Page 31

After our hate fuck session in the kitchen, and me nearly killing Pope with my pussy, he carries me to the shower.

He’s so gentle as he washes my hair and body, as if I’m the most precious thing to him. It’s so reminiscent of the past that tears fill my eyes.

I’m still so, so angry at him after learning what I did at the club.

How dare he—how dare any of them—make such a devastating choice for someone? Their decision left me with the hellish consequences. I’m the one who paid the most for that choice.

Is it fair of me to blame them for the hell I went through with Frankie?

Absolutely not, but after finding out some of what happened, how can I not? They could have brought me in, told me what was happening. If they would have just clued me in on the plan, we could have acted like we’d split up. Or at least found a solution that wasn’t so damn soul destroying.

When I told Pope that I’d called the clubhouse, he acted like he had no clue what I was talking about. That can’t be the truth, though, because I heard him say it. I know I did.

So, if he really didn’t want the kids, if he wanted me to get rid of them so badly, why is he so angry believing I intentionally kept them from him?

“Tell me about the kids, little mama.”

His chest rumbles under my cheek as his fingers drift through my hair.

“What do you want to know?”

“Tell me about you calling the clubhouse.”

I brush a kiss over his heart and sit up with a sigh, tucking the sheet around me. I scoot around until I can fold my legs in a crisscross so I can watch his face when I tell him what happened back then.

“The first time I tried telling you, I couldn’t get through. Every person I called had my number blocked.”

Pope places one of his inked hands on my thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry, little mama. I ordered it because I knew if I didn’t, one of us would cave if you called. We were in the thick of it then.”

I nod and continue. “When I couldn’t get through to any of you, I called the clubhouse.

I was somewhere around three months. My emotions were all over the place and wasn’t thinking clearly.

At first, I didn’t think anyone was going to answer.

Just as I was about to hang up in defeat, one of the club girls answered. ”

He tries to interrupt, but I shoot him a look and he snaps his mouth shut.

“Let me get through this. Then you can ask all the questions you want.” When he leans back against the headboard with a pout, the corners of my mouth twitch.

“Spunky answered the phone. My thinking may have been fuzzy, but I’d know that putrid tone anywhere.

I told her I needed to talk to you, but she kept refusing.

Telling me you didn’t want to speak to me.

Pregnancy hormones had me cranky, and I stupidly blurted out that I was pregnant and needed to tell you.

I remember the line getting really quiet and then her telling me to give her a moment to get you.

It was strange because her voice took on this real sweet tone.

As if she actually cared. When she came back on the line, she was really apologetic about it taking so long for you to come.

And then she was talking to you, telling you I was on the phone.

That it was important because I was pregnant.

Pope, I heard you in the background. You said that you didn’t give a fuck and for me to get rid of the bastards. ”

His body moves so fast that it scares the hell out of me.

He grabs me around the waist and pulls me over his lap before cupping my face in his wide palms. “Baby, I need you to hear me. Whoever you heard, it wasn’t me.

No way in hell, I’d never not care you were carrying my babies.

And no way in fuck would I ever tell you to get rid of them.

To have miniature versions of you running around has always been my greatest wish. ”

My brows draw together as I consider his words. I try to bring that voice back to mind, but it’s been so long, and the words were so damaging to my psyche that I draw a blank.

So, I try to grasp on to any explanation.

“I don’t know. Maybe you were too drunk to remember?”

“Never. There’s no fucking way,” he swears adamantly.

I begin to question everything about that night.

“I don’t know, Pope. I heard a man say those words. It was you, or maybe it wasn’t. How am I supposed to trust that after what you did? You always swore you’d never touch another woman, too, but you did.”

He moves on with a sigh. “What was it like? The pregnancy. The birth. I’d like to know it all.”

“It was hard. I won’t sugarcoat it for you.

Being pregnant with twins put me at a higher risk than a normal pregnancy.

I fought high blood pressure. The morning sickness wasn’t just in the mornings, it was all day, almost every day.

I had a panic attack at five months because I was so sure I was going into labor.

I was absolutely terrified because I knew they wouldn’t survive that early.

Valkyrie was there, though, holding my hand and reassuring me everything was going to be okay.

Right at my thirty-four mark, I went into preterm labor.

They did their best to slow it down with magnesium because I wasn’t dilating fast enough.

When they realized I wasn’t going to dilate past six centimeters, they determined I was going to need a C-section.

” My eyes search his terrified eyes. “Valkyrie tried calling you again because I was petrified, and I was stupidly crying for you. It was scary, but it went fast. That wasn’t the most terrifying thing, though.

Two hours after delivery, Lovelyn went into distress.

They said it was transient tachypnea of the newborn. TTN for short.”

“What’s that?” he asks in an agonized whisper.

“It’s when there’s excessive lung fluid. They believe the C-section may have had something to do with it.”

“But she’s okay now?”

I nod. “Yeah. She had extra oxygen for a few days. They had to keep Legend in there with her, though, because if they tried to separate them, her vitals went crazy. I’m telling you, Apollonos, it was scary as hell seeing their tiny bodies in an incubator.

One with tubes going up her nose.” Then I smile, thinking about my tough babies.

“Legend never let go of her hand. The entire twenty days they were in there, he never let her go.”

“Do you have pictures?”

“Valkyrie does. I made her keep everything from their baby years safe because I was terrified of what Frankie would do with it.”

“I’d like to see it one day.”

“Of course,” I promise, reaching out to wipe the tears that have fallen from his eyes.

His head falls to my chest, his lips resting against the spot my heart beats.

Pope’s anguish turns the air in the room into such a stifling pressure that I struggle to breathe through it.

No matter how angry I am, his pain has always called out to mine. My soul pleads for me to soothe the ache that’s in his. It urges me to take care of its mate. Unable to resist the call, I run my fingers through his hair. There’s a whisper of breath against my skin from his sigh.

“Will you tell me more about that night?” I ask softly.

“There’s not much more to tell you other than what we already talked about.

I had to come up with something to get you and Valkyrie out of here.

I was losing focus with the Steel Slayers because I was worried about the threats toward you and Kyrie.

” He leans his head back against the headboard and stares at me with shattered eyes.

“Being distracted is a good way to end up dead in this lifestyle. You know that more than anyone because of Piston. I knew you wouldn’t leave willingly, and I knew if you stayed, I’d be more worried about you.

If I’d have told you what was happening, you would have demanded to help.

” His finger reaches out to drift over my face in such a tender way that my eyes water.

“I’m not an actor, baby. There’s no way I could have just pretended to be split up with you while you were still around. You had to go.”

“Where did Diamond come in?”

Pope’s thumb caresses my thigh. “Out of all the club girls, she was the only one I knew I could trust not to take advantage of the situation. She loved you and only wanted to do what she could to help protect you. Her one stipulation for helping was that once you were gone, we let her leave. She chose where she wanted to go, and we helped her get set up in her new place. We made sure she never had to work again if she chose not to. She sacrificed everything she loved that day too. None of what we did was right, but at the time, we thought it was the only way. Gavel reamed my ass for it. He never approved. Hell, there were a lot of club members who didn’t. ”

His eyes grow distant as he loses himself to his thoughts.

“When I stopped outside your house that day, that’s when I really knew how badly I’d fucked up.

Another man had everything that should’ve been mine because I was too stupid to hold on to you.

If I had known the hell you would’ve faced after that visit, I would’ve stolen you all away like I wanted to.

You seemed so fucking happy, though. How the hell could I steal even more of that from you? ”

“Did you have sex with Diamond?”

“No, little mama. My hands never strayed from where I had them on her hips. It may not have looked like it from your position, but the only thing on the lower part of her body that touched me was her legs.”

“Why have you never fucked Dimples or Spunky?”

“Because of you. You didn’t like them, and I had enough demons vying for my soul, I didn’t need to add more to the chase.”

Quiet grows between us as we both get lost in our thoughts.

It’s easier than I expected talking about this with him.

Maybe it’s because so many years have passed, or maybe it’s because I’ve been through true hell and survived.

What he did wasn’t okay and I’m not going to just say that I forgive him without having the time to work on it.

We have a long way to go before we’re in a comfortable place again.

I can trust him with our kids. I can trust him with my life. But I’m finding it really difficult to trust him with my heart.

Seven years ago, I thought our love was the strongest thing in the world. There was nothing that could come in between us. Or so I thought. It took a threat for him to break every oath he made to me.

What happens if I’m threatened again? What if the kids are? Will his knee-jerk reaction be to break our hearts and send us away?

They’re questions I don’t have answers to yet. He can say that it won’t happen, but he’s proven that it can. Only time will actually tell if we can count on him to always be there for us, despite what life throws our way.

“Where’s your head at?” he asks.

“Trust. How do I know you won’t break mine and the twins’ hearts to protect us if we’re threatened?”

“Is Frankie not a threat to you?” I bob my head, and he continues.

“He knows you’re with me, and you’re still here.

I haven’t chased you away because I’m not letting you go again.

This time, we’ll face this together like we should have in the past. If you give me the chance, I promise to make it up to you.

To show you that this time will be different.

I may not include you in a lot of club business, but if it has to do with you or the kids, you will be.

Do you think you can do that? Give us another chance? ”

Can I open myself up to him again? Can I take the risk of loving him?

If there’s one thing about life that I understand the most, it’s that it doesn’t come with guarantees.

You’re going to step in shit and it’s going to stink.

Sometimes, the stench will follow you. Sometimes, you have the proper ingredients to wash it away.

Love will be sunshine and rainbows, but it also comes with storms. Powerful storms that obliterate everything you’ve built until you’re left standing in the rubble of what once was.

It’s then that you have a choice to make.

Will you let the wreckage bury you, or will you rise from the ruins and reclaim what you’ve lost?

“Okay,” I whisper, my eyes glued to the way my fingers drift through the coarse hair on his tattooed chest.

Pope tucks a colorful finger under my chin and lifts my face. “Say it again.”

The hope in his voice has warmth unfurling in my chest. “Okay. Yes, I’ll give you the chance to make it right. It’s not just me this time, Apollonos. There’s two other people counting on you to love us.”

“And I’m going to show you all that it’s the easiest fucking thing I’ve ever done.”

He brings his mouth to mine, conveying his thanks. His happiness. His love.

Then he spends the rest of the night worshipping me. Our hands and lips work in tandem to reacquaint themselves with each other’s bodies in the gentle way our fast fires don’t allow.

Slowly.

Sensually.

In the most depraved, the most erotic, the most loving way possible.

We fuck with a salacious obsession.

We make love in a hedonistic madness.

And when our insatiable appetites turn greedy for one another, we fall into the most perverse rapture.