. I’ve never had such an insatiable craving for another person.

Ever. When we’re not together, all I can do is obsess about him, about what he’s done to me, what more he will do to me.

I feel like the air is thicker and heavier when he’s not around, like I can’t breathe freely.

Ironically, I need him for clarity, to make sense of everything I’m experiencing.

For so long, I buried the ache under disgust. Now, I can’t get enough of the guy.

And right now, he’s in a bad place.

I want to be there for him, to help him work through whatever his truth is.

Just like he’s helping me through mine.

A swift tug on my wrist jolts me from my thoughts and I’m pulled into the darkness, my yelp silenced with the heat of demanding lips.

And I melt into it because I know those lips.

I’ve dreamed about those lips and how they feel tasting every inch of my body.

“I missed you last night,” he murmurs against my mouth.

He wraps his arms tight around me, hugging me close, his greedy mouth devouring me like I’m dinner.

His fingers dig into my spine and fist my jersey as his tongue plunders and explores, coiling eagerly with mine.

The blissful kiss finally breaks and a long minute passes before my brain clears of the lusty cobwebs.

My heart screeches to a stop.

Wait…

Someone could have seen us.

Holy shit, did they?

My eyes widen and I jump back, my head jerking left and right but the corridor is clear.

Jack furrows his brow.

“What’s wrong?”

“I, ah, I just wanted to make sure we were alone. ”

“What difference would it make?” He lifts an eyebrow.

“I thought you were sure about this.”

“I am.” I swallow hard.

“But?”

Jack drops his hands from me and leans back against the wall, his jaw tensing.

“I thought…I mean, yeah. Of course I am. But the reality of coming out scares the crap out of me, and I guess I just need some time to figure out, you know, how to do it. I have to tell Coach, the team, my family. I can’t just blurt it out. It has to be handled…carefully.”

Jack nods without saying a word.

I roll my eyes. “Come on, when you came out, was it that easy? Really? Because I find that hard to believe, especially years ago.”

His green eyes cool as he levels me with a heavy stare.

“You have no idea how hard it was for me.”

“So tell me why it should be so much simpler for me.” I throw my hands in the air.

“You know how I feel about you. Is it really so horrible that I want to take my time with letting people know about me? About us?”

“Look, Carter, I get that you’re scared. Fuck knows, I understand that. But I need to know that this is real, not some lapse in judgment you had because you were curious or because you had some crush on me back in the day that you needed to get out of your system.”

My jaw drops.

“How could you say that? After everything that’s happened between us? And I’m not even talking about the sex.”

Jack shrugs.

“Because you might get cold feet. It happens all the time. And I don’t wanna waste my time if you’re gonna have second thoughts.”

He starts to edge past me but I grab him by the arm.

“No, you’re not walking away. You don’t get to check out of this conversation.”

“Why should I stay?” he says, his eyes flashing.

“Because I told you I’d never leave you alone.”

“I don’t need a therapist, Carter,” he says, his voice edged with annoyance.

“That’s not what this is about.”

“I’m not trying to be your therapist. But I know you’re going through a rough time and I want to be here for you. Whatever you need. I know talking’s not really your thing, but maybe just knowing someone cares and will come running even when you don’t call…maybe that’s how I can help.”

“I don’t want your help. There is nothing you can do to help me.” His nostrils flare.

“It’s okay to need people.” I reach for him and he stares at my hand on his arm.

“ People have let me down before.” He raises his eyes, sadness swirling in the turbulent green pools.

“But I won’t.” I inch closer and bring a hand to the back of his head, stroking his neck until a moan slips from his lips.

“And for the record, I didn’t sleep with you because I felt bad for you.”

“Then why did you?” His eyes fall closed as I drag my fingers through his hair.

A smile lifts my lips.

“Because I like you, idiot. Did you even have to ask?”

He opens his eyes and smirks in response.

“I like a good ego stroking.”

“And that’s not the only kind of stroking you like, let’s be real.”

A shadow suddenly eclipses his expression.

“Don’t dick around with me, Carter. I don’t want to get in deep only to find out you’re not in it as much as I am.”

I shake my head and reach a hand around the back of his neck.

“I’m there. I promise. I just need a little time, okay? People are more open-minded now than they used to be, but I want to come out on my own terms and talk to my family and my agent and publicist first. They need to hear it from me before anyone else.”

My stomach drops into my skates.

This weekend would be a perfect time, if I was sure the news wouldn’t make Grandma face plant in her birthday cake.

“You should hire Rex Ashton. He reps a lot of us. He knows how to handle the press. And he’s gay, too.”

“He approached me at the event the other night. Gave me his card. I’d been stalking him because I need a new agent.”

“You should call him. He’s a great person to have on your side.”

“That’s a good idea.” I lean forward and brush my lips against Jack’s.

“And for the record, I didn’t have a crush on you back then.”

“That’s a load of crap. Knowing what I know now, I was so right about you back then. You worshipped me like I was a god. I saw it. You stalked me, watched me on the ice for hours. That’s why I kissed you.” He winks.

“And I was right. You wanted me.”

“You really are all about the ego, aren’t you?”

“Nah. Only like, ninety-eight percent.”

I force a smile as he turns to walk toward the rink.

Following behind, panic bubbles in my chest. A few camera flashes have my heart thrashing.

Shit, what if…?

I clench and unclench my fists, the tight smile still stretched across my face as we pass the spectators.

Jack’s never had to worry about being accepted.

His ego wouldn’t allow him to care about what other people thought of him .

A cold chill spreads through my insides.

He only knows what it’s like to be indispensable.

As I watch the curious gazes sweep over us both, I think about what it’s like to have to fight for everything you want…

And how sometimes, when push comes to shove and you’re not indispensable, you have to let go.