Page 104 of Perfect Order

The broadness in his smile.

The glint in his eyes as he raked them over me head to toe like a caress.

I accepted we were meant to be just as easily as I accepted his outstretched hand. Touching my absolution.

Instead, I handed over the weakest chink in my armor—my heart.

The feeling causes a sickening rush of nausea, causing me to lurch for the bathroom. I leap from the bunk, knocking everything to the side in my process. Barely making it there, I dry heave over and over, terrified of what might happen if I get this wrong.

I love him.

Even if it means my own life, I’ll do anything to make certain he stays safe once I make up for my mistakes.

And that will take a little more time, but judging by the interest I’m generating, it’s almost time for the reckoning.

“I feel like I’m violating her privacy. This is personal stuff they’re…”

The muscled man with the trident tattoo leans over the computer terminal. “Do I look like I give a flying fuck about privacy right now? Hers or his?”

“Uh, no, sir.”

“If we don’t find her and they crack that code, more than just evidence is at stake.” The man storms into the other room and quickly dons a suit and tie, completely incongruous with his muscled appearance. When he returns to the anteroom, he barks, “Well?”

“I have a lock.”

“Good. Let’s go.”

Kane

“These Dreams” is a song by Heart from their 1985 self-titled studio album, Heart. It was released on January 18, 1986. I don’t know why that’s important to know except I woke up this morning singing it. I guess that kind of ages me, huh?

— @PRyanPOfficial

A lot ages you, Ryan. That’s the least of it.

—@CuTEandRich3

The holidays have come and gone with nothing. No message from her.

The only time I feel anything is in my dreams. I don’t want to live a life without moonlight because that’s the only place I can reach her—my dreams.

And every day I wake up, I hate myself just a bit more.

I couldn’t give a shit today’s my birthday, but at least I’m back to work protecting Beckett. When I head in to the office, there’s the routine of paperwork and investigations. But to my surprise, there’s a large cake with a single candle burning and a vase of white roses. But it’s not the gifts that make me stumble in shock; it’s the card.

Life’s too short not to celebrate your birthday, Kane, just because you shared it with someone who is gone.

After all, weren’t you the one who told me the firsts suck?

Well, let me assure you, so do the seconds, especially when you’re alone.

Have a bite of cake for me after you make a wish.

After recovering, I called down to Security to have the messenger stopped. I interrogated the poor kid for over an hour before realizing he knew nothing more than it was an internet order. There was a gleam to Sam’s eyes when Caleb told him, “Have fun and don’t get caught.” For just a moment, I had a small measure of hope this was it—my birthday, a new year. Maybe Leanne was finally coming out of hiding. But those hopes were soon dashed, though in a momentarily amusing way. Later, I’ll let the agony of her brushing up against my life get hold of me. Right now, I’m too busy enjoying the way Caleb’s hysterically laughing at Sam’s disgruntlement.

Dutifully, I say, “Thank you for my birthday flowers and cake, Sam,” as he lets loose a string of curses when he realizes it was his own card that paid for my gifts.

“I sure as hell overpaid. Christ, she dropped a thousand dollars toward my credit card bill to cover it.”