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Story: Pole Position

Before coming up to Championship racing, I don’t think I ever could have imagined a world where after coming first in a Grand Prix, the most exciting thing would be getting a text from Kian which is nothing but a screenshot displaying the top three rankings of the season so far.

1. Harper James.

2. Elijah Gutaga

3. Johannes Muller.

There’s no denying the way it fills my heart with a little burst of joy, I almost want to save the picture and put it as my background, but that would mean replacing the one of me and Kian and I would never.

We’ve become a tight little threesome at the top of the championship rankings, but this is the first time I’ve been on top. Johannes might not be a Hendersohm, but all three of us; me, Kian, and Elijah, route for him like one in private.

If we could be a team of three we would be, but sadly that’s not possible. It also didn’t stop me from constantly wanting to come out on top in our little trio. There is nothing I love more than lording it over the other two as the driver who had the least experience in the lower category.

‘Oi, James, come on we need to address the media before we can go out and celebrate.’ And yep, I’ve turned Kian’s best friend to the dark side. He loves going out for our celebratory drinks and dinners after a win or even to commiserate a loss.

‘Remember who you’re talking to, Gutaga. The rankings don’t lie.’ I flash him the screenshot and he shoots me the middle finger.

‘It was actually your bestie who sent me that, how sad are you that he loves me more than you?’

‘Dream on.’ He rolls his eyes at my behaviour, but I know he’s nothing but happy for me and Kian.

Last season it’d taken us a moment to get in the swing of things after Hendersohm offered me a three-year contract alongside Elijah. I’d almost slipped back into bad habits of partying and not being a good team player, but Kian had flown out to Canada for the seventh Grand Prix of the season and whipped my ass back into line.

There is no denying I found it harder to get back into my A game at first with him not on the team and tracks, too. But, the second me and Elijah found our groove it was like magic. And has been ever since.

Anders had been so grateful that Kian had come four-thousand miles to make sure I sorted myself out and things with Elijah that he paid for his flights.

Anders is still the absolute best, it almost hurts to hear the rumors that he is thinking about retiring and handing over the reins to his son.

Not that I’d be complaining, I might be tied down now but I could appreciate every bit how gorgeous Jackson is. His tanned skin, chocolate curls and velvety-brown eyes wouldn’t hurt to look at for nine months a year.

He’s been around more recently again, hanging out in the garage, becoming chummy with Cole and Ash and Anna. Making his mark, it feels like.

He’s the same age as Kian, so maybe I just have a thing for older men who enjoy telling me what to do. Who knows. I’m just excited to see how it all plays out.

The press have harped on and on about the dream team Hendersohm has become in their short period of existence and how there are now drivers all over the world wanting to be part of the best team currently in the sport. It’s been an absolute core moment that I’ve been a big part of putting the team on the map. An honour.

Elijah takes the lead with a lot of the team-based questions, but the journos love to try and gain an insight into my personal life.

‘Is Kian Walker here today?’ One of them asks and I shake my head. ‘Trouble in paradise?’

I almost laugh in his face, but I’m not willing to sit through media training again right now.

‘Not today, he’s building our forever home as we speak.’

I can’t believe I ever wanted to hide us behind closed bedroom doors. Now I take great pleasure in talking about him all the time. Especially to journalists who doubted us during the early stages of our relationship.

Our relationship has taken the racing world by storm. I can only imagine how it would have been if Kian hadn’t retired. If we’d been a team again with Hendersohm or, heaven forbid, on rival teams. The rivalry is strong enough between teammates, never mind opposing teams. Everyone would have had a field day with it, I’m sure.

‘You must miss him, does that have any effect on your performance on the track?’ This time, I do snort at their ridiculous commentary.

‘I think my lap times and overall finishing place today speaks for itself .’

Shooting Elijah the glare he’s become so used to he hurries us along the press line and we’re quickly back in the garage with our second family.

I have a second family. It’s bizarre to think about having one, let alone two. Yet the Hendersohm family have looked after me for the last three years and then when I leave them, I head home to the Walkers. I can’t wait to become a Walker, even if Kian doesn’t know yet that I’m planning to take his name.

* * *

‘I can’t believe how much progress you’ve made in the last couple of months. The panelling in the guest room looks amazing. Who knew my fiancé was such a dab hand at DIY?’

FaceTiming is something we’ve got really good at over the last season and a half of being apart. Missing someone the way I miss him when we’re on opposite sides of the globe is a new experience for me.

The first month of last season, when Kian was at home and trying to settle back into normal life, was the worst. To the point I actually flew home for two days between the Saudi and the Australian Grand Prix’s. Whilst money isn’t an object, and I’ll charter a private jet every day of my life to see Kian if I have to, it was probably really stupid considering how much the jetlag messed me up when I returned to Australia.

Now we have healthier coping strategies, and Anders loves Kian so much he’s happy to let him join us on the road whenever he feels like it.

‘I hope you still think so when you see it up close. It looks better on screen, I think.’ There’s sweat dripping down Kian’s forehead as he works on the extension we had built earlier this year.

I was able to be at home with him for the whole of the British Grand Prix, and then I left for three-and-a-half months, and when I came home the cottage had basically doubled in size and we had acquired eight animals.

He obviously didn’t actually build the extension himself, but he’s decorating and furnishing every inch of it to perfection. I convinced him to start a social media account to chart his progress, and it now has over a million followers on Instagram and TikTok, thank you very much.

‘You know what I’d love?’ I say. ‘A pool.’ I’ve been dropping subtle hints about us having one on the property – there’s so much land it would definitely be possible – but Kian’s been reluctant to agree.

‘An outdoor pool in the UK just seems so pointless. Like, we get two weeks of summer and that’s it. Plus, the maintenance is a hassle.’

‘We’ll get a pool boy,’ I suggest.

With a roll of his eyes, Kian replies, ‘Yeah, you’d love that, wouldn’t you?’

‘Not as much as I love you.’

‘Wow, being engaged has made you cringeworthy, Harper.’

‘You love it.’ And I know he does. He embraces every bit of me, from my competitive stubbornness to the cringey way I express my love to how I hog the duvet. I have no doubt about that. Not anymore.

I’m just about to suggest maybe a quick round of phone sex or at least ask if I can watch Kian beat off in our new guest room, but I’m quickly interrupted by loud knocking on my bedroom door.

‘What’s going on?’ Kian asks, the noise loud enough for even him to hear.

I peer through the keyhole to find both Elijah and Johannes lingering in the hallway. ‘Just a couple of jokers,’ I say. ‘One sec.’ I lower the phone and unlock the door to let the pair in. ‘Say hi to my fiancé.’

I practically shove the phone in both of their faces but they only laugh. ‘Kian, please ask your man when he’s gonna be tired of that word. He’s gonna wear it out!’ Elijah’s playful tone only makes me laugh.

He and I have become close in the last eighteen months. We work well together as a team, and we’ve had some great success too. He’s also happy to listen to me go on about Kian for hours, which I also like.

So yeah, maybe I’ve made a big deal of this engagement, but Kian asking me to marry him means more than anything in the world. More than any championship, cup or million-pound brand deal.

Because it means he wants to keep me around forever. That’s not something anyone has ever wanted of me before, and I’m finally not afraid to embrace it and show it off to the world. I deserve it, I deserve him, and I deserve to be happy – thank you, therapy! I don’t worry anymore that he’ll up and leave me.

It’s not a development that happened overnight, by any means. It’s probably why I flew home for two days and gave myself chronic jet lag – to make sure he was still interested. Yet here I am, ready to commit to forever. I’d do it tomorrow if Kian would let us, but he wants to have everything just right – the cottage, the extension, the barn, the off-season timing.

That’s his gift to me – the perfect wedding. And mine to him – is that I’m going to become a Walker. I want to take his name, because the Walker family have embraced me and welcomed me in a way that has changed my life.

Another thing that’s very different about our lives now is the way we’re all starting to lean in to farm life. I was very sceptical at first, but both Kian and Grant were obsessed and I saw how happy it made them both. Grant has cut down on his work trips significantly, and he and Kian have been developing Chastity’s land together. It has become a beautiful bromance and it makes no one happier than me and Elise.

With Cassie in school and Jesse approaching nursery age, Elise is finally back finishing her nursing degree, and because Grant is home more, her dream job is something she can pursue again. I couldn’t be prouder of both the Walker twins.

At this point, I’ve zoned out of the conversation so much that Johannes is holding my phone as he, Elijah and Kian chatter away.

Johannes. Well, Johannes remains a mystery. It’s crazy that he’s become my biggest worry in life over the last year. Something has changed in him, he’s become reserved in himself, quiet, only wanting to hear about my life and never talk about his. It’s made being friends difficult at times, but we push through.

It’s something I’ve spoken about in depth to both my therapist and Kian, he’d been so full of life and then all of a sudden so full of secrets. He still enjoys going out to eat with us and for a couple drinks here and there, but he never looks at any of the many men who throw themselves at him. He’s not looked at another man for the last eighteen months and none of us know why. At first, I used to push him about it, but it only made him clam up more. Now, we’re all resigned to the fact that he’ll tell us when he’s ready. Just like I did with Kian.

The worry niggles away at me as I watch him talking to Kian, he’s animated in his teasing but I can tell he doesn’t mean it. Insight that comes from knowing each other for almost a decade now.

‘Can I say goodbye to my fiancé, please?’ I ask holding out my hand to retrieve the phone.

‘And there he goes again,’ Johannes jokes, but he hands over the phone anyway.

‘I’m going to take these two jokers out to dinner. You know, because I’m earning the big bucks now after winning the world championship last year.’

Yep, that’s right, I won the Drivers’ Championship the year after Kian. If my place hadn’t been secure on the Hendersohm team before, then it was after that win. The whole team has begun to feel like family, too – a ‘found family’ – so now I have two. I feel rich beyond my deepest desires. Family, a man I love, and the career I always dreamed of.

‘Okay, baby.’ Johannes and Elijah gag behind us at Kian. ‘Speak to you later. Call me when you’re back and in bed.’ He throws me a wink that thankfully neither of them see. ‘Love you.’

It doesn’t matter that it’s the millionth time I’ve heard him say it, it still warms my heart. ‘Love you, too. Enjoy the clean-up from that panelling.’

I hang up and head out for dinner with the boys.

It’s not long until the season’s over, and then I’ll be back home with my fiancé, my Kian, my love. I can’t believe how much time I spend thinking about the future now. I barely used to think beyond the day, the hour, the second – and I admit it led me to make plenty of bad decisions – and now I’m just thinking about walking through the door of our home. I think about the kids we might have one day. I think about the fact that when I get home I’ll discover that Kian’s acquired a flock of sheep or a pack of llamas – or something equally as daft. And I won’t care.

I won’t care at all.