Page 19

NINETEEN

jack

When my eyes lock onto Coach Dalton, dread simmers in my blood.

What the hell is he doing here?

I’ve avoided all of his emails because acknowledging any bit of my past will just tear open everything I’ve tried to forget.

What I did and why.

And how it’s haunted me ever since, like waiting for the other shoe to drop and land with the force of a wrecking ball against my skull.

Carter stands next to him.

A wave of panic replaces the dread.

Did he tell?—?

I scrape a hand down the front of my face, suck back the rest of the vodka in my glass, and take a deep, shuddering breath.

No. Carter has no idea.

And I have to keep it that way.

I can’t imagine what he’d think if he knew…

if anyone knew.

Sam nudges me.

“Hey, what’s up? You okay?”

But I can’t even answer him because no .

I’m very fucking far from okay.

Shaking my head, I just walk away in the opposite direction of Coach Dalton’s searing glare and Carter’s curious, but concerned, expression.

Heat licks at the back of my neck, a thin stream of sweat drizzling down my back.

Blood rushes between my ears, my leg muscles tensing as I head out of the ballroom.

And then where?

If he found me here, he’ll find me somewhere else.

I trusted that son of a bitch.

He told me he wanted to help me, and I believed him.

Alarm grates my skin, exposing the raw terror that burrows just below the surface.

I’ll never forget that night.

I didn’t think I’d make it out.

And he knew I’d do anything to fix things.

To fix myself, my future.

I fist the sides of my hair, my throat so tight that only short, sharp gasps of air can pass through.

My vision blurs, a sharp pain exploding down my left arm.

I swing around to look behind me but neither Coach Dalton nor Carter are anywhere in my line of sight.

Fucking hell.

I twist around, my heart making my chest heave.

“You think you’re better than everyone, huh? But really you’re fucking pathetic and weak. A goddamn leech.”

Blood rushes between my ears, all sound around me fizzling away into white noise as the horrors from the deep recesses of my mind amplify.

“You disgust me. You don’t deserve to live!”

Bile rises in the back of my throat, my heels digging into the floor in my haste to get out of the hotel.

“Hey, Larson. Where are you running off to?”

I stop short, my shoes squeaking on the shiny tile as Tate grabs me by the arm.

I sweep a hand through my hair but the dark cloud of my past hangs over me, poisoning my air.

“Just, ah, heading out for a call.” I force my lips to turn upward, but it seems to satisfy him because he claps me on the shoulder.

“Catch you inside.”

I barely make it outside when another voice slithers into my ears.

“Leaving so soon?”

My feet stall like they’ve just wandered into a pool of sticky tar and are now glued to the cement steps.

I turn slowly to face the man I’ve both hated and feared for the past seven years.

“You haven’t returned any of my attempts to reach out, Jack.” Coach Dalton pushes off the wall next to the revolving glass entrance door and he slowly inches toward me like a scorpion ready to attack its prey.

“Yeah, well, I figure we said everything we needed to years ago.”

“Not true.” Coach steps closer.

“That’s why I had to send my friends to find you in Oakland and deliver my message. I think sometimes it’s good to get a few reminders, you know, just in case you forget what hangs in the balance.”

His voice slices at my skin like a million tiny razor blades, cutting just deep enough to be a warning.

Fucking bastard. Of course he’s the one who sent those goddamn thugs.

I knew it had to be him or my asshole father involved.

Although, thinking about it now, my father is probably dead, in prison, or too strung out to even form words.

I should have known it couldn’t be him.

“It’s hard to forget the worst night of my life,” I hiss.

“Yeah, well, you should consider yourself lucky.” The corners of his lips curl into a sinister smile .

“Why are you even here? This event is for people who actually give a shit about others, not blackmailing bastards like you.”

“That hurts, Jack.”

Fuck, I wanna pound the shit out of this guy, right here and now.

Except if I do, I know what I’ll lose.

Everything.

So I keep my fists clenched tight at my sides, and it’s not lost on Dalton, either.

He smiles bigger.

“I know exactly what you want to do right now. I also know you’re not that stupid.”

“You’re actually not worth the energy it’d take.”

“Maybe you believe that. I think you’re scared. And you should be.”

“Leave me the fuck alone. I did what you wanted.”

“Yes. But just remember, if that changes at all, you know what I’ll do. I will take you down with me without a thought.” His lips pull into a tight line.

“Always remember, Jack. You’re one word away from the same hell you tried to escape. And I’m the one who can send you right back there.”

He doesn’t say anything else.

He doesn’t need to.

I got his message.

Dalton sticks his hands in his pockets and casually walks over to the valet, who conveniently has his Audi parked at the curb.

I watch as the car peels away from the curb before sliding my back down the side of the wall.

My head falls into my hands and I press my fingertips against my temples to drown out the memory, but darkness takes over and my mind slips into the abyss, a mess of what-if’s looping around my throat like a noose.

The kids I help, they’re all victims of circumstance .

They didn’t get to choose their lives, they were born into them along with the people who created those realities.

Most times, they can’t get out.

They deal and they suffer, their hopes and dreams festering in a sea of disappointment and dismay.

I was one of the lucky ones.

But carrying around the guilt of what I did to get out haunts me on a daily basis.

I hate myself for it, for giving away the tiny bit of control I thought I had over my future.

It will forever hang over my head, with the knowledge that I’ll never be good enough.

I squeeze my eyes shut, tears stinging the back of my eyelids.

Fuck him. Fuck them both.

Fuck them all.

“Jack.”

My head snaps up and I blink fast as I look up.

Carter stands over me, light from the wall sconce creating a halo around his head.

For a second, it feels like I’m dead and he’s the angel sent to pull me out of the nightmare I just tumbled back into.

He lowers himself to his ankles.

“Tate said he saw you come out here, and when you didn’t come back inside, I wanted to make sure you were all right.” He pauses.

“But you’re not. What happened?”

I just shake my head because how the hell could I make him understand?

Especially him?

The words I spewed at him the night we kissed make me cringe even years later.

I was angry and sad and headed straight into a downward spiral.

I wanted to take him down, too.

So I fired out a whole lot of bullshit because I needed someone else to hate themselves the way I did.

And I pushed away the only person who really gave a damn about me, the only one who meant anything.

“I didn’t mean the things I said to you that night at camp,” I mumble, hanging my head.

“You’re so fucking talented. I shouldn’t have made you question yourself. I knew you were insecure and I played on it because of what I did and how I felt when you rejected me. I wanted to hurt you, too. It was s fucking selfish.”

His eyebrows knit together, his gaze brimming with pity and concern, and God, I hate everything I see swimming in the depths of those clear blue pools.

I don’t want his sympathy.

And I sure as hell don’t want to need it.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s over. In the past.”

“No,” I mutter.

“It’s not. And it’s not okay that I hurt you the other night. That I toyed with you and then left like that. It was wrong, and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

“Jack, I don’t know what happened to you…tonight, before tonight…but I’m not going to leave you.” He places a hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze.

“You’re not alone. You…you never had to be.”

I swallow hard past the lump lodged in the back of my throat, slowly pulling myself to my feet.

Carter rises as well, those penetrating eyes still laser-focused on my face, like he’s trying desperately to see what lies beyond my mask.

He doesn’t know how close it is to crumbling and revealing everything.

“Tell me what you need,” he says in a low voice, leaning so close his lips practically touch mine.

I breathe in the spicy scent of his cologne.

It catches in my nose and infuses me with hunger .

I could lose myself in him, just like I did the other night.

I could pull him close, drink him in, let his warmth blanket me in the comfort and security I haven’t had since…

Ever.

“You, Carter,” I finally choke out.

“I need you. Take me home. Make me forget.”