Page 62 of Pretty Poison
It was hard to say what hurt the most: losing a person he’d never met or letting go of someone that was the other half of his soul. Asher’s reappearance felt like a second chance, but what had changed since he’d left Vegas?
Nothing.
Christ, if he was going to scratch open old wounds and rip his heart out, he’d need a proper soundtrack. His go-to back in the day was Mazzy Star, so that’s what he played. Rocky pulled up the music downloaded to his phone, chose the albumSo Tonight That I Might See,and set it to repeat.
Then he unpacked the memories, one photograph and memento at a time, until all the ghosts he’d laid bare were stacked around him like some sort of fort. By the time the box was empty, Rocky’s untouched beer had gone warm, his throat felt raw and dry, and his eyes felt gritty from lack of sleep.
He checked the time and was stunned to see it was two in the morning. His head snapped around when he heard a key in the front door. Seconds later, Asher walked through it just as “Fade into You” started playing. His husband looked both exhausted and relieved, reminding Rocky of the first time Asher had knocked on his door.
“This feels so familiar,” Asher said, a smile tugging at his lips as he dropped his duffel bag to the floor. He briefly tilted his head, and Rocky knew why when he said, “The soundtrack is the same, and so are your night owl tendencies.”
Rocky stood up in the middle of his fort of memories, his heart racing. “What else is the same?” he asked.
“I still want to pin you to a bed and do very wicked things to you,” Asher confessed. “I’d settle for any surface, though.”
Like he’d done in Vegas, Rocky crossed the room and took both of Asher’s hands in his.
His husband smiled and played along. “I don’t know how…” he said. Like the night they met, Asher let the sentence trail off so Rocky could fill in the gaps.
He’d instinctively known that Asher was confessing to not knowing how to be with a man. But now? Asher was more than a little familiar with Rocky’s body. “What do you mean?” he asked, going off-script.
“I told you I didn’t know how to be with a man, and you led me into your bedroom and showed me the things I’d been missing out on my entire adult life. You put a name to emotions, yearnings, and truths I’d denied myself for over two decades. And I’m still just as lost now as I was then.”
“How?”
Asher’s voice broke, and he cleared his throat. “I don’t know how to let you go.”
This was it. The moment Rocky either said goodbye to all that they were or embraced what they could be. He dropped Asher’s hands so he could step into his arms. He buried his nose in his husband’s neck and whispered, “Then don’t.”
“I’m not sure I heard you correctly,” Asher said. The shiver that worked its way through his husband’s big body told Rocky otherwise, but he decided to play along.
Raising his head, Rocky met Asher’s stare head-on. “Don’t let go.”
The war of emotions raging in his husband’s eyes was a testament to the amount of pain Rocky had unintentionally put him through. If they hoped to make their marriage work, they’d have to lay it all out in the open. Rocky understood that now. Burying emotions would only get a person so far because they never truly went away. The pain and misery festered in the background, silently feeding off the brain like a zombie and poisoning the soul.
“Are you sure, Ford?”
There were still so many things Rocky couldn’t be confident of, but that, he knew. “Yes.”
Asher briefly closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. When their gazes collided again, the battle was over, at least temporarily. Rocky only saw peace and contentment now. “Thank fuck,” Asher said as he framed Rocky’s face with his large hands.
They moved toward one another at the same time, their mouths meeting in the middle and lips parting invitingly. He sucked Asher’s tongue into his mouth, letting his teeth softly graze over the flesh until it slid free from Rocky’s lips. Asher dropped his mouth to Rocky’s neck, licking a path upward until he reached Rocky’s ear. Asher tugged the lobe between his teeth, then sucked the sensitive skin just beneath it.
Lust spiked through Rocky’s blood, pooling in his groin. One part of his brain wanted to rejoice and shout to the heavens when his dick started to harden. A small, mean voice reminded him that getting an erection and maintaining it were two different things. He’d had his first orgasm in months less than twenty-four hours ago. What if he couldn’t do it again for days, weeks, or even months? How long would Asher be satisfied with blowjobs and hand jobs? Suddenly, the shortness of breath he felt wasn’t due to anticipation and excitement. A cold sweat broke out over Rocky’s skin.
“Hey,” Asher said, pulling back so he could look into Rocky’s eyes. “Nothing needs to happen tonight. I just want to hold you again. We both need to sleep.”
Asher had never made him feel bad about the side effects of his trauma. He’d been patient and understanding, which had only intensified Rocky’s yearning to please him. Their sex life had been intense and physical before the incident, and Rocky couldn’t believe that Asher could settle for anything less. So, Rocky tried harder, his dick got limper, which made him grow angrier. He would drink, then they’d fight. Asher would plead with him to seek professional help, and Rocky would lash out in any way he could. No make-up sex ever followed, only self-hating recriminations. It was an ugly, vicious cycle that Rocky refused to repeat.
He’d taken the first step by seeking Karen’s help, but it would take more effort on his part. Rocky was finally at the place where he was willing to put in the work, no matter how painful it was or how long it took. He couldn’t magically let go of the blame he’d been harboring for ruining Asher’s career, but the desire to do so was there. That was a damn good start.
“I need to shower first before we turn in,” Asher said, his voice breaching Rocky’s thoughts.
Rocky stepped out of Asher’s embrace and linked their fingers together. “I’ll help.”
With the soundtrack of their past still playing in the background, Rocky led Asher past his fort of memories and down the hallway toward a new beginning. He didn’t stop until they reached the bathroom, where he only let go of Asher long enough to twist the shower faucet on. While the water heated, Rocky turned his attention to stripping his husband’s clothes off before tackling his own.
Rocky’s cock was only semi-erect, but for once, he wasn’t embarrassed. In fact, he had something to brag about. Rocky placed his husband’s hand on his dick. “This might be the best I can do for now, but I need to feel your touch.”