Page 17 of Owen (Blue Team #1)

A smart man would get out of bed. No . A smart man would never have gotten into bed. A smart man would’ve quietly backed his ass back into the bathroom and given the woman masturbating on the bed privacy.

But, no, not me. I came back into the bedroom after escaping into the bathroom to do the very same thing Nat had done. The only difference was, she hadn’t caught me jerking off. I’d been smart enough to go into the bathroom and lock the door.

Then why had I been so pissed when I saw her taking care of herself? What the hell did I care if she was goddamn masturbating? It was perfectly normal, healthy even for a woman to… Christ, I had to stop thinking about Nat and what she’d been doing.

The evidence of orgasm number two was still on Nat’s belly and my cock was already getting hard. Something that hadn’t happened to me in years.

But I had more to worry about than my thickening cock.

Until the day I die I will remember every moment I spent with you.

What the hell did I say to that? I knew what I wanted to say.

I wanted to tell her she wouldn’t have to remember a damn thing because she’d be by my side until the day she died.

I knew I wanted to possess her beauty. I knew I wanted to watch her come into her own and flourish.

I knew I never wanted to wake up and live in a world that Natasha was not a part of. I wanted her in my home and in my life.

But damn if that was not a possibility.

It was too late for me to pretend I didn’t care about her.

Well beyond me denying if I let myself I could fall in love with her.

The point was I cared, too much. I’d already disappointed one wife.

And according to Naomi I’d been such a crap husband, hurt her so badly, that her only option was to hurt me ten-fold as payback.

I’d lived through that, and after years of reflection, I hadn’t been a great partner to Naomi, and part of the reason why was because I’d been young.

The other part was because I’d had no business marrying a woman I could live without.

I’d loved her, but it was not consuming.

I’d cared, but not enough to quit my job.

I married Naomi because I thought it was the next logical step.

And we both paid. But if I were wrong and I was straight-up just a shit husband because I was a selfish asshole, I’d never put another woman through that.

Most especially Natasha. Once she was clear of the bullshit she deserved the best. That was not me.

So I would never allow myself to fall in love with her.

But I did care, so I would show her kindness and respect.

Once I tucked my dick back in my pants, that was.

Actually, I needed to find my pants first.

No, first I needed to clean my come off her belly.

Christ. I was an asshole and I already behaved like one. I decided to stay the course so I lowered my mouth to hers.

This time, I didn’t go at her like a starving man.

This time I went gentle. A soft slide of my tongue over Nat’s bottom lip.

She tilted her head and returned the gesture.

Fucking hell, how could a swipe of her tongue feel so good?

I continued to tease—light and coaxing—content with just this, a kiss but not really.

Licking and nibbling. Until her hand glided up over my shoulder, around the back of my neck, then into my hair.

My scalp tingled as she combed her fingers through it.

My intention had not been to go another round.

I didn’t have any condoms and I’d never had sex without them.

Not even with my wife. Part of me was thrilled—divine intervention—the reminder I absolutely should not take us further than we’d already gone.

Natasha leaned closer, her t-shirt still bunched under her chin. And I knew I needed to end the kiss when she moaned into my mouth. It was a different moan than she made when she got off. This noise was full of need, it was a plea, and unfortunately, I wasn’t going to give her what she wanted.

I broke the kiss and rested my forehead against hers, needing a moment to calm my racing heart.

When was the last time my heart pounded in my chest from a kiss?

Christ. I could love this woman and it wouldn’t take me much to get there.

“Shower time,” I told her.

When she didn’t move I gave her hip a squeeze.

“Nat?”

“Please let me have this,” she whispered.

Fucking hell.

She was killing me. Killing. Me.

“Have what, baby?”

“This. What we shared. Please let me have it and keep it. Don’t tell me it shouldn’t have happened or it was a mistake. And if you regret it please, I’m begging you, don’t ever tell me. Just let me keep this.”

Yep. She was killing me. Each word she spoke carved away some of the scar tissue around my heart. Adhesions that had served me well, protected me. Blisters that had hardened into calluses; I felt them when I breathed, cautioning me to never let my guard down, to keep women out.

“I don’t regret a damn thing,” I assured her.

And I didn’t. But I shouldn’t have taken us where I did. However, I’d keep that to myself.

She nodded and rolled away. I missed her immediately. With savage force, I shoved those thoughts aside and watched her sit up and pull her tee down, then she threw her legs over the side of the bed, and with the hem of her shirt barely covering her ass she walked to the bathroom.

This was precisely the moment I should get up and beat feet. Leave the room, give her privacy, then find something to do for the rest of the day that would keep me from her. We both needed the physical distance to get our heads sorted.

But I knew I wasn’t going to do that.

By my estimation, I was the stupidest man on the planet.

My guess was confirmed when I got out of bed and followed her into the bathroom.

She had not locked the door, if she had, my idiocy would’ve been over I would’ve dressed and left her to it.

But she hadn’t so I took the unintentional invitation and walked in.

Natasha had wasted no time undressing. Not that she had much to take off but the shirt was on the counter and there she stood naked.

I didn’t know what I expected her to do—kicking me out would’ve been a good start, but bold as brass she ignored my presence and stepped into the shower.

I took that as my second unwitting invitation and helped myself to her shower.

It was a fool thing to do. And over the next few minutes, I learned exactly how dumb I was.

She said not a word when I grabbed the soap and washed her.

She remained silent when I rinsed away the suds.

I didn’t think about how good she felt as my hands roamed her body.

I ignored the fast beat of her heart. I pushed away all thoughts about how beautiful she was, how I wanted to be the man who had the right to shower with her every morning.

The honor of being the man who would care for her in all ways.

It wasn’t until I was done, standing behind her I kissed her shoulder, did she speak.

“Thank you, Owen.”

Fuck. Killing. Me.

I kissed her shoulder again and I hoped she caught the meaning. Then I stepped out, dried off, got dressed, and got the fuck out of there.

I hoped like hell she didn’t think to change the sheets.

I hoped she was telling the truth and she’d never forget me because I’d never forget a single moment of her being in my life. But more, when this was done, I hoped she didn’t hate me.

I was in the kitchen eating the bagel I’d toasted wondering why Nat hadn’t come down yet when Gabe came in with a wide smile that looked an awful lot like a smirk.

“Mornin’.” He beamed.

Yes, he fucking beamed.

Damn.

“Whatever you think you know, keep to yourself.”

“Hate to break it to you, but the cat is out of the bag,” he returned.

My gut tightened and I was no longer hungry.

And for the record, Gabe didn’t hate to tell me anything. He looked mighty pleased to be the bearer of bad news.

“Right. Then how about you help me make sure everyone knows not to mention it.”

“Think she knows what happened, brother.”

“Don’t be a dick.” The side of Gabe’s mouth hitched up but he wisely didn’t comment. “I don’t want her to be embarrassed. ”

“Yeah, I get it. I can totally see how bumping uglies with you would be embarrassing.”

I didn’t correct Gabe, it would only make it worse. If he wanted to assume I’d fucked Nat, I was going to let him.

“Happy for you,” he whispered. “Know what that twat did to you. But it was a long time ago. Too long for you to still be licking your wounds. Glad you found something else to lick.”

Jesus.

“It’s not—”

“If it’s not, then you’re a dumb fuck and you need to make short work of turning it into that.”

“Good morning.” Nat’s unsure voice cut off my rebuttal.

“Mornin’,” Gabe greeted.

“You hungry? I can make eggs.”

“Nope. We’ve all already eaten.”

Nat’s gaze shot to mine and her eyes widened. Probably in question, maybe in embarrassment, but most likely she knew everyone had heard us.

Damn.

“Okay. Then I’ll just…” She trailed off and I wracked my brain with something to say to ease her discomfort.

“After you eat, bundle up and we’ll take a walk down to the creek.”

Seriously, dummy, that’s what you came up with?

“Creek?”

“Back of the property. Rapid Lightning Creek.”

“Okay.”

Gabe cleared his throat and my attention went back to him. He jerked his head in the direction of the living room.

“I think you’re being summoned,” Nat said when Gabe walked away.

“Subtlety is not his strong suit.”

“So, Kevin has no tact. Gabe isn’t subtle. That leaves you and Myles. What aren’t you good at?”

I didn’t want to think about how Nat knew Kevin was mostly rude because he had zero filter. Likely it had something to do with their meat conversation and I wasn’t going to think about that either.

“Myles’s only fault is he’s a control freak.”

“Control freak? Like he’s bossy?”