Page 29

CHAPTER 28

JENNER

A n hour later, I was sitting on a bench where Camden had told me to meet her with my hands on my cheeks and my elbows on my knees waiting for her.

She didn’t want to meet at my house because she said it’d give me homefield advantage and in my line of work, I could appreciate what that meant. Not to mention I didn’t think being alone not in public would be any less tempting for her than it would be for me.

I wasn’t an animal who would attack her every time I saw her, but fuck, I’d wanted her for so long that the fact that she was mine to have pushed me to take her every single time. It wasn’t me being an asshole, either. It was the same for her.

Like finally being able to find the release we’d both been chasing for years wasn’t something we could ignore.

Now I just had to make her believe that I’d take her feelings more seriously.

Stupid. I’d been so stupid. Careless. Her feelings should’ve been at the forefront of my mind every single day and they were for the most part. But not when it was most important to her, clearly.

A hand touched my shoulder as she said, “Hey.”

My head snapped up to see her. Fuck. She was beautiful. It didn’t matter that she was wearing skinny jeans and a T-shirt since the weather was getting nicer or that she had her hair up in a bun with barely any makeup, like she was headed to a baseball game.

“Hi.” I was about to stand, but she sat beside me before I could move. “Can I talk first?” I asked her.

She swallowed nervously but nodded.

“I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. I don’t expect you to forgive me for it or dismissing you. I’d just like a chance for you to explain it to me so that I can understand very clearly what I was doing. I mean… I know what I did, but I want to know what the boundaries are because I’ll follow whatever you set up. I don’t want to lose you.”

Camden let out a heavy breath before giving me an assuring grin. “I don’t want to lose you, either, but I can’t just be quiet when—”

“I don’t expect you to. Don’t want you to.” I gripped the back of my neck and rubbed. “I really thought just telling you things would be fine was enough. Clearly, it wasn’t, so tell me.”

She was quiet for a moment, like she was organizing her thoughts or trying to figure out exactly what she wanted to say. “When I told you that I loved you five years ago and you brushed me off, it made me feel… less than, ya know.” I closed my eyes, pissed at myself for doing such a good job pushing her away. “So now… it’s kind of a sticking point for me. I’ve had guys tell me that I’m too clingy because I texted too much, or too big of a personality around their friends, especially if baseball was involved. Too much gets rolled together to equal not enough .” She cleared emotion from her throat. “What I heard back then was that I wasn’t enough.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

That was the last thing I’d wanted her to think or feel. It was so far from the truth.

“Baby.” I slid closer to her and wrapped one hand around the back of her neck. “That wasn’t the case at all. I’m so fucking sorry I made you feel that way. Then or now. I promise you it was that you were too young then. Technically, it would’ve been illegal and I had some growing up to do before I was worthy of you. Fuck. I still might not be.”

She snorted then met my eyes. “You are. I just—”

“Did I make you feel like that the other night?”

After a big breath, she said, “Not exactly, but it was kind of the start of it, if that makes sense, and I wasn’t about to let it get any further.”

“Good.”

“I mean, standing up for what I need is the right thing, but not being able to tolerate those things could cost me you.”

“It won’t,” I told her right away. “There will never be another time that I don’t take your feelings seriously or where I dismiss you and roll over and go to sleep without talking things out.”

She rolled her eyes to where I only saw the whites for a second. “That’s not true. Sometimes, we’ll have to put talks off and that’s OK. It’s life. I just need to know that the time will come where we’ll talk about it.”

“It will. Every single time.” I sighed. “If any man thought you were too much or not enough, they’re wrong. Those men weren’t men because men give their women what they need. I couldn’t have done it five years ago, but I can now.”

“It was hard for me to risk my heart with you.”

“I know,” I said quietly. “And that’s my fault.” Now it was time for me to clear my throat and sit back so that we could see each other.

“I spent years watching you go through women in high school. In college. Then you got drafted or even when you were actually in college, you slept around less often, but even so, I was lucky enough to be able to stop actually seeing it.”

“I know. I can’t exactly be sorry for that because I worked out what I needed to so that I could be the man you deserve.”

“Right. I’m not asking you to regret it. It’s just an explanation.”

“I know.”

There was a pregnant pause between us, then Camden snickered a little, lifting the vibe in the air enough that I folded my hand into hers and ran my fingers up and then back down between hers.

“Harlowe likes that you’re cocky.”

I furrowed my brows. “What?”

“We watched the after-game interview. You mentioned your girlfriend, even though we were having this problem and hadn’t defined things in those terms. She said it was cocky and she likes that. Said only a man who is sure he can fix something would say that when fighting with his girlfriend. ”

“I am sure,” I promised. “I’ll have to thank Harlowe for that, too. Because I don’t think I’d stand a chance in hell with you if she hated me.”

She snorted again. “We each dated someone the other didn’t like.”

“Right.” I slid my arm on the back of the bench as an older couple walked by us. “And where are they now?”

Camden’s head fell back as she laughed and then she leaned against me. That was the moment I knew the fight was over. A lot of women might’ve run from this, but not her. Camden had determination. Now, I had no doubt she’d toss my ass if I didn’t come around, but I’d do anything to not lose her.

“Professional athletes cheat,” she said, though Camden wasn’t exactly the jealous type. I’d heard her say once that jealousy had no place because if a man was going to cheat, her worrying about it wouldn’t stop it.

“You know I fucking don’t. I’d never make anyone feel the way that I did.”

She swallowed hard again and avoided my eyes the way she did when she was nervous, but she found her courage and her gaze met mine. “I was scared to admit to myself how much you mean to me because I thought it’d make me vulnerable.”

“I was terrified to admit to anyone how much you meant to me. Myself included,” I told her. “That’s why I tried to forget it, which didn’t work at all. You had my whole fucking heart for a long time and then you got hurt. Seeing you on the ground…” I closed my eyes to chase away the memory. “When you passed out that night, I thought I was going to have a heart attack from fear that you weren’t going to wake up. That’s why I never let you know. Even once you were old enough.”

“It’s scary to allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone,” she whispered.

“It was intense. That night, too much. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I’ve got fears, too, Camden, and losing you is my biggest.”

Finally, she reached up and cupped my cheek. “You won’t lose me unless you don’t handle me with care.”

“So much care, baby. So much.”

Using the hand cupping my cheek, Camden pulled me to her for a kiss. My mouth met hers and I was suddenly a drowning man on a sinking ship and she was the oxygen that would get me through. I couldn’t get close enough. Deep enough. I pulled her to my body and that wasn’t enough.

It’d never be enough and I’d always want more.

This was about to get not appropriate for public, so Camden brought the kiss to an end. We were both slightly breathless, but I had to have one more—quick and tame—before I could pull back.

Once she’d blown out a slow breath, she said, “There are a couple of things I need from you moving forward.”

“Literally anything.”

“I need you to listen. Even if you think I’m being dramatic or irrational. I need you to hear me.”

“Every single word.” I pressed my lips to hers again .

“I need you to not dismiss me when I’m concerned about something.”

“Never,” I agreed, kissing her gently again.

She nodded slowly. “And I know it doesn’t need to be said, but if you cheated on me, I’d have to kill you.” She bit her lips together, like she was trying not to laugh.

“Baby, I’d kill me for you.”

Her beautiful smile grew bigger. “I know. I just have to be able to trust you fully or this doesn’t work and I’ve never worried that you’d cheat on me or anyone else, for the record.”

“Good. Because I’m too far gone for you for anyone else, anyway.” Now it was my turn to be real with her. “You say I went from woman to woman and you’re not wrong, exactly, but all I was doing was avoiding anything resembling emotional intimacy because I couldn’t have you. And no one else was remotely interesting to me for more than a night or two. I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with anyone else.”

With a hand on each side of my face, she kissed me quickly again.

“All right. I’m willing to let you convince me.” She snickered. What she was saying was that our fight was over. I would spend the entire rest of my life making sure she knew how precious she was to me.