Page 33

The thing I hate most about this lifestyle is all the damn funerals you end up planning.

We spent hours in the hospital guest area last night waiting to see if Gavel would make it.

The space was filled with so many people that the hospital staff moved us into a separate area so they’d have room for others.

When I first saw the doctor come out with a grim expression, I thought we would be planning another funeral.

Stable, but in critical condition.

They lost him on the table two more times, but were able to bring him back, thankfully. The next twenty-four to forty-eight hours are the most critical. The doctor assured us that if it wasn’t for Gavel being in such peak health for his age, we would have lost him.

I know Gavel would love nothing more than to be in the afterlife with his love, but he’d leave a lot of devastated people behind. Including the two grandkids who already adore him.

Once we knew Gavel made it through, most of us left the hospital. I told Pope he could stay with Gavel, but Pope said that the hospital would let us know when he’s awake. Cyanide, Devious, and Blackjack chose to stay behind to guard Gavel’s room.

Pope didn’t think the other club would be stupid enough to try to hit again and especially at the hospital, but he’s not taking any chances.

The twins fell asleep on their dad last night while we were waiting for updates. Valkyrie offered to take them home, but Pope directed her to the clubhouse.

Better protection, he said.

Pope took us straight to the clubhouse to reunite with our kids, both of us needing to be in their presence right now.

The kids and I have been cooped up in Pope’s room in the clubhouse ever since. Lovelyn and Legend have been quiet, huddled together on the couch, watching mind-numbing cartoons. They flinch at any loud noise, and their sleep was filled with nightmares of what happened at the diner.

This was never the life I wanted for my kids.

Not all of this violence.

They’ve seen so much of that already.

How do I justify keeping them in another home where violence is part of everyday life?

How could this be a good life for them?

“Mama, I’m hungry,” Lovelyn says.

“How about the three of us go down to the kitchen and see if we can find something?”

They nod solemnly and climb to their feet. I stand between them and hold out my hands. They place theirs in mine and together we take our first trip out of the room.

I’m concerned with what I’ll find when we make it to the bottom of the stairs.

In the past, the club was not shy about having sex out in the open.

The only time they didn’t was when there were club events going on where all the kids and families would be present.

It’s what I’m expecting to have to shield the twins’ eyes from, but I’m pleasantly surprised to find the clubhouse filled with people.

A lot of them, and they’re all dressed.

Heads turn our way when we step into the common room. Conversations die down as eyes watch us with curiosity. We’re on display, and it’s an extremely unsettling feeling.

To battle how uncomfortable I am with all eyes on us, I lift the corners of my mouth in a small smile.

“Sorry to interrupt. We’re just going to grab something from the kitchen.”

Scorch and Coco climb to their feet, hurrying over to us. Their eyes bounce between the three of us, taking in the familiar features of our kids.

“Legend, Lovelyn, I’d like you to meet Scorch and Coco. Their husbands are Monster and Munch.”

The women squat so they’re eye-level with the kids and smile, holding out their hands.

“It’s very nice to meet you both,” Coco says.

“Why is your husband called Monster?” Lovelyn asks. “Does he hide in closets to scare little kids or something?”

“Never kids, pretty girl,” Coco replies.

Lovelyn audibly sighs and nods, releasing my hand to wrap her arms around Coco. It takes Coco a second to realize what’s happening, and then she hugs her back.

Knowing that my girl still has so much love for people after everything she’s witnessed fills my heart with joy. I never want them to hate the world and the people in it without reason.

Lovelyn moves to Scorch next. “Why is your husband called Munch?”

I cough to cover the laugh that tries to escape when Scorch’s face turns scarlet.

“Oh. Hmm. Ugh,” Scorch stumbles, trying to find a kid-friendly way to explain the fact that her husband got his road name because he enjoys munching on pussy.

Well, specifically hers. Now, anyway.

Just as she got her name because she goes scorched earth when she’s wronged. This woman gives zero fucks and it’s been beautiful the few times I’ve been witness to it.

I choose to step in to save her as much as I can. “He got his name because he’s always hungry, love bug.”

“Oh. It’s nice to meet you,” she says to Scorch as she gives her a hug.

After Legend shakes their hands, we all stand around staring at each other. I’m trying to ignore the heavy stares from everyone else in the room. My anxiety must show on my face because Coco smiles at me.

“Pope is in the chapel. They’re holding church.”

“That’s okay. These nuggets were getting hungry.”

“Well, let’s go see what we can sneak into then,” Scorch says.

The kids and I follow them into the kitchen. They keep up commentary with the kids, pulling laughs from them which I’m grateful for. Anything to keep their minds off the things they witnessed yesterday.

“How are you holding up?” Scorch asks me quietly as we keep our eyes on the kids.

“I’m scared. I’m worried about what it’s going to do to them. Children shouldn’t have to experience violence. Not what we went through with my ex or the gunfight they were caught in yesterday. Sometimes, I feel as if I’m failing them.”

Scorch places a soft hand on my arm. “You’re not failing them.

Look at them, Bird. Really look at them.

Even with what they saw yesterday, they’re happy.

Kids are pretty resilient. You removed them from your ex as soon as it was safe to do so and you protected them yesterday. You’re doing everything right, mama.”

I do what she tells me. I really look at my kids. They’re thriving here in a way they never had when we were with Frankie. People have cautiously converged to where we’re at in the kitchen, all of them interested in getting to know the two little people who are so much like me and Pope.

The twins are basking in all the attention.

A pair of strong arms wrap around me from behind. Before I have a chance to panic, his familiar masculine scent reaches me and I relax into his hold.

“I can tell you’ve considered running, little mama. We’re not going to let that happen. You have this whole club at your back. There’s not a person in here who wouldn’t protect you with their lives.”

“I can think of two,” I mutter, eyeing Dimples and Spunky through the kitchen doorway.

Pope chuckles. “That’s one reason I was coming to find you.

We just took some votes in church, and I think you’ll want to be present for this.

” He removes his arms and grabs my hand.

“Is it okay if Scorch and Coco stay with the kids? They can take them upstairs to our room if that’ll be comfortable for you. ”

Tucking my bottom lip between my teeth, I consider his words. It’s getting easier to trust them out of my sight, and as I watch everyone in the kitchen interact with them, I realize Pope is right. These people would give their lives before letting harm come to my kids.

I blow out a breath and nod. “Yeah, okay. They can take them back to the room until we do whatever it is you need me for.”

Pope waits until they have the kids back upstairs before he pulls me into the common room with the rest of the club members at our backs.

Dimples and Spunky straighten in their seats, eyeing the group of members warily.

Pope nods to Butcher and Manic, who take up position behind the women, then he turns to me. “Do you mind telling the club what you told me? About when you called to inform me about my kids. If you’re not comfortable doing that, I’ll stand for you.”

Spunky doesn’t really look threatened enough.

Her eyes are worried, but they’re not scared, and for some reason that doesn’t sit right with me.

Would Pope have come to us if she had just relayed my message back then?

If she had told him to come to the phone, would my children have had their father all these years?

It’s time I stand up for myself and my children.

I straighten my shoulders and step away from Pope, turning so that I have Spunky and the rest of the club in my sight.

Then I begin the same story I told Pope, watching the faces of the people standing before me.

Most of them accept my truths while others struggle to believe someone who’s a part of this club could do something so devious.

When I’m finished, quiet settles in the room for a second before Spunky’s furious denials echo through the space.

“Liar. She’s a liar, Pope. I never did that.”

“Spunky,” I start. “You’re the only person in this club I’ve heard never pronounce their l’s properly when you speak.”

She begins to protest again, but her denials lose their fire the more she notices that people aren’t believing her.

That’s the thing with growing up around the majority of these people—they know me. They know I’d never lie about something so serious. She doesn’t have that same assurance.

“Who was the male you had pretend to be me?” Pope asks her.

Spunky’s body shakes when it hits her that this is it. This is her chance. Her eyes search frantically around the room. They stop, move on, then come back to the side again before leaving. Suddenly, her eyes widen, and her face turns a sickly shade of white as terror fills them.

I look around the room, trying to see what she saw.

Who she saw.

But no one sticks out, and that’s more terrifying than anything.

“No one.”

“Very well,” Pope says, inclining his head before straightening his posture.

His eyes darken as his face goes blank. He folds his arms across his bulky chest, his ‘President’ patch on prominent display on his kutte.

Pope is such an intimidating presence when he steps into his role.

“Tanya ‘Spunky’ Colson, the vote was unanimous. For your erroneous interference in the relationship of the President of this club, you are hereby banished from this club and any of its properties. If you’re found on them, the ol’ ladies of this club will deal with you swiftly before you are arrested.

You will take nothing with you except what you came to this club with.

Manic and Butcher will see you from this property. ”

“But there’s another club after us,” she says, shocked as tears pour from her pale face.

Pope shrugs and then says in one of the hardest voices I’ve heard from him, “You are no longer a member of this club. However, I’m not so much of a bastard that I won’t provide you a place to sleep tonight.

A motel room has been paid for you for two days.

That gives you plenty of time to figure something out. ”

There’s a part of me that feels bad about this, but it’s not bigger than the piece of me that despises her for her role in all of this. Who does what she did? Maybe it’s so hard for me to comprehend doing something so heinous because I couldn’t imagine causing someone that kind of pain.

I’m not a perfect person. I’ve done things I haven’t been proud of, but I don’t know. It’s just . . . how do you get to the level she is?

Spunky begs and pleads until her voice grows hoarse. When she finally understands that there is no rescue coming her way, not even from the one she thought was her best friend, she hangs her head and lets Manic and Butcher lead her from the room.

After she’s gone, Pope turns to the room.

“We considered putting the club on lockdown, but as it’s only my family that’s been targeted, we’ve chosen not to.

” He looks at me. “I know you don’t want it, but this club is the safest place for you and the twins right now.

If you’d rather I pull men from here to safeguard the house, I will, but I’d feel better if you let us protect you all here. ”

Every member wearing a patch on their kutte steps forward, surrounding their president.

Basilisk nods his head at me. “Will lay down my life for you and the kids.”

One by one, they offer us the same protection, having my back in a way they didn’t in the past.

Cyanide is the last to speak. “Let us show you that you can trust us. Allow us the opportunity to show you that you and the twins are Saint’s Outlaw’s as much as everyone else in this club.”

My eyes seek out my sister standing against the back wall. Her face doesn’t reveal much, but she shrugs and nods, telling me I should accept their protection.

I blow out a breath and roam my eyes through the group, stopping on each person. “This doesn’t mean the past is forgiven, but it’s a step in that direction. I’ll accept your offer to keep my kids safe.”

“And you,” Savior states.

I shrug. “I’ve been let down too many times to believe it. Just keep your word.”

Without saying anything else, I turn my back to them and head back upstairs to my kids.

I’m here and I’m working on forgiveness, but it’s not a fix that’s going to happen quickly. Trust is so precarious and once it’s broken, it’s hard to find your footing around those people again.

The path is slippery, but I’m navigating it to the best of my ability.

Let’s just hope they’ll keep their word and be there if I fall.