Page 6

Chapter 5

Guy

When I got back from the beach trip with the Gattos, everything fell apart. Maman had drinks with Heather the night we got back, and she came home red-eyed and puffy-faced.

Maman sat me down the next morning and told me what was going on. I was right. She was sick. While I was at the beach, she had a number of medical tests done. She had Stage III ovarian cancer. The prognosis was uncertain, but with the cost of healthcare in the States, it didn’t make sense for her to stay.

She told me I could stay if I wanted. Heather and Mark offered to take me in to finish high school. But I could never leave her alone to manage her sickness. If I was going to lose her, I was damn well going to be there with her every step of the way.

And besides, I didn’t really have anywhere to keep up my hockey skills in West Virginia. That was my likely ticket to a good college. Going home to Quebec where I could sharpen my skills and get scouted made far more sense. Our life on the run was coming to a close.

So for the second time in my life, I was packing it all up and driving away. When Maman and Heather had wine in the Gattos’ backyard that next night, they invited Kitty to join them. Frank and I snuck some liquor out of his parents’ liquor cabinet and got drunk, too. Our moms knew, but they didn’t care. Frank was a pretty tough guy, not really one to show a ton of emotion. We both lost it that night, though. It just wasn’t fair, for any of us. Especially Maman, of course, but it was ripping all of us apart.

Kitty texted me that night while she was drinking with our moms.

KITTY BIRD

You should hear them singing

It’s hilarious

Come up here

Me n Frankie 2 drunk

lol

I’m here for you tho Frenchie

3

I hid those texts from Frank. I hadn’t told him about kissing Kitty, nor did I act any differently toward her on our trip. Once I found out what was going on with Maman, I was glad I hadn’t told Frank. No sense making him mad at me right before I left. It was selfish of me and unfair to Kitty. I wished I could have her out in the open without everything getting messy.

I was hung over the next day. Maman had to go into work, as she was determined to work her last few shifts at the restaurant. Around noon, I sent Kitty a message. I was still laying in bed, miserable.

Can u come over

KITTY BIRD

on my way 3

I heard the front door open and her climbing the stairs.

“Up here,” I called from my third-floor room. It was a converted attic, and Maman was nice enough to let me have it all to myself. I sat with my head in my hands at the edge of my bed, not sure how I wanted to greet her. My bed was unmade, and I was still in my athletic shorts and t-shirt from the night before.

“Guy.” The way she said my name held the weight of everything we faced. Her nose sounded stuffed up, probably from crying and being miserable like I was. I lifted my pounding head to look at her. Her hair was in a wet ponytail that left a damp spot on her shoulder. She wore her wandering around the house clothes: a big t-shirt, tiny shorts, and flip-flops. Her skin glowed from our time at the beach. That seemed like a lifetime ago, even though it had only been a couple of days. So much had changed.

She was pretty. So very pretty. She knew more about me than anyone in the world. And I was probably never going to see her again after we moved.

Kitty crossed the room and sat next to me on the bed, putting a tentative hand on my back. It wasn’t nighttime like it had been at the beach. We weren’t in a closet. We were sitting on my bed, alone in my house. Under different circumstances, I might have picked up where we left off on the beach. But I needed Kitty in a different way than that. I needed her as my best friend. I leaned into her side at first, then gave in and put my head in her lap. When my body shook with tears, she cried, too. She comforted me while grieving it all in her own way.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered when my crying slowed. I nodded, letting her lightly scratch my scalp with her nails. It felt so nice.

“I have bad news,” she said. I turned on my back to look up at her and raised my eyebrows. What could get worse? “You stink, Guy-Guy.”

I coughed out a laugh. “Sorry. Your brother got me drunk.” I sat up and wiped my face.

“Yeah, well, your mom got me drunk and I don’t stink,” she jabbed. “You eat anything?”

I shook my head. She stood up and offered me her hand. “Go clean yourself up. I’ll make you some food.”

I took her hand and stood, bending to kiss her temple. “I don’t deserve you, ma puce .”

Kitty’s whole face flushed and her eyes went sad. She pretended to study some hockey sticks tacked to my wall. I didn’t kiss her after our middle-of-the-night beach make-out, even though I wanted to. I dated other girls, but Kitty was always my favorite. I was so comfortable around her. I didn’t have to put on a front with her. She was Just Kitty, and I could be Just Guy.

I just didn’t want to taint her with my problems. I really didn’t deserve her. If I was anything like my dad, I’d ruin her just like Papa ruined Maman. Better to keep it light and breezy with someone who didn’t matter than ruin the one who mattered the most.

Then there’s the fact that Frank might have killed me. I don’t really get why. If Kitty was mine, I’d treat her so nice. I wouldn’t screw her around like I did the other girls. I only gave them half my efforts because I really wanted Kitty.

The cycle went on: I half-assed with a girl, she got mad at me, Frank saw it, Frank swore I’d never be touching his sister.

Plus, what if we broke up and I lost Heather, Mark, and Frank, too? I couldn’t lose my bonus family.

But none of that really mattered when Maman and I were going back to Canada.

Showered and teeth brushed, I entered our tiny living room. Kitty sat with two plates of grilled cheese and a foolish number of extra pickles on our plates, plus a couple of Dr. Peppers on the coffee table. She knew they were my favorite.

“Did you go to your house for those?” I asked. Maman didn’t let us have soda. She said they’d rot my teeth.

Kitty nodded with a sly smile. “I can recycle them at my house, too. Hide the evidence.”

“You get me.”

“What do you want to watch?” she asked.

“That old UCB special?” Kitty, Frank, and I loved improv comedy shows. Upright Citizens Brigade was one of our go-to’s. Frank and I were just there for the laughs, but Kitty seemed to absorb it in a different way. She was a student of the craft, dedicating herself to understanding how to form jokes. She said she wanted to study comedy writing at Alden. I thought she’d be perfect for it.

We sat on our respective ends of the couch and watched while we ate, laughing around our grilled cheese and pickle feast. When I was done, I decided it was now or never. I was moving away. I’d never see Kitty again after we left West Virginia. I knew how to be smooth with girls, but I found myself sweating trying to figure out how to get close to Kitty. I’d even kissed her before. Why was I such a mess? While I shifted in my seat and deliberated, she looked over at me.

“You okay? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” I asked.

“Like you have ants in your pants or something.”

I laughed nervously. “Ants?” My breathing went shallow and fast. My heart galloped in my chest. I wiped my sweaty palms on my shorts. “Kitty Bird, I . . .”

Our eyes locked, her deep brown studying me with X-ray like vision. Understanding washed over her expression.

“I know.” Did she though? Did she know how much I loved her? As a friend, and as the person who just seemed to get me?

“I don’t think you do,” I said.

“I know you don’t want to leave. But I know you have to. We can still talk.”

She didn’t know. She didn’t know about the love. I went with her line of thinking.

“It won’t be the same,” I whispered.

She shook her head. “It won’t.”

We sat, watching each other for a long while. Then, after fidgeting with her hands, she looked back up at me and opened her arms. I scooted in and held her close to me. I almost couldn’t breathe. Then the words finally fell out of me, so quietly I wasn’t sure I said them at all.

“I love you.”

Kitty nodded into my chest. “I love you, too. I always will.”

I squeezed her tighter, tucking my head into her shoulder. My lips met the side of her neck for a soft kiss. I pulled back slightly and used my hand to lift her face to mine. We paused, some pain in her eyes.

“I don’t want to leave you,” I said. “I wish I could stay. I wish I could bring you with me.”

Kitty gave a wry smile. “She needs you, Guy.”

“But I need you, too.”

Kitty’s brow furrowed like I’d shattered her heart. Her mouth met mine. Tenderly, I showed her what she was to me, in a way I couldn’t express with words at the time. Kitty was my person. I was sure of it, down to my bones. She deepened the kiss with a slant of her mouth, her tongue bringing a pastel light into the dark depths of my mind. I loved Kitty Gatto and I’d never get over it.

And that was the last kiss we had before I left for good.