Page 29

When Valkyrie told me that Pope was hurt, terror stole my breath.

Manic didn’t tell her how badly, so she couldn’t answer my pleas to know.

I haven’t been back to the clubhouse since we came back to Coral Cay, and I wasn’t ready to face any of them yet.

But Pope being hurt because he was going after Frankie, trumped the way I was feeling.

Frankie is dangerous. I know just what kind of damage he can cause.

My heart demanded I lay eyes on Pope to determine for myself how badly.

Valkyrie could see the panic building in my eyes, so she tossed me the keys to her car and told me she’d stay with the kids. One of the men he had sitting on the house tore off behind me while the other stayed behind for protection.

Thankfully, the prospect at the gate didn’t give me any trouble this time, and they let me straight in. Probably because of the biker behind me. Whatever the reason, I was grateful for it.

Then the damn idiot bikers wouldn’t let me past the front door. It didn’t matter because I was a woman on a mission who wouldn’t settle until I saw that the father to my children was okay.

I don’t know why it surprised me to find a club girl with her hands on him. It didn’t matter that she was stitching him up. All my brain saw was another woman touching him and it yanked me straight into the past.

What did surprise me, though, is Pope working through my trigger with me. It was his voice coaxing me back to the present. And holy shit, but the fury that rushed through me when the past faded was something I hadn’t felt in so very long. It was a welcomed friend that I embraced with both arms.

Stabbing that needle through his sorry ass was therapeutic.

Granted, not enough therapy to help all the shit between us, but it felt great causing him pain.

I should be ashamed of that, but fuck that shit. He’s the one that said he wanted my fire. Well, bless his little black heart, because I’ll gladly scorch his ass.

There was never really an option to work my anger out over his betrayal in the past. I was too heartbroken when it happened and then when we left, I needed to focus all of my energy on the kids.

I didn’t have time to be angry. Then I met Frankie and I think I just shoved everything Pope made me feel to the wayside.

It wasn’t something I ever dealt with properly.

Once he started abusing me, I couldn’t focus on anything other than keeping my kids safe and trying to survive to see another day.

So, this anger I have at Pope feels amazing. It’s a delicious, dark current of rage that pumps through my veins.

Then words pour from his mouth that hit me in my solar plexus. Words that he never intended to let out, judging by the expression on his face.

“Then?” My eyes fall to slits. “What do you mean you protected me then, Pope?”

Silence falls around us as I wait for Pope to explain himself.

He said he protected me then . From what? From who? The Steel Slayers?

“Answer me.”

I hate the shakiness of my voice. I hate being vulnerable in front of these people who would use it against me before they’d care about why.

My body flinches when Pope throws one of the pool balls into the wall with a growl.

Pope paces in front of me, continuously running his fingers through his bloody hair. His eyes flit to me before glancing around the room and he mutters under his breath.

Defeat weighs my shoulders down. Why did I ever expect this time to be different? It’s always going to be club first with him, isn’t it?

I turn my back to him, intending to walk out the door and back to our kids, but his harsh words stop me.

“The Steel Slayers were threatening you and Valkyrie. You were the primary target, but she was included in their threat.”

I whip around. “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Club business, little mama.”

“Would you stop with that excuse, for fuck’s sake. It was my life they were threatening. I had a right to know.”

“And it was my job to protect you,” he yells back.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Water fills my eyes and I curl my arms around myself. “Tell me you didn’t cheat on me because you thought it was keeping me safe.”

“I didn’t cheat on you,” he growls, stepping closer.

“Really? You didn’t have another woman grinding on your dick? One with her tits right in your face? What were your words to her, Pope? Show me that pussy?”

“I didn’t fuck her.”

Lifting my hand, I cover my mouth and laugh while rolling my eyes. “Oh, you sweet summer child. You really think the only way to cheat on someone is to stick your dick in them? The denial is strong with you, huh? I bet you’ve told yourself that for the last seven years, haven’t you?”

I straighten my shoulders and clasp my hands together tightly in front of me.

It’s that or I punch this fucker in his betraying ass mouth.

“Let me just make sure I have this right. Instead of bringing me on board, instead of telling me that my life was in danger, you elected to break my heart to,” I pause and lift one of my hands to put the next words into finger quotations, “protect me. And the way to really hammer it home was to do it with one of the club girls I considered a best friend. Did I miss anything?”

Anguish flashes in his normally non-expressive eyes, but it doesn’t stop him from answering me honestly. “Yeah. Your brother and all the council members knew about the plan.”

Though his words were something I already expected, it doesn’t stop them from digging deep and hurting me even more.

“What the fuck, Pope?” Cyanide roars.

“Oh, dear brother of mine. Don’t pretend to care now. You could have told me this when you wanted to clear the air between us. Yet, once again, you put the club and Pope before me. Careful, Cyanide. You’re liable to turn into our dad with all that lying.”

I turn to face the crowd of Saint’s Outlaws, my eyes drifting across all the faces.

Some familiar, others new. So many of them from that night.

My eyes move from them to the ol’ ladies.

Judging from the horror and anger on some of their faces, there were a few who didn’t know.

Scorch and Coco, two of the women I was closest with outside of Diamond, watch me with sadness and regret.

“You both knew why he did it?” I address them.

They scoot closer to me, but I take a step back, and they stop.

“I didn’t know when it was happening,” Scorch says.

“I didn’t find out until later that night.

Munch didn’t come out unscathed, Birdie.

I was so, so angry at him for a long time.

I’m so sorry for the hurt this club caused you.

I lost a good friend that night and I’ve felt the hole in my heart every day since. ”

Unsure of what to say, I just nod and turn to Coco.

“Same as Scorch. I knew nothing about it. Monster refused to speak about it for a while. Not until he caught me crying one night because I missed you and I was threatening to come kick Pope’s ass.

I was a bitch to people for a long time for what they did.

What I was unintentionally a part of. I’m sorry.

This club hasn’t been the same since you left. ”

I blow out a breath as I stare at them. “This is what I’m struggling with, though.

Even if you didn’t know it was a show, you were still in there with him while he was cheating on me.

You were supposed to be my friends. I would have never been okay with Monster or Munch cheating on you all.

I definitely wouldn’t have participated.

I accept your apologies, but I don’t know.

I just don’t know if I can be friends with people who accept the man I love betraying me with another woman. ”

Their men come to them, wrapping their crying frames in their muscular arms. Their jaws work and I know they want to snap at me for hurting their ol’ ladies, but they keep their mouths shut. They need to accept the roles they played in my betrayal.

They all do.

“I lost so many years with people I considered family because all of you made a heartbreaking decision about my life instead of giving me the opportunity to do it. You took away my choice, my voice. And that’s the worst thing you can do to anyone.

” I turn to Pope and refuse to hide the tears dripping down my face.

“You know, I’m disappointed with all of you more than anything.

I trusted you. All of you, but especially you.

I trusted that you all would always have my back against anything.

All it took was a threat and instead of having my back, you all made me run out with a broken heart.

Because that was the intention, wasn’t it?

To make me run. You knew Valkyrie would follow me.

I’ve lived through a lot of hell the last five years.

I was left with so many physical scars that I lost count of them.

You know what scar I didn’t lose count of?

The one you left on my heart. It’s deeper than most and it’s the one that hurt the worst.”

Pope falls to his knees, his hands locking behind his head as he stares at me with devastated eyes.

“It won’t fade. It won’t disappear. It’s a seething reminder of what happens when you let someone in. When you let them so deep inside your soul that they own you. It’s a harsh reminder that love fucking hurts.”

“I’m so fucking sorry, little mama,” he chokes out.

Walking up to him, I grip his hair and pull his head back until he’s peering up at me.

“I know you are, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

It doesn’t erase what you did. The memories of your hands on my friend don’t just disappear at your apology.

They’re always going to be there. I won’t be my mom, Pope. I refuse to be her.”

“Baby, no,” he says, his hands lifting to my hips. “You’re not her. I’m not your dad. I’m not going to cheat on you.”

I lift a brow and his eyes squeeze shut before they open.

Remorse sets deeply inside them. “Again. I won’t cheat on you again.”

Blowing out a breath, I release his hair. “Oh, you beautiful, beautiful beast. That’s what he would always promise, too.”

Then I change the subject, because honestly, I’m tired. Really freaking tired. My soul is fucking exhausted from having to fight so much just to live.

“Where is she?”

“Who?” he asks, climbing to his feet.

“Diamond.”

“She left right after you did. It was the one request she made when I asked her to help me.”

“So, she knew everything?”

“No, not everything. She knew what I was asking her to do was to protect you. That’s it. She loved you as much as I do, Birdie. Just differently. She thought she was doing the right thing.”

I scoff. “Yeah, well, you were all wrong. Do you know where she’s at?”

He shakes his head, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I don’t, but Rack does. He’s kept in touch with her.”

“Bring her back because I have things to say to her, too.”

Pope nods at Rack, giving a silent order.

My eyes fall to Dimples and Spunky and narrow.

I’d like to say it’s surprising that they’re still here, but it’s not.

The club rarely gets rid of club girls unless they do something that warrants it.

Spunky shakes in her shoes as I hold her stare, but then I move to Dimples.

Her face is pale, her eyes wild with some undefined emotion.

My smile forms slowly the longer I glare at them.

Amusement spurts through me when they grab each other’s hands and back out of the room.

Not yet. It’s not time to deal with them yet, but soon.

But it has unwanted questions running through my head that I need Pope to answer.

Most of the club members have dispersed, leaving me and Pope to ourselves.

“Have you been with them?” I ask him.

“No. Never,” he answers without having to ask who.

“Have you been with any of them?”

“Little mama,” he says warily then sighs when I shoot him a look. “Yeah, Birdie, a couple of them. Didn’t really like using the sweetbutts, though. Most of the time it was townies.”

There’s this broken feeling inside me. A sadness that settles into my core as my eyes scan the faces of the girls roaming around the club.

He said it wasn’t Dimples or Spunky. Was it Bunny, who constantly likes to fuck and wear bunny ears around the club?

Maybe it was Hoover. The guys always talked about how her mouth was like a vacuum.

I know how much Pope loved to have his dick sucked.

It could be Squirt, whose pussy comes like a geyser when they get her off.

My eyes rake over the one who was helping Pope when I came in. She was definitely one of them.

Pope’s fingers grasp my chin, turning my head back to him.

“Stop. None of them matter, little mama. They never did. They were just a warm hole to land when thoughts of you nearly drowned me. You’re exhausted.

I’m fucking exhausted. I want to see my kids, and I want to hold the three of you tightly.

I promise we’ll talk more, and we’ll work through this more.

Can we just go home so I can be with my family? ”

I pull away from him. “Yeah. Let’s go. I suddenly don’t want to be in here anymore.”

This place was once my home, but it doesn’t feel like it anymore. It feels like another chain around my heart.