Page 34 of Painkiller (Sin Records #3)

“Goddammit.” I turn away from both of them. “I don’t know, okay. I have no idea why I fucking care. But I do. What difference does it make anyway?”

“Because I won’t have volatile boyfriends in my club.

Especially when that boyfriend is one of my fighters and doesn’t know when to stop.

Other than that, it doesn’t matter.” I can feel his shrewd gaze raking over me from head to toe.

He’s looking. Too hard. Too deep. It makes the urge to punch him grow.

No one noticed me for years. Now everyone watches like they are expecting me to detonate. Searching and assessing every damn thing I do. They have been for months, and I don’t like it.

It’s her damn fault. Just like everything else that’s wrong with me.

“Keep it out of my business, Jagger. Or next time I won’t be as forgiving.”

“Then keep her out of your damn whore house. She doesn’t belong there.” It would seem that while Poppy makes me forget about my shit and the desire for all the mind numbing vices that will eventually kill me vanish, she’s just as hazardous to my health.

“Five seconds is a record. People usually take longer to forget my warnings.”

“Go fuck yourself, Dom,” I say, walking out the door, not waiting for permission.

As the door slams behind me, I can hear him and Will arguing. Good. Maybe that means my brother’s spy won’t follow me out.

The thought is short-lived when a heavy hand lands on my shoulder, spinning me around. Lifting my hand, I shove it through my hair as I take a breath, then dig my fingers into the base of my neck. “Shouldn’t you be arguing with your brother about whether you’re part of the family business ?”

“Shouldn’t you stop being an asshole for five minutes?” he counters, looking as annoyed as I feel. “What are you doing, Jagger?”

“Trying to leave.”

“You know what I mean.” He steps back, leaving against the wall with his arms folded over his chest as he glares at me. “What are you doing with Poppy? What’s with all the caveman shit? What’s with all the fights? You’re fucking spiraling.”

The words land harder than any punch. Not because they’re true. Because they’re not. Not when I’m with her.

That awareness doesn’t explain the volatile reactions I’ve had tonight.

They make no sense, but spiraling? If anything, it’s the opposite.

Days like today would’ve sent me head first into a bender of alcohol and cocaine, with or without sex and fighting.

But I haven’t touched a thing. I feel…in control.

Not a single thing about it is healthy. Using Poppy is the last thing I want to do, but it’s what’s happening. It’s not fair to her, and more than a little toxic.

But I can’t bring myself to stop.

And that’s what he’s hinting at. He wants me to back off. He may not have said the words, but it’s there all the same. “Mind your business, Will. All of you need to mind your business and leave me the fuck alone.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea to get involved with her?”

“Unless you know something I don’t…” The edges of his lips whiten as he presses them together.

He doesn’t just know something, he knows everything.

Because my brother wouldn’t allow her around Casey otherwise.

It seems whatever he knows isn’t bad enough to worry Graham, and whatever it is, he refuses to share.

It’s okay. I don’t need his help. I’ll figure out everything I want to know without him.

And if she’s in trouble, I’ll fucking handle that too.

My eyes narrow, head tilting as something occurs to me. My lashes lower as I chuckle. “This is about Casey, isn’t it?” There’s no point in waiting for an answer. I should’ve known as soon as he appeared in Dominic’s office.

It all makes sense now. I already knew he was invested because of Casey—because it’s what Graham pays him to do.

It’s why he doesn’t want her at The 1st Circle.

I was just too stupid to realize it would extend to me.

“You told Graham I was asking about her, didn’t you?

” Of course he did. It’s his job. Why else would he be so concerned?

“Un-fucking-believable,” I mutter. “Tell my brother not to worry. I’ll make sure Casey won’t be affected by whatever it is.

Then tell him to stay the fuck out of my shit. ”

His shouts, calling for me to come back, get drowned out by the heavy metal door slamming shut.

The tension…Everything I worked out of my body in that room with Poppy returns. Muscles strain almost painfully, and a dull ache wraps around my skull. Temptation digs deep to drown it all out.

I hate the whiny, bitchy pity party going on in my mind. The voices that say what I want and need will always come second to everyone else. That I will always come second. Because it doesn’t matter what everyone else wants or thinks of me. I know this.

Yet, the thoughts swirl, and the urge to turn around, go back inside, and drown myself in liquid and powder is fucking strong.

When my car comes into view, Poppy standing beside it makes my chest tighten. For a single nanosecond, I question myself. The consequences of pursuing anything with her, physical or otherwise, flash through my mind like lightning.

I’ve never pursued a woman. At least not since the one actual girlfriend I had for all of two weeks in high school before everything went to shit.

What am I even doing when I know I don’t trust women?

Casey could lose a friend she desperately needs.

Poppy could get hurt. And I’ve already figured out that keeping this casual and emotionless won’t work for me.

I want her. All of her.

And that’s not only selfish, it’s dangerous.

But the moment of doubt disintegrates into nothing the second she’s close enough to touch. The second the cravings for substances vanish, replaced with a craving for her.

She gasps when I grab her, spin her, and pin her against my car. My mouth devours hers as I crush her against my car. Clarity consumes me as I thrust my tongue into her mouth. Epiphany? No. Revelation. Biblical.

She whimpers against my mouth as my fingers twist in her long, fiery hair. Desperate need and hungry desire roll through me like a hurricane. A heady, mind-numbing craving to dig my way beneath her skin as she’s done with mine possesses me.

It’s toxic and wrong.

I want her in the same way I want everything. For an escape.

But damn if she’s not the sweetest escape I’ve ever tasted.

I might be her demise, but maybe she can be my salvation.

And I’m selfish enough to take it .