Page 51 of Poison Apple Crisp
Lainey waves the idea off. “A lawnmower in the living room couldn’t wake her now if it wanted. Come back at three in the morning, the hoot of an owl in another state is bound to send her wailing.”
We share a laugh on my poor, exhausted sister’s behalf.
Both Lainey and I have caramel-colored locks and hazel eyes. In fact, we look so much like blood sisters I never really bought that whole adoption story my parents fed me as a kid. If anything, I thought they got their daughters mixed up because Meg is the one that’s been the odd one out.
Lainey’s hair is frizzy and uncombed. Her skin looks luminescent, but she does have dark circles under her eyes and her sweatshirt has a few stains over it. I’m guessing the candle was lit in haste because she doesn’t exactly smell like a rose. But that sweet baby... now she smells like a tiny piece of paradise pie.
“Come on, greedy.” Carlotta flicks her fingers until Evie lands little Josie into her arms. “Oh, ho, ho, ho. Lookie who’s gotcha now, kid? It’s your old Auntie Carlotta. I’ll be here if you’re ever in the need of wise counsel.”
“Beware, Josie, she’s chock-full of bad advice,” I say, and Carlotta does her best to kick me.
“Don’t you listen to Lot Lot. She’s chock-full of a cutie pie just like you, and that cutie has been nibbling on her brain as a snack. But that kiddo will be here soon enough, and the two of you will be up to no good together. That’s the best part about having cousins. You get to share everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly.”
Tears come to my eyes just thinking about it.
“Aw,” Lainey coos. “I hope they’re just as close as we are. So how are you feeling, Lottie? You look so put together and cute, I must look like a beast to you guys.”
“You are glowing,” I’m quick to tell her. “And I am, well,growing. All I do is pee, cry, and puke.”
Evie nudges me. “Don’t forget the fried pickles.”
“Ooh, thanks for reminding me.” I pull the smallest box forward, and I quickly offer Lainey my new deep-fried specialty. “Go on, give it a try. They’re amazing. And if you eat one with a jelly donut, they’re even better.”
Lainey grunts. “No offense, Lottie, but I think I’ll pass. I’m sure Forest will gobble them up, though. The meal train from church has died down, and we’re left to our devices.”
“I’ll make sure to bring by some Wicked Wok,” I offer. “And Mangias.”
Carlotta nods. “And I’ll make sure to tell Miranda to get her butt back in the kitchen and whip up some casseroles for you.”
Lainey laughs as she opens another box of my sweet treats. “Ooh, donuts. Now we’re talking.” She pulls out an apple fritter and moans through a bite. “Oh man, this is good. I’m putting in a running order for a box a day.”
“Your wish is my command. I can’t seem to get enough donuts lately myself.”
“Hey,” Evie leans my way, “Uncle Noah is a cop, and cops love donuts. Maybe that means the baby is his?”
Carlotta nods. “Now you’re onto something, kid.” She looks my way. “What kinds of things have you been craving that might make the paternity pendulum swing toward Mr. Sexy?”
Evie gags. “If you’re not going to call him by his name, please refer to him as Judge Baxter in my presence.”
“Sorry, kid,” Carlotta bleats. “But as far as your daddy goes, that might as well be his legal moniker. He’s as hot as an iron skillet in a furnace, and that, my friend, will be your cross to bear.”
“Well, Lottie?” Lainey bobs her head my way. “What about Everett? Craving anything that might give a hint that he’s the baby daddy.”
“Actually, I have been craving something.” I lift my chin and give a frenetic nod in lieu of spelling it out for them. “Something he specializes in and is well known for.”
“Gross.” Evie sticks her fingers into her ears, and I take advantage of it.
“It’s like I can’t get enough. Not even the move he dubbed thecurehas done anything to slow me down. I’m as insatiable with my donuts as I am with his body.”
“La la la!” Evie sings, and I give her a pat on the knee.
Lainey takes a breath. “That sounds about right. I was the same way. Poor Forest. He couldn’t catch a break. Not that he wanted one. And, of course, I cried, peed, and puked my way through every second of it. I had weird cravings, too. Anchovies, oily bitter olives, sardines, and I needed ranch dressing on everything I ate.”
“That all sounds so delicious.” A husky moan comes from me. “I think I’m going to have all of the above for dinner.”
“Bleh.” Evie looks ill just thinking about it. “You’re not allowed in my room anymore.”
Carlotta blows the baby a kiss. “Let’s talk about something that doesn’t involve salty fish or the fact you-know-who can’t handle the bedroom detail anymore.”