Page 102 of Perfect Order

There’s a long silence. “So, that’s the way of it.”

I laugh, but the sound is hollow. “It was. Everything was beautiful. When I was with her, I was just caught up in her. I forgot who I am, who she is. There was no one else in the world. “

“What happened, sweetheart?”

I think back to the day I snapped. “I let other people, memories, in. I fell back on training instead of instinct.”

My mother draws in a deep breath. “Gene.”

“In a nutshell. Lee…something happened. I can’t get into it. And it took me back. Right back to the moment when I held that gun. Only instead of a bullet, I used words.”

My head falls back against the headboard in my room—a place that feels more lonely ever since the hours I spent with Leanne, even though she never spent a minute here. It doesn’t matter. I’ve dreamed of her in this bed even before I first kissed her. Outside of the bed where we made love, or hell, Keene’s office, it might be where I feel closest to her. I’m just grateful that despite the fact I’ve been temporarily removed from Beckett’s detail, he’s insisted I remain here. “Fix what’s wrong and get back to riding my ass,” he insisted.

“I’ve been trying to figure out the trigger. Every day, I have a session with the trauma therapist recommended by Keene and Caleb.” As my mother tries to find the right words, I distract her by asking, “What did Brit want?”

That does the job temporarily. “Well, apparently, she received a letter. Do you remember how she just wanted closure—to know what Gene said in those last minutes?”

“Yes,” I reply caustically. Despite the number of times I wished for someone, anyone, to have overheard my conversation with Gene, it wasn’t to be.

“Someone found a recording. She’s being asked to drive to Tulsa to listen to it.”

My whole body locks. I leap from my bed and tug on some pants. My voice is raspy when I say, “Can you repeat that?”

“Kane.” Her voice is exasperated.

“Mom, hold on a moment.” I fling open the door and dash over to the neatly stacked mail. Like a beacon, it sticks out.

I tear the envelope open, but even as I’m reading the words with a sense of disbelief—an invitation to listen to a recently unearthed recording that could have a substantial impact on my retirement—the only thought coursing through my mind is how serious her blue eyes were when she said, “You never know what files will turn up suddenly, Kane.”

“Or manufactured,” I’d laughed.

“Well, that too. But sometimes, it’s for the greater good.”

A tear falls from my eye and lands smack-dab in the middle of the paper. Roughly, I manage, “I’ve got to go, Ma. I have to call the office.”

“About Gene?” she says knowingly.

“It ties into something else.” Boy, is that the understatement of the year.

“Take care, son. I love you. See you soon.”

“I love you too.” After hanging up, I immediately call Sam. Before he can get a word out, I inform him, “She’s putting her affairs in order.”

There’s silence on the other end of the line before he asks, “How do you know?”

After I tell him what the letter says and absorb his reaction, I let the letter flutter to the table. “She’s altering history. Leanne’s trying to erase the worst of the past by making lives better for other people. This way, Brit will get some closure about Gene to be able to fully move on.”

“Brit’s always known you pulled the trigger,” Sam reminds me carefully.

“True. But there was that kernel of doubt about her husband being a traitor.” We’re both quiet a moment, lost in our own memories at the awfulness of humanity.

Slowly, I recount to Sam everything Leanne did to fix the situation with Beckett and Paige. Her words haunt me.Life doesn’t work that way. I made amends for what I perceived as my error. That’s all I could do.“Lee has some faulty logic though.”

“What’s that?”

“She’s not the one with anything to fix. She wasn’t the first time either.” And with that, I hang up on him and prepare to let my emotions out.

Kane