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Chapter 37

Kitty

I stood backstage at the Palladium, looking over my notes for the show. This was a one-night-only engagement, just something to make a little extra money before I started my next job. And who am I kidding? I love a good stand-up show to a packed house. This crowd was sold out. That never ceased to amaze me. I know I’m funny, but the fact that people will take time and pay money to come see me talk is just wild. A dream come true.

A knock sounded at my door. “Come in.”

“A delivery for you, Miss Gatto.” A vase of orange and yellow flowers walked in, a stagehand behind them.

She dropped them on the counter in front of me and left me to my peace. The pack of M&Ms stuffed among the blooms told me exactly who they were from. His handwriting on the note told me for sure: Guy.

Birdy-

I’m so proud of you and know you’ll do amazing tonight.

I have something I want to tell you, but you might want to

wait til after the show to read it if you’re getting in the zone.

I’m going to draw a picture below and if you don’t want

to read it, just look at the picture instead.

I snorted out a laugh. The picture was of a Kitty Bird, some comically weird hybrid of a cat and a bird. It looked absolutely ridiculous. And well, I was curious, so I read on.

When you were on your last tour, I wanted to be there so bad.

I didn’t think we were ready. I bought a front row ticket to

every show, and dared myself to go. I even stood outside the

theater in Miami, but couldn’t bring myself to go in. I didn’t want

to distract you, but I wanted to be there for you in spirit.

I always want you to shine, Kitty.

If you’ve ever wondered why there was always an empty

seat in the front row, it was my way of being there for you.

Tonight, I’ll really be in my seat. I can’t wait to see you shine

and cheer you on.

Love always,

Guy

I grabbed a tissue off the counter to try and keep my makeup from running. Maybe I should have waited to read it, but it was also a beautiful confidence boost. Guy had been supporting me through everything, even from the shadows. He never stopped being there for me. I’d tried to support him, too. But buying a hat is not the same as buying a seat to every single show. He was truly my funny fan, for all of my life.

It was overwhelming, the way he loved me so fiercely. We’d been through a lot together, going through seasons where one of us was maybe better than the other. But none of that mattered anymore. More than anything, I wanted to try with him again.

* * *

I’d reached the point of my set where I stopped noticing the heat of the lights. The point where it was just plain fun.

“So, I don’t know how many of you saw, but a friend and I have kind of been in the news lately.”

A loud whoop and applause came from the crowd.

“Bring him up!” someone shouted.

“We love you, Stelle!” another yelled.

I searched the front row for Guy, and there he was, grinning up at me. “They’re talking about you, buddy.

“So this isn’t the first time my love life has been on display for the masses,” I started. “And that’s fine. I’m flattered y’all care. However!”

I turned from where I was pacing. “I saw some comments that said he was funnier than me? He, whose first language is not English. No shade to that. He, who did not finish college. No shade on that, either. I’m very proud of his athletic achievements. But he, who is not a student of the comedic arts, is funnier than ME? Ladies, men taking credit for a woman’s achievements, right?”

Girly cheers erupted from the audience. “Because I teed him up for every one of those jokes. Did I not, Guy?”

“You did,” he yelled up at me.

I mock-whispered into the mic. “He’s just saying that because I put out.”

Laughs rose and fell. “But really, he is a funny guy. I’m giving him shit right now, but he’s always made me laugh. In fact, I should get ahead of a rumor from today.”

I sat on the edge of the stage in front of Guy. “You thought I wasn’t going to share this one, didn’t you? You don’t get off that easy.”

Guy’s hand was over his face, laughing his sweet “a-ha, a-ha, a-ha” honking laugh.

“So we were out, doing our cute little NYC summertime things. Stopping in little shops. Eating ice cream. Walking the High Line. I said I wanted to take a nap before I came to meet you lovely people tonight.”

“And that clever, beautiful, muscular, attractive little fucker sitting right there,” I said, gesturing to him in front of me, “walks us into the Ritz-Carlton. Neither of us are staying there, mind you. He tells the lady at the desk,” I mimicked his enthusiasm. “‘My friend would like to take a nap. What’s your hourly rate?’”

I barely got his joke out without laughing myself. The crowd followed my lead.

“Just so you’re all aware: I am not actually a sex worker. Sex work is work, though,” I raised my eyebrows and pointed out to the crowd. “But my very special friend and I did not need a room at the Ritz to do seedy deeds. If you hear that one, just go ahead and ignore it.”

The rest of the show went off without a hitch. A stagehand led Guy, Tania, and a few other friends back to see me after I was done. Guy stood back while I hugged my friends and offered to take pictures of us. I, of course, made him get in them.

“So we going dancing or what?” Tania asked.

I looked to Guy. “You cool with that?”

“Of course,” he grinned.

“Y’all go pick a place and we’ll meet you there,” I said. Tania wiggled her eyebrows at me on her way out. When the door clicked shut, I gave Guy a hard hug. I put his face in my hands, stroking my thumbs at his jaw.

“I read your note.”

Guy smiled. “What do you think?”

“I think I don’t deserve you.”

He gave me a quick peck, looking down into my eyes. “I promise that you do.”

“I left you.”

“I told you I would wait forever, Birdy. I knew you still loved me.” He touched my bird necklace. “Did you wear this for me?”

I nodded. “Every day.”

“That kept me going. Anytime I saw you in it, I knew.”

We stood holding each other. I breathed Guy in and listened to the steady drum of his heartbeat under my ear. We didn’t need to say anything else. We were us again. The warmth that we’d shared for years was back.

We took that warmth with us to the bar, where we danced like fools with my friends. It was something of an elevated dive bar, playing throwback hits. In all our time together, we’d only ever danced in frat house basements. We’d never properly gone dancing. I should have known Guy would be a good dancer since he’s so comfortable in his body. It felt like being at a wedding: friends and loved ones all around, goofing off and having fun.

We mixed it up with friend dancing and some coupling off together. We got a little tipsy, but nothing out of control. Just blissful and free. Well, I guess Guy spilled a drink down my front, then made a show of cleaning off my boobs. People took our picture, but we didn’t care. I slipped off my shoes because they were holding back my dancing skills. Guy wrinkled his nose at me but then took off his own shoes.

“You can’t judge me then do the same thing!”

“If there’s glass to step on, I’ll step on it first,” he shouted over the music. It made truly no sense but we were in hysterics. Those drunken decisions that you know are terrible even at the time.

Luckily, no glass met bare feet. I was just happy to be out doing normal fun stuff with him. We’d both grown, but we still played together in similar ways. I hadn’t realized how much Guy was on my wavelength until I had him back.

That whole day had an untouchable joy to it. For that night, I let myself dream. It would all work out. We could have that joy every day. We could make our relationship work.