Page 13

CHAPTER 13

CAMDEN

S ometimes I hated the weekend. Most people in college used it to party and that was fine. It just wasn’t me. That meant it was Saturday afternoon and I was in my closet again, this time weeding through my clothes. Last time, I’d organized, and now I was deciding what clothes to keep and what to give away. I’d offer the donations to Harlowe first, though we weren’t always the same size. Plus, with her just having a baby, it might not be the right time, though I thought her body barely reflected what she’d just gone through.

The funny thing was that I didn’t even buy things for the sake of buying them yet somehow, I’d ended up with too much.

Oh, shoot. Harlowe might not want the clothes I didn’t want anymore. She had Brooks to buy her whatever she wanted and while she didn’t abuse that, he wanted her to. Except for the sweater of mine that I happened to know she loved. She’d borrowed it once and hadn’t given it back for two months. I’d told her to keep it then, but she wouldn’t.

All of this was just to get my mind off Jenner.

Gone were the easier days of me just being able to hate him for what had happened. The time before all of this realization had set in. I’d heard that sometimes it took years to process things that happened in your life.

That couldn’t be truer for me, apparently .

All these years I hadn’t realized how desperate he’d sounded that night. How scared.

Now that I did, I couldn’t stop thinking that maybe I’d had things wrong when it came to my accident. Not what he’d said before it, but when he’d found me injured.

I went outside to get away from my parents. One look at my face and they’d know something was wrong. Since I didn’t want to talk about it, I went outside to be alone, forgetting that Silas and Urban were home for the week. It was Fourth of July week and their summer league didn’t have any games. Brooks was already playing professionally, so he wasn’t home.

Cobb was there too, but he had just graduated high school and was playing on a summer league that Coach Kincaid was running the same way that all of my brothers had.

Great. More people, which was the last thing I wanted about now.

People were in the pool, splashing and laughing. Totally not the vibe I was going for.

My heart was broken. I wanted to sulk.

No. Wait. My heart wasn’t exactly broken, but maybe I was a little humiliated.

I’d been dating Theo for five months and for him to have humiliated me the way he had… My body burned at the thought of facing people at school. At least he’d done it over the summer.

Right now, my main problem was that there were people everywhere I wanted to be. Finally, I slipped through the shadows to find a spot in the corner of the patio where no one was. I could still hear them, but no one was paying attention to me.

So I thought.

Then Jenner dropped into the seat next to me.

“You look pissed.” He took a drink of the water he had been carrying.

“I am.”

“Are you going to tell me why?” He rested his foot on the edge of the chair across from his. His legs were long and strong, but I could barely see them with only a halo of light reaching us.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s something.”

As Jenner was my brother’s best friend, I could talk to him. I could tell him anything, but with the caveat that it would go back to Silas if he felt it needed to.

“Theo ghosted me.”

“What?” he snapped. “Why would he do that?”

I shrugged but didn’t know if he’d even see it.

“That kid is an idiot who doesn’t deserve you, Camden.”

I wiped away the tears that I hadn’t wanted to fall in the first place. I wasn’t heartbroken, damn it. “I know, but he basically ghosted me. When I went to find out why, he was with Isabelle Stanley getting a blow job in front of everyone.”

Jenner grunted. “What a fucking idiot.”

“No kidding.”

“Hey.” He bumped my shoulder with his. “He doesn’t deserve your tears,” he said softly .

When I looked up at him, half his face was hidden by darkness, but the other half was illuminated by the moon. The backyard light over here wasn’t on. “These aren’t for him. I’m angry. Sometimes I cry when I’m angry.”

“That’s good to hear.” He looked back out over the party. “You’re sixteen. You have a million other chances to fall in love. I’d hate to see you waste any tears on that loser.”

Then he got up and rejoined the party.

My tears dried and my chest felt lighter. Like having someone tell me what I already knew about my ex-boyfriend made it easier to take… Made me feel slightly less humiliated.

I was still angry, but it wasn’t the end of the world.

That might’ve been the moment my feelings for Jenner had sprung up. He’d been kind and gentle with me. He’d left his summer pool party to make sure I’d been all right when no one else had noticed that I hadn’t been.

I’d been a virgin then. There was no way I would’ve slept with Theo, but a few days later, I touched myself for the first time, thinking of Jenner.

I wasn’t proud of it, but I couldn’t deny it and he could never know.

Then the feelings hadn’t gone away and only had grown stronger. That was why I’d decided to risk humiliation again by confessing my feelings. He’d been about to go to Texas to play baseball. It had probably been my only chance .

It was his laugh that had sent me running. That laugh had haunted me for years and probably still did. It had echoed in my mind for four days while I’d lain in that hospital bed. Then for another seven, it had been like a rattle in my brain that I couldn’t shake.

We were all vulnerable. No one knew that more than me. Anything could happen at any moment. Jenner could get traded—though I didn’t think my mom would do that unless he gave her good reason to—or worse. He’d be gone.

I wasn’t sure I could live with that, either.

I growled into the air and tossed the clothes I was carrying onto the floor. Fuck this. I wanted to go to my best friend’s house.

It was past time that I come clean with her about everything.

First, I had to get dressed because I’d been in lounging around the house clothes that I absolutely could go to her house in, but what if we decided to go somewhere else? No. I’d want to at least be presentable. Eventually, she was going to take Kelsie to a baseball game and I’d go with her and today could be that day. It was better to be prepared.

Once I’d finished doing my hair and putting on the lightest of makeup, I drove over there.

It was lonely living at home sometimes. My mom and dad had their own schedules, which they should. Their kids were all grown. But they weren’t around much. My dad was more than my mom, but I couldn’t talk to him .

When I got to Harlowe’s front door, I glanced at my phone to check the time to make sure Brooks had left for the park already. It was midafternoon, which meant he’d be long gone since the game was at 6:20.

“Hey,” she answered. Her eyes widened as she wet her lips quickly. “Was I expecting you?”

I slid into the house when she opened the door wider. “No. But I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“I don’t mind. I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t forgotten something. You know that happens with a newborn.”

“I know. No. No plans. Is she asleep?”

Harlowe nodded. “Just went down. You should’ve been here thirty minutes ago. She was wide awake.” Harlowe was wearing jeans and a Knights T-shirt. She didn’t look like she’d just had a baby.

“You look great,” I told her since we’d had long discussions of how she’d worried what the pregnancy and delivery would do to her body.

“That’s because you can’t see the stretchmarks.”

I snorted because she’d shown them to me when Kelsie had still been on the inside. “You earned those, Mama.”

“I know.” She smiled softly. “So, what’s up?”

“Nothing. Just needed some best friend time.”

“I’m surprised you don’t get tired of me.” She dropped onto one end of the couch and I did the same on the other end.

“No, you’re not. I could never get tired of you.”

Harlowe gave me a side eye, like she knew there was something I wasn’t saying. “So, just best friend time? ”

“Yeah. You know you never told me what Brooks was like in the delivery room. Of all my brothers, I assume he’d be the most together.”

She smiled and looked off dreamily. “He was. He was so on top of everything. Remembered everything they said to us. Knew exactly how dilated I was at all times. Got me anything I needed.” She snickered. “He did laugh when I accidentally farted on the nurse as she was checking me.”

Laughter ripped through me. “Oh, my god. No one really prepares you for the little things that happen during labor, do they?”

“No,” she said through her own laughter. “The nurse said it was a good thing. Meant the baby’s head was getting to where it needed to be, but yeah. It’s a little funny. She was great.”

“He didn’t even get woozy when the gory stuff happened?”

She shook her head. “He watched her come out, which I wasn’t so sure about because hello . How was he going to go back to wanting my vagina for anything after seeing that, but he says it made him love me even more to see what I was willing to do for our family.”

I bit my lips together quickly then said, “That’s so sweet, I might be sick.” We both laughed again. This was the easy conversation that I’d wanted when I’d decided to come here.

“Which one of your brothers do you think would pass out?” she asked.

At the same time, we both said, “Urban.”

“Right?” she asked .

“Oh, yeah. That’s easy money betting on him. It’s not even blood or anything like that. He’d just be so worked up… Poor Everly is going to need a second support person. I think he’ll take care of her, but it’s watching her in pain that’s going to throw him over the edge. If they have kids, I hope she gets an epidural or he’ll need to be hospitalized, too.”

“What about the others?”

Now that, I had to think about for a moment. How would Cobb and Silas be when their women were delivering babies? “Well,” I started, “I think Silas would be all right. Actually, bloody stuff doesn’t bother my brothers at all. But Urban would have a hard time watching the woman he loves in pain. Cobb would be freaked out the whole time but acting like he wasn’t. Silas… he might be a terror. Demanding they do something for Amity.” I glanced over at her. “He’s loved her for a long time.”

“I know,” she said softly as that conversation came to an end. “So, are you going to tell me why you really came over now?”

I slowly closed my eyes. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping she wouldn’t realize I’d come here for another reason, but it was Harlowe. She knew me almost better than I knew myself.

“You can’t say a word to Brooks,” I told her. Harlowe knowing was one thing. My brothers… that was another.

She held a hand to stop me, though I hadn’t been about to say anything else. “You don’t have to keep saying that. I’m not telling your brother shit. He knows our friendship is off-limits. If you confide in me, you’re confiding in me, not him and me.”

“OK. I just had to be sure.” I blew out a breath. “It’s about Jenner.”

Harlowe grinned. “I was hoping that was the case.”

I furrowed my brows and shook my head. “This probably isn’t what you’re thinking, but… remember my accident?”

Her face darkened. “Of course I do. We all do. That was scary. You were so pale in the hospital and then the surgeries and staying for IV antibiotics…”

“Right. All of that, but Jenner was the reason I got hurt.”

Anger flashed across her face. “What? What did he do? And why haven’t you had your brothers kill him? You guys have a ton of money. I bet they could hire someone to get rid of the body.”

Shaking my head again, I realized that I should’ve started this differently. “No. I don’t want you to think that he pushed me or something. I mean, he didn’t directly hurt me like that, but…” I sighed. “Let me just tell you what happened.”

“OK.” She turned to face me more fully. “Go.”

“That night, I went to him at the pool party because I wanted to…” My cheeks burned at the idea of saying this out loud. “I wanted to tell him that I had feelings for him.”

Harlowe’s eyes widened, almost bulging to the point where it looked painful. “You did?”

“I did. He… wasn’t receptive. ”

That was when I told her everything I remembered about what he’d said at the time. It was like giving her a play by play since she hadn’t been there to witness it.

“So he is the reason you hate baseball players.” It wasn’t a question.

“I mean, he’s a big part of it.”

“What a little fucker.” She growled. “If he didn’t reciprocate, fine. But he didn’t have to be an asshole about it. But wait.” She sat up straighter. “How did that lead to you getting hurt? Physically?”

I took a deep breath. “I felt humiliated, so I had to get out of there. I went off toward the woods and was running. Tripped and fell. That was when I got stabbed. If he hadn’t been a jerk to me, I wouldn’t have gone running. He must’ve followed because there’s no way he heard me scream from the party. I thought I was going to die out there because no one knew I’d gone into the woods.” I had to wipe away a tear at the memory of the amount of fear I had.

“I bet.” She put her hand on mine and rubbed it comfortingly.

“I knew something happened between the two of you. But the question is: What about now? Can you forgive him for that so you won’t hate being in the same room?”

Then I sighed deeply. If I was telling her everything, then I was telling her everything. “That’s the thing. I realize now that it was my own fault for running off like a damn kid.”

“Uh, you were a kid. Be nice to my best friend. ”

“Yeah. But I shouldn’t have run off like that. Why not just go up to my room where I could lock everyone out, ya know?”

Harlowe’s face softened as she reached across to squeeze my hand. “Well, we don’t always make the best decisions. Remember? That’s how I ended up with a baby I wouldn’t trade for the world.”

I snorted. Yeah. Maybe having what was supposed to have been a one-time thing with my brother hadn’t been her finest moment, but it was working out and I wouldn’t change it, either.

“Well, you know the day they left for their first road trip this season?”

“Yes. You and Jenner were in the kitchen and I know something happened between the two of you because of the look on your face when I came back in. What was it? What’d he say?”

“It wasn’t what he said . I mean, he said a bunch of things. Doesn’t want me to hate being in the same room with him the same way you said, but it was…” I swallowed hard, ready to just blurt it out. “He kissed me.”

“ What ?” she yelled, then she swung her head to the basinet, where the baby was. When Kelsie didn’t make a noise, she sat back. “He kissed you? So, like… he wants to be with you?”

“I don’t know about any of that.” I brushed her off. “But yes. He kissed me. Then their first game back, he saw me at Cleats and asked me about school. Like, what the hell, bro? You kissed me then disappeared. ”

“He didn’t disappear,” she countered. “They had to go on their road trip. But did you talk about the kiss and what the hell it meant?”

“Not really.” I sighed again. This was like a weight being lifted from me. One I hadn’t realized had been there until it disappeared. There was something about someone else knowing that made it a little better.

“Do you think you should?”

“I mean as a mature adult? Yeah. We definitely should because he can’t go around kissing me like that. My brothers were on the other side of the wall. Can you imagine what would’ve happened if they’d seen or heard anything?”

“Yes,” she answered immediately. “And I’d want to be there to see it, honestly. So if it happens, make sure I’m there.”

I snorted but had to keep going. “But, Harlowe, why the hell would he kiss me?”

“Because he likes you.” She said it as if it was a simple, obvious answer. “Probably has for a long time and couldn’t stand not touching you anymore.” Now her voice took on a dreamy quality that made me want to scream.

“No. He made it clear that the mere thought of being with me was so odious, he couldn’t stomach it.”

“Did he?” she asked. “Based on what you told me, he didn’t. He was definitely trying to push you away, but did you ever ask yourself why, beyond the fact that he thought you were disgusting? Which you’ve clearly never been. ”

“No,” I told her, sounding as stubborn as I’d been at five.

“You need to talk to the man.”

I sighed. Yeah. I did. But even after five years, the pain and humiliation were still so raw. No matter how silly that sounded, I couldn’t help how much time it took me to heal. The physical injuries were easy compared to this.

How could I trust what he said now if it contradicted what he’d said then? Which was the truth? Or could he have thought I’d been gross then but somehow didn’t think so now?

I didn’t know and the only way to find out would be to talk to Jenner.

I just didn’t think I was ready for that yet.