Page 11

CHAPTER 11

CAMDEN

T he audacity of Jenner to slide into my booth at Cleats & Kegs. Not to mention he’d acted like it had been no big deal and nothing had happened between the two of us before he’d left on his road trip.

That kiss had been… something else. Unlike anything I’d ever had before. It was almost like he’d been desperate to kiss me. As if he couldn’t go another second, which would make sense since he did it with my brothers in a room on the other side of the wall where we’d been standing.

The way his mouth had felt against mine… the way he’d held on to me so tightly, pulling me against him to the point that his excitement dug into my stomach. That hadn’t been a pity kiss by any means and if he’d gotten hard, that meant he’d liked it too. When his tongue had swept against mine, my knees had almost buckled, making me extremely thankful that he’d been holding me so tightly.

Jenner had kissed me in the kitchen because he’d wanted to.

Yet he’d been so dismissive of me when I’d told him that I’d loved him five years ago. Now… he was kissing me. Or well, he’d kissed me once. Probably wouldn’t do it again.

That interaction made going to the game today even less appealing, so I sent Harlowe a text asking her if she was going to be watching the game. Given that Kelsie was not even two weeks old yet, I couldn’t imagine Harlowe taking her to the game.

All because Jenner had kissed me. Maybe I was letting him have too much effect on me. Maybe my walls weren’t as well constructed as I’d thought because he could still clearly get to me.

I mean, I supposed Harlowe could take the baby, but knowing my best friend the way I did, it was safe to say they were watching at home.

Not going to the game. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. Watching at home. You coming?

Yes. Yes, I would be.

After finishing my lunch, I went home to change into more comfortable clothes. If I was hanging out at Harlowe’s, I didn’t need cute jeans or dressing for warmth. It was only mid-April and in Michigan, that meant the weather could go either way. Plus, I spent some time taking care of things in my room that I had been procrastinating on. I didn’t need to be to Harlowe’s for the game for a few hours, so I got my entire closet cleaned out.

Then I sent a message to our girl’s only group chat to let them know I was going to watch the game with Harlowe tonight but I’d come to the next one. Whether I would or not, I hadn’t decided.

As I’d finished up, my eyes were drawn to a picture of my brothers and me. But it wasn’t just us. As had been usual back then, Jenner had been there, too. It had been after a game. They were sweaty and dirty and I was in the middle. Surrounded by people who loved me, I’d thought. Now I thought of it as being around people who mostly loved me.

Once I was in a long-sleeved T-shirt and a pair of joggers, I slipped into my sneakers and headed out. No one else had been home. Mom would still be working and Dad would be doing whatever the hell he did with his time.

My guess was going to T-ball games to find some kids who weren’t living up to their potential and scaring the hell out of them by telling them they’d never amount to anything.

Maybe that was just with my brothers.

On my way to Harlowe’s, I stopped to pick up some snacks, even though I knew that I should’ve been working on my final project for graduation. But my bag was in the back seat, so I could work on it there if I wanted to. It was surreal to think about being done with school.

Then it was off to watch the game with my best friend and niece.

Except Kelsie was sleeping when I got there.

“Don’t you dare pick her up,” Harlowe said as soon as I came in the door. The house had a faint odor of baby powder. The living room used to be comfortable, but now it was cozy with baby items strewn about and a bassinet on the other side of the couch.

Snickering, I asked, “Why would you say that? I would never.”

She cocked her head to the side, narrowed her eyes, and put her hands on her hips. “Really? ”

“OK. I would, but I won’t because you say so.” I pushed my shoes off and headed to the couch, ready to unload my Halloween’s worth of candy onto the coffee table. “Did she just go down?”

Harlowe nodded. “About ten minutes ago and she was up for a good little while, so she needs it.”

“Has she been sleeping better?”

“Yes.” She let out an exhausted sigh. “I hate that we needed the formula, but she’s definitely satiated with it.”

“It happens. You’re still the best mom there is.”

She grinned over at me. “Thank you. Now, what’d you bring? Do you want a drink?”

“I’m not company. I’ll get a drink myself. You don’t need to play hostess for me and I brought you peanut butter cups.”

“Mmm.” Peanut butter cups were Harlowe’s favorite, even if we didn’t eat a lot of candy most of the time. “I thought you were going to the game tonight with Monroe, Everly, and Amity.”

“I was.” I rolled my eyes as I grabbed the remote to turn her TV to the right channel. It wasn’t quite game time yet, but there was the pre-show. I liked to hear what they were saying about my brothers and my team. Especially since Cobb was pitching today.

Right now, they were on a four-man rotation for pitching, so Cobb pitched, then didn’t for three games, then he was back on again.

“Why aren’t you now? Did one of your brothers annoy you?” She popped a mini peanut butter cup into her mouth. She preferred the minis to the full-sized one. Said it was a better chocolate-to-peanut-butter ratio.

“I wish it were one of my brothers.”

She sat up straighter. “One of the women? I find that hard to believe, though I annoy you all the time, so that could be it.”

I snickered. “No. Of course we all annoy each other sometimes. It’s all part of being family and we are all definitely family, even if none of you have married my brothers yet. Speaking of—”

“No.” She held her hand up to emphasize that I had to stop speaking. “We’re not talking about wedding stuff for a while. I agreed to marry Brooks because it didn’t make sense not to. We’re together. We have a baby… I just needed to make sure he didn’t want me because of the baby. You know that.”

“I do.”

“So it’ll happen. Probably during the off season, but I’m not ready to start planning. I’m still healing from giving you a niece.”

“I thought you were done healing.”

“Not that done.”

Now I had to laugh. After two weeks, Harlowe was feeling mostly back to herself. I could see it in the way she walked and acted. She was just a much more tired version of herself, that was all. Eventually, little Kelsie would sleep through the night and she’d be ready.

And if she thought I wasn’t going to be part of the planning, she was out of her mind. I was her maid of honor for sure, even though she hadn’t officially asked yet. I wasn’t worried. As her best friend for over a decade, the invitation didn’t need to be voiced.

I tore open a package of licorice and bit off the end. As I chewed, she asked, “So if not your brothers and it doesn’t sound like Amity, Everly, or Monroe… then who bugged you enough to get you to not go to the game?”

“Jenner,” I said darkly.

“Oh, yeah. Forgot that he probably frustrates you more than your brothers put together.”

“Put together?” I asked. “Probably not.” Deep down… probably yes.

“Why does he get under your skin so much?” She carefully unwrapped another peanut butter cup. “Outside of the whole hating baseball players in general thing.”

Now it was time to decide if I unloaded everything to her. Tell her that I’d had a thing for him for years. Scratch that. Once had a thing. That he was the reason I’d gone running off the night of my accident. No. That was all something I wanted to take to my grave, so no one but me would know that I was just another woman who got shafted by a ballplayer.

Harlowe sighed as the game started. “Look, I know something happened between the two of you in the kitchen before they left on their road trip.”

My stomach turned. “Nothing happened. What do you mean?”

“He said or did something to you because I could plainly see you were pissed off. ”

“Well that’s true.” I finally turned to her. “He’s always annoying me.”

Harlowe chewed her candy slowly before saying, “Maybe you should give him a break.” A fire sparked in my chest, angry and building. “After all, he was there the night you got hurt. He took care of you and called for help.”

The memory of Jenner’s desperation and shaky breathing from that night wiggled into my mind. His hand pressed around my wound to try to stop it from bleeding. He’d been covered in blood when we’d been in the ambulance.

“What if he hadn’t been,” she continued. “Camden? Who would’ve found you before…” She let her voice trail off. Yeah. I probably would’ve bled to death and that would’ve sucked for all of us, but she didn’t know he was the one who’d sent me there. “No one knows why he was in the woods that night. He never said.”

“Don’t look at me.” I pretended to focus on the game. “I know nothing about why he was there. I’m glad he was because he saved me, but he also left me with a—” I sighed. “I am thankful he was there,” I finished instead after almost telling her that Jenner had left me with a broken heart.

Her eyebrows slammed down, but she didn’t ask about the part that I didn’t say. “We also don’t know why you were out there because all you ever said was that you were taking a walk, which you never did in the woods alone at night. ”

Yeah. That was true. And it’d happened five years ago, yet no one had pushed for answers. It had been to give me time and let me heal and I was thankful that they hadn’t.

“I get it,” I finally told her. “I know he’s the reason I’m still alive. That I would’ve bled to death in the woods alone otherwise.”

“So cut him some slack. Finding you like that must’ve been horrible.” She shook her head as the memories of that night probably flooded her too. She’d been out of her mind with worry and never left my bedside until she’d been forced to. “I would’ve lost it if it had been me. Probably wouldn’t even know what to do, but even Jenner was there caring about you. You are his best friend’s little sister. It’d have to shake a person to see you lying there like that.” She shivered. “I only heard about it and saw you at the hospital and it freaks me out.”

I swallowed hard but didn’t look over at her. She let me sit with what she’d said and in the end, I knew she wasn’t wrong. I had to let go of some of this anger that I had toward him because while he might’ve been the reason I’d been there that night, he was also the reason I’d lived through it.

But I’d still hold the things he’d said since then against him. And I wasn’t sure I could forgive the way he’d acted like being with me would be the most disgusting thing in the world.

He’d been at the hospital with me when I’d gotten there. He’d even hopped into the ambulance as they’d taken me. My brothers and parents hadn’t been there, so they’d met us at the hospital. Jenner hadn’t left for a long time, as far as I could remember. I’d been pretty out of it.

Though he’d come back before he’d had to report to camp. Just to make sure that I’d been all right.

So I probably should stop busting his balls so much and let some of the resentment go. There was a tiny flicker of relief somewhere deep inside me at the idea of not having to put on a show whenever he was around. Not having to make sure everyone—including him—was always aware that I hated him.

Maybe things weren’t so black and white for him as they had been with me.

That was an unsettling realization. But a worry grew inside me that if I let go of the anger, it would open me up to being vulnerable, which I absolutely couldn’t be with him. And I just didn’t think I could get over the rest of it. Being seventeen and confessing my feelings had been hard and though I’d been young, it didn’t mean that my feelings hadn’t been real. After all, I’d been able to take love and turn it into hate because they were similar emotions.

He’d laughed me off.

That was harder to let go of.

But what if I had an actual conversation with the man? Maybe get some insight that I didn’t have. Everyone said I was stubborn and I was. Since I thought I knew exactly what had happened that night and why, what if I was wrong? What if there was more that I didn’t know ?

No. I wasn’t going to do that. I wouldn’t give him the opportunity to tell me—again—how he’d rather chop his own dick off than be with me. No. He hadn’t said that , but I’d heard it in the subtext.

“OK,” Harlowe said with a lighter tone. “What about school? You’re almost done. What do you have left to do?”

I groaned. “I should be working on my final project tonight.”

“So why aren’t you?”

“I’m here. I brought my bag. I can work while we hang out and watch the game. I’ve just been… distracted.”

“Pft. To hell with distraction, friend. You need to finish strong. You’ve worked too hard to fuck it up now.”

I rolled my eyes. “Why do you sound like my brother right now?”

Harlowe shrugged. “Maybe I’ve lived with him too long already. Or maybe because his DNA has been inside me. I don’t know.”

I cringed at the picture she’d just painted. “That’s gross.”

But she just snickered. Once she’d quieted, she watched me and bit her lips together. “I have to ask, Camden. Are you sure it’s just annoyance with Jenner? Could it be something else?”

“What else could it be?” I asked, trying to avoid the question without lying, but my heart raced and my palms were suddenly sweaty. Unconsciously, I started twisting a piece of my hair around my finger and had to drop it. Harlowe knew me too well and would immediately track that as me being embarrassed—which didn’t happen often—or me lying. I prided myself on no one knowing that I’d ever had any feelings for Jenner Greene.

“OK. What’s your project about?” she asked, changing the subject, but my mind was still on our conversation and Jenner.

“Oh, we’ve each been given a different scenario where a client needs some crisis PR.”

“‘Crisis PR’?”

I nodded. “Public relations to help spin things in a crisis. Like if a famous actor got caught cheating with a dozen women who worked for him. He’d want crisis PR to come in and help him look like less of a douchebag.”

She grunted in disgust. “Is that your scenario?”

I shook my head. “No way. I’d never work for someone like that and I’m not specializing in crisis PR. I just need to know it because any client could need it. Even if they’re accused of something they didn’t do or if an employee did something unsavory and they need to shed a good light on the company that had nothing to do with it. That kind of thing.”

“That actually sounds really interesting.”

“Yeah, I could see myself being in crisis PR. You never know and besides, if I’m going to work for my mom, who knows what the baseball players will do to make this part necessary.”

“That’s true.” Then she snorted. “It better not be Brooks, though. If it is, his public image would be the least of his worries.” I snickered at that myself. Harlowe wouldn’t be a doormat and Brooks knew that. He wouldn’t do anything to risk his family.

If I didn’t want to embarrass myself, no one could ever know. I hated him for making me feel like a stupid kid back then when my feelings were real, but at the same time, I could still feel his strong, trembling hands on my wound that night, like his skin had burned a reminder into me that I’d never be able to forget. His voice had been hoarse with fear. Why couldn’t I forget all of that?

Just because he’d helped save my life once doesn’t mean he now got my heart. Any part of it. Not even a tiny sliver of the parts my brothers had.

But maybe letting go of this anger wouldn’t kill me. It’d just be losing a big part of my current personality and I’d never be able to forget how he’d dismissed me that night.