Page 93 of Perfect Order

— Beautiful Today

“There’s been nothing,” I spit out.

“Sometimes operations take time.”

Frustrated, I pace back and forth. “I can’t live her life forever, damnit.”

“I know. And to be honest, there are things that need your attention here.”

“Then end it. Announce there was a mistake.”

“Not yet.”

“Why?” I cry out.

“Call it a gut feeling.”

“You and your feelings.”

“They’ve saved my ass more than once,Q?za,” he retorts hotly.

True. Too true. I recall some of the missions this man went on first as a SEAL, then as an operative himself before he stepped into his current administrative role. “When, then?”

“By the anniversary of your death. If we don’t hear anything, we’ll come forward. I’ll start working on a strategy to extract you from this mess.”

With that, he disconnects without giving me the chance to ask more. Like, does extracting me include leaving me the opportunity to continue to be with Kane because that’s nonnegotiable.

He’s a part of my life.

Always.

Forever.

AUGUST

Speculation is high on when indie goddess Erzulie is going to drop her next album. Some wonder if she’s writing a tribute to her late sister. Now that her relationship with rock god Beckett Miller has been explicitly clarified, maybe the two will turn up the heat another way by putting out a duet? We can only hope.— Moore You Want

Even though months have passed with nothing, something’s coming. I can feel it. Hell, I see it in the slight movement of the traps that were set. I’ve been warned to be on the lookout because they took out Lee publicly; whoever it is isn’t going to hesitate with me.I wish I knew more, but I don’t. Be on the lookout everywhere, Q?za.

Right,I responded.

In the meanwhile, I’m living half a dream and half a lie. Maybe I always have been, just like Lee. It makes me appreciate the words my twin scribed in her journal more than ever before.

The more time I spend as her, the more I understand her frustration of who she was. Music fed her soul, but to have it at the level she did, she had to play a part. That included someone directing her life—well, as much as they could. A burst of anger at myself unleashes when I think about the handbag the police found in the suite at the Plaza the day Lee was killed. “If I’d have known the constant turmoil your soul was under, I’d have done more,” I whisper fiercely at my reflection in the window.

Kane’s arms slip around me. We’re together every night he’s not with Beckett. Some of his clothes have made their way into my closet, which both comforts and terrifies me at the same time. Leaning back into him, I feel my breath catch when our eyes meet in the reflection. Normally, I take comfort in the way he looks at me and sees me—Leanne. But this is different.

My pulse quickens, and my cheeks flush.

He’s a weakness I shouldn’t have.

I never thought I would fall in love, have someone who loved all of me—the woman and the operative. Somehow, he was created just to appreciate the real me. And even standing on a stage pretending to be my sister in hopes of luring her killer out of hiding doesn’t hold the same fear of this man turning from me.

A tidal wave of emotion crashes over me. What will I do when I have to leave if he’s not here to lean on like he swore he would be?

As he leans down to brush his lips against my shoulder, I shove the thoughts aside.Trust beyond trust.It’s what I demanded, and he swore he’d give it to me. It may be the only thing to keep me alive if things heat up any more.

Either that or I’ll have to take drastic measures to ensure they cool down.