Page 79 of Pretty Poison
Rocky held his stare for a few seconds. The sense of foreboding from earlier returned. Whatever the problem was between the former partners, it wouldn’t go away just by ignoring it. Rocky also knew he couldn’t force Asher to address it until he was ready, so he nodded and gave him a quick kiss before easing off his softening cock.
“Meet you in the shower,” Rocky said.
“Thanks for juggling my appointment around,” Rocky said as he sat on Karen’s couch.
He’d called her office first thing Monday morning to reschedule his appointment and was surprised when her receptionist offered him a same-day slot that had just become available. Usually, he wanted a full day to psych himself up for the sessions, but erecting shields was part of the reason he’d sought therapy in the first place. So, Rocky accepted the offer with only a slight hesitation. He’d been too busy at work to work himself into a tizzy over talking about his problems.
Could he be any more cliché? He’d laugh if it weren’t so sad. If women figured out how to procreate without men, Rocky knew his species would soon go the way of the dinosaurs.
“Of course,” she replied. “You look more rested than last week. Are you sleeping better?”
Instead of lying back and staring at the ceiling, Rocky remained in an upright position and maintained eye contact. It was a big step for him, one that Karen’s shrewd gaze hadn’t missed.
“I am.”
“That’s great news.” She picked up her pen and began making notes. Rocky noticed she still wore the same navy blue nail polish. “What techniques are working for you?”
Images of the past few nights flooded Rocky’s brain, all of them starring Asher. They’d unpacked his boxes when they arrived and merged his belongings with Rocky’s. Sunday morning had been breakfast and crosswords in bed. Then they’d done domestic tasks like cleaning, reorganizing the closets, and grocery shopping—mundane things other couples took for granted. Rocky had never been so excited to fondle produce or pick out beef and chicken. They’d swung by the retirement village to see Queen Bea, and she’d talked them into staying for dinner and playing cards. They returned home sixty dollars poorer but happy. Rocky had fallen asleep with Asher’s arms wrapped around him and his dick nestled in Rocky’s ass.
He wasn’t sure that was the kind of detail Karen was looking for, so he said, “My husband and I started working through our differences.”
“Husband?” Karen asked as she rifled through previous notes. When she met his gaze again, Rocky saw curiosity instead of accusation. “You included a lot of information on your intake forms, but there’s no mention of a husband.”
“It hurt too much to even write it down,” Rocky said. “I fucked up so badly, Karen.”
“One person can’t destroy a relationship on their own.”
“Conventional wisdom says so, but I gave it the old college try anyway.”
“Do you want to talk about it now?” Karen asked.
Rocky ran his hand through his hair. Did he? Weren’t these things he should say to Asher? They kept dancing around the “big talk” because neither of them wanted to ruin the joy they’d rediscovered. Rocky worried it would blow up in their faces if they kept putting it off. Why not talk to an objective person about his doubts and fears? Isn’t that why he’d started going to therapy?
“Yes, I do.”
Rocky had only meant to give her an overview of their problems, but everything came gushing out once he opened the floodgates. He told her about his impotence and how he’d masked it by drinking heavily. “I hated the fucking taste of whiskey, so sometimes I only pretended to be drunk.” He hung his head in shame. “I’d drink a shot or two before Asher got home so he’d smell it on my breath, then pour the rest down the drain.” Rocky met Karen’s gaze once more. “I think I was a meaner fake drunk than when I was actually drunk.”
“Rocky, you were acting as any wounded animal would in survival mode. I hope we can reach a point in therapy where you recognize it.”
“I’ll try.” And he meant it. Rocky continued talking about how their marriage had deteriorated over the next few months. “When Asher got passed over for a promotion due to my embarrassing media coverage, I realized what I had to do.”
“Hang on a second,” Karen said. “How do you know he missed out on a promotion? Did he tell you that?”
“Of course not,” Rocky said. “He’d never hurt me that way, no matter how much I deserved it.”
“If he didn’t tell you, who did?”
“His partner.”
Karen tapped her pen against her lip, then said, “Tell me more.”
Rocky told her about Duggins’s behavior and how he’d suspected Asher’s partner was in love with his husband. “The last confrontation about the promotion was the worst. I’d been researching why men experience erectile dysfunction and the various treatments for it. I must’ve left my laptop open.”
“Or maybe not,” Karen said. “This guy sounds like he doesn’t adhere to personal boundaries.”
“Yeah, I guess not,” Rocky replied. “That came on the heels of Duggins telling me about the lost promotion opportunity. I can’t recall a time where I felt more heartbroken and humiliated, and I believed Duggins had Asher’s best interest at heart.”
“You think differently now?”