Page 9

CHAPTER 9

CAMDEN

T hat jackass had kissed me right there in my brother’s kitchen. What had he been thinking?

He hadn’t been. That was the only answer. He’d let his intrusive thought win, given me the best kiss of my life with my brothers on the other side of the wall and now I had to sit here in class listening to the professor talk about ways to present a story so that it looked better for your client. It was for our final project.

Or half-listening because my brain refused to stay off of Jenner.

The way his hand had slid over my cheek. Or how he’d wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me to him…

But like every time I thought about him, memories of that night creeped in. The pain of tripping and landing on that damn tree branch. Hell, if I hadn’t turned my body so that I’d landed on my back, that thing could’ve stabbed me in the face.

In my mind, I could see it all happening as if I were a bystander standing there right now.

“Camden, don’t close your eyes,” he’d said harshly, almost sounding angry. But when I really let those words play through my mind on a loop, I realized it hadn’t been anger in his voice.

It had been fear .

Still didn’t mean much, considering he’d be afraid anyone in that situation was going to die, but pair that with the paleness of his face, and the terror in his eyes that night and maybe, just maybe, it had meant something more.

But then why would he have pushed me away in the first place?

After shaking out the memories, I tried to focus on the professor and what she was saying. Good thing too or I would’ve missed it when she dismissed us. Now I had a little bit of a break until my next class. After that was done, I’d head over to Harlowe’s and snuggle the baby.

My brother had been gone less than twenty-four hours and Harlowe insisted I didn’t need to come over, but when I’d asked if she wanted time alone and if that was why she was saying that, she’d said no . She preferred me to come hang out but didn’t want me to feel obligated.

I didn’t. Sure, my brother had asked me to check in, but he hadn’t asked me to spend every minute there. I was doing that because I loved her and the baby.

“That’s so nice of him,” one of the girls from my class—Allie, I thought—said right after I’d dropped into a chair in the common area where I normally waited for my next class. She was model tall and thin with a pixie cut. Cute as hell.

“It really is,” the other whose name I couldn’t remember at all agreed. “I just can’t believe that my mom got to meet Jenner Greene. The man is hot and she couldn’t appreciate it the way I would. ”

They both snickered and I couldn’t fault either of them. The man was hot.

“All those guys donate to charity,” I told them. “Quite a lot, actually.”

“Oh, that’s right.” Allie snapped her fingers. “Your brothers are the Briggses. So you know Jenner Greene, right?”

I nodded. More than I really wanted to. “I do.”

“My mom works with the Youth Development Foundation of Kalamazoo,” the unnamed woman told me. She had her auburn hair pulled up in a bun.

“That is a favorite of Jenner’s,” I said. It was one of the three charities he chose for Silas to donate to each year after their stupid bets. “Jenner is my brother’s best friend,” I explained. “I hear things.”

“That’s so cool,” Allie said as she came to sit in a chair closer to me.

“I guess.” I shrugged. Knowing Jenner wasn’t what I would call ‘cool,’ but they weren’t the ones I’d tell that to.

“My mom has said that Jenner comes in to volunteer sometimes.” Then she rolled her eyes. “It’s never when I’m there, though.”

I snickered because her annoyance was probably something a lot of women felt about a missed opportunity to meet Jenner. Not me—I was the opposite. I was annoyed that he was around. “They’re good about that, too,” I told them. “I help run my family’s summer camp each year and none of them usually complain about being voluntold to come run the baseball clinic. ”

The women laughed, Allie throwing her head back. “‘Voluntold,’” she said once she’d stopped. “I like that.”

Even I had to admit that while it was awesome how the guys donated money all the time, it was a whole other thing that Jenner volunteered his time outside of what was semi-required by the team. They didn’t have a lot of down time and I’d assumed all of his was spent falling from one bed to the next.

This was a big deal.

Had me wondering if I’d been misjudging him this whole time. I really thought he was a player off the field and for some of it, I knew he was. I’d heard things that I hadn’t wanted to hear, but it had me questioning if the judgement I’d made at seventeen was still accurate. He’d shown me it then, but still.

Now, looking back, I realized it was naive of me to think a twenty-one-year-old man would want to be with a seventeen-year-old girl, but it was what he’d said and how he’d said it that had thrown me over the edge.

Looking at Kelsie, I know I’d have to dump a body if a grown man tried to get with her when she was seventeen.

That had been Jenner’s main argument, but again, it was how he’d said it that had hurt the most.

The women I was sitting with continued to talk about the Knights and who was hot. Cobb was mentioned more than once and I fought back visibly gagging. It gave me time with my thoughts .

Jenner had never said it had been about me. He’d always said it had been his age. As if mine had been perfectly fine, but he’d been too old. He’d said he could never…

It didn’t matter what he’d said to make me understand, but the fact that he’d centered the whole thing around his age meant… he could’ve had feelings for me back then. Which made that kiss in my brother’s kitchen….

The night in the woods, Jenner had saved me. He’d come to see me in the hospital after my surgeries. Each one. And he hadn’t come with my brothers, but rather on his own, even though he’d just been drafted and had to be leaving. He’d pushed his reporting day due to a family emergency.

It had been me. I’d been the emergency.

So here was this huge thing happening to him, but his focus was on making sure that I was all right.

Then when time had run out and he’d had to leave, my anger had been left to stew. I’d been caught up in all of my feelings that maybe I hadn’t been seeing things clearly.

Now I was confused and confusion meant I’d have to talk to Harlowe about all of this.

Could I have been the one being an asshole all this time and not him? Sure, but I didn’t like to think about the possibility.

Besides, it had been years since I’d turned eighteen. No longer illegal and no longer a little girl. All that time, Jenner had been with many, many women. Ever since his girlfriend in high school had cheated on him, he’d never settled down a single time. He’d gone through women like they were tissue.

Or that was how it seemed.

I supposed I didn’t know for sure because I hadn’t been there.

He’d been twenty-one, drafted by a Major League baseball team and under the kind of scrutiny and pressure most of us could only imagine.

I was twenty-two now and definitely don’t do everything right.

Maybe… and this was a huge maybe … Jenner deserved some grace for how he’d handled something five years ago.

Damn. Discovering that I might be the asshole in all this was rough. I needed ice cream, a baby to snuggle, and my best friend.

After my second class, I headed over to Harlowe’s house.

She looked exhausted when I got there and her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“What’s going on?” I asked after dropping my purse by the door and pushing my shoes off.

“Kelsie has been crying and I’m exhausted. Same thing as every day right now.”

The baby had cried a bunch overnight, so neither of us had gotten the appropriate amount of rest. “Does she seem sick or anything?”

Harlowe shook her head. Luckily for her, she healed quickly and was feeling physically really good. Emotionally and mentally, not so much .

Kelsie let out a little cry. There was definitely something going on.

“I called the pediatrician,” Harlowe said, but she didn’t look happy about it. “I took her this morning while you were in class.”

My eyes widened. “You should’ve called me. I would’ve taken you.”

“No reason to.” She picked the baby up and that seemed to help a little. “I’m capable and all of my outside-of-the-body stuff is good. I didn’t tear, so there was nothing like that to heal.”

I cringed. The idea of tearing during childbirth wasn’t appealing. “So what did they say?”

Harlowe sighed as her eyes filled with tears. “I’m a failure.”

I furrowed my brows. “Who said that? Because I’m about to punch someone.”

She snorted and blinked away the moisture. “No. The pediatrician didn’t say it, but Kelsie has lost some weight, which is normal for a newborn at first because of transitioning to getting their nutrients by mouth or something. I don’t know. Anyway, the doctor doesn’t think I’m producing enough milk. Because I pump occasionally, maybe I’m hindering supply. Like I never got if fully established or something like that. All this while I thought I was getting her everything she needed one way or another and doing the right thing by being breastmilk exclusive and I’ve basically been starving her.”

“So what do we do about it? ”

“Supplement with formula. She said I could try a breastmilk co-op. Get another mother’s milk and I love that it’s out there, but I’m not comfortable with it.”

“OK.” I slapped my hands together. “So supplement means you still breast feed or pump and we give her a little formula.”

“Right.”

“You have formula?” I asked because I was ready to head to the store.

Harlowe nodded. “I got some on the way home. I also pumped because I thought I was going to burst but she was sleeping. I guess I’ll continue that way and move her to the bottle full time. That way nipple confusion isn’t something we have to worry about.”

“Then let’s do that. You give me her, I’ll get her breastmilk bottle and have a formula one on standby. While you should go take a nap. You look exhausted.”

“Thanks,” she replied dryly.

“No.” I held up my hand to stop her. “You know I don’t mean that as a slight. I mean, you were up a shit ton last night. I’m here now with nowhere to go. So take advantage.”

She let out a long sigh. “I think I will.”

After giving me Kelsie, she slowly headed up the stairs while I went to the kitchen. There was already a bottle of breastmilk in the warmer. Since that was done, I grabbed one of the little premade formula bottles that you just put the nipple on and headed to the living room, where I settled with her onto the couch.

Kelsie latched on to the bottle right away like a hungry, little animal. There wasn’t even an ounce in this bottle and my heart sank for Harlowe. I knew how much she wanted to breastfeed, but it looked like she wasn’t making enough to keep the little princess happy, even though at only one week old, she wouldn’t be eating much.

My phone vibrated beside me since I’d put it on silent before class and never taken it off. My brother Brooks’s face appeared on the screen.

“Hello,” I answered softly so as not to startle the baby.

“You must have the baby,” he said with a smile in his voice.

“I do. Just feeding her. Harlowe was exhausted. Kelsie was up a lot last night, like every hour.”

“Damn.” He blew out his breath. “She called to tell me about the doctor’s visit. I probably should’ve warned you that Kelsie gets up a lot. Wants to eat constantly. I guess now we know why.” He blew out his breath again. “Is Harlowe upset?”

“I think she’s disappointed, but I’m feeding Kelsie now and have a bottle of formula for once she finishes the breastmilk.”

“I just put in an order to have some more delivered.”

At least he was doing what he could from Minnesota. I’d heard stories of players whose wives or girlfriends were on their own when the guys were on the road.

“Harlowe’s sleeping?” he asked .

“Well, she just went up there, so I don’t know, but I hope she fell right to sleep. I know she said she’s all healed up, but it’s only been a week.”

“I know. I’ve told her the same thing.” He let out a soft sigh. “She’s so determined to be Miss Independent all the time.”

“Bro. I know. I’ve known her a really long time. I know what she’s like, which is why I’m here. I can bully her to sleep a bit more than you’d get away with.”

He chuckled. “That’s true. If I talked to her half the way you two talk to each other, she’d cut off my balls.”

I cringed as I held the baby. She finished the breastmilk quickly, so I grabbed the formula bottle and got her eating again. “Gross.”

My brother laughed even louder. “Listen. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you being there. I wish we had a longer stretch of home games right now.”

“I know, but I think I counted eleven days home after this, right? Harlowe will find her groove and so will little Miss Kelsie. Maybe getting more food will help her sleep.”

“I hope so, but the delivery should be there in, like, two hours. I told them not to ring the bell. That way if Harlowe is sleeping, it won’t wake her up.”

“I’ll be here and get it taken care of.”

“Thanks, Camden. I have to get to batting practice.”

“Have a good game.” Then I ended the call.

My brothers were overall decent people. Sure, they’d had their manwhore days, but now they were all settled. Hell, Brooks was going to be getting married, though Harlowe and I hadn’t talked about anything wedding-related. Considering she’d gotten engaged just after having a baby, now wasn’t the time and it’d have to happen in the offseason, anyway. Even if it wasn’t this off season.

Soon after finishing the bottle, Kelsie let out a burp and fell fast asleep. I put her in the bassinet in the living room so I wouldn’t even have to go upstairs. Plus, if she woke up, I could get to her before Harlowe heard her.

But as I sat there, one thing kept going through my mind.

Why had Jenner kissed me like that in the kitchen? When I used to fantasize about our first kiss, it hadn’t been like that. Though the kiss had been better than I could’ve imagined, the location left something to be desired. It was like I couldn’t fully enjoy it because of how close my brothers had been.

So I decided to text him.

Why did you kiss me in my brother’s kitchen?

But my finger hovered over the send button and in the end, I couldn’t send it. If he tried it again or we were in a situation where I could ask, I would. But not over text.

I decided I’d rather see his face when he answered.