Page 90 of Perfect Order

“But I want to hear all about this woman,” she protests.

“You’ll hopefully get to meet her.” I ignore her gasps as I search my phone for what I’m looking for.

“When?” she demands.

“I’m not sure. It might be a bit.”

“Kane,” she warns.

“Later, Ma. Love you. Bye.” I disconnect before she can interrogate me any further. “Christ, the Marines should have mothers come in to teach courses.”

Now, I’m praying I don’t drop the scalding bag before she opens the door. If she opens it, I amend glumly.

I hear the tumblers turn before she’s standing there in front of me. Her arms cross over her chest. “Can I help you?”

Judging by the way her eyes are narrowed on my face, her anger hasn’t abated much. Not that it should. I basically blamed her for something that was in no way her fault.

“That’s a good start.” That’s when I realize I’ve been vomiting my thoughts aloud. “Keep going.”

“I’m so sorry, Crash. There was no blame to place; it was an accident.”

She nods but still doesn’t move to let me pass. I try again. “I brought an apology dinner.”

Her head tilts in curiosity. “What constitutes an apology dinner?”

“Homemade lasagne. Ma swears it works every time.”

Her face softens a bit. “You made me lasagne?”

“Hell no. I want you to live, for Christ’s sake. I went to Daniela Trattoria and bought a pan of the shit. The only thing I can cook decently is an MRE. I want to apologize, not give you salmonella,” I grumble as I lift the bag to tantalize her with the incredible scents wafting from it.

Leanne bursts into laughter as she backs up. “Well, I appreciate not having to go to the hospital. I’m not a fan.”

I put the heavy bag on the counter and hold out a hand. I’m grateful when she doesn’t hesitate to lay hers in mine. “I’m sorry. I hate to see him hurting, but I had no right to take that out on you.”

With a small sigh, she moves into my arms. “I could have handled that, Kane, but it was as if you believed I’d hurt him on purpose. I wouldn’t do that.”

I breathe in the sweet scent of her hair. “I know.”

She pulls back a bit, searching my face. “Do you? Do you really? Because I spoke to Carys today. She said you picked up the letter.”

In the hype of the Grammys and the hoopla after, the words she wrote on that piece of paper slipped my mind. It’s like a body blow when I recall what she asked of me. I frame her face before leaning in and pressing my lips to her forehead. “Trust beyond trust, Leanne. You have it.”

She leans forward and rests her head against my chest. I hear her murmur, “I hope so, Kane. I truly hope so because the kind of trust I’m giving you goes beyond love. It’s the kind you’ll still have when I’ve been laid in the ground.”

Fear pinpricks along my skin hearing her talk about death as easily as she speaks of love. I just tuck her tighter and grip on to our now until it’s not enough to hear her heartbeat against my chest. I tip up her chin and brush her lips with mine. “Want to know how things with Beckett worked out? Ward found a photo.”

That’s when the woman I love gives me a smirk. “What makes you think I don’t already know that?”

Stunned, I’m immobile as Leanne pushes out of my arms before making her way into the kitchen to put the oven on warm. Sliding the lasagne in, she faces me again. “I fixed it before you left the other night. The rest was up to Beckett and his team.” At my narrow-eyed glare, she shrugs. “It’s like time travel, Kane. I can only nudge things in a certain direction. I can’t force people to make certain moves.”

“You have before!”

Her frustration boils over. “Yes, asQ?za. ButQ?zais dead. I can’t do the things I used to. Do you get that? I don’t have the same access I used to. I can’t call Carys and say, ‘I reloaded the picture to save Beckett from eternal depression because the man I’m in love with said it’s a good idea.’ Life doesn’t work that way. I made amends for what I perceived asmyerror. That’s all I could do. As it was, I took a risk to do even that!”

I was all set to engage when her last words freeze me. “What do you mean, you took a risk?”

“Nothing. Forget about it.” She turns away.