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CHAPTER 29
T RINA
Oddly, it’s been almost two weeks since the last contact from the person who’s been harassing me. After the “whores die” incident, everything just stopped. All of it. No more texts. No more photos. Nothing.
It’s like my stalker disappeared into thin air.
I’m torn between thinking he’s just screwing with me temporarily and letting myself feed that bit of hope blooming inside that maybe he’s gone.
Finally, I’m able to breathe easily again—at least sometimes—and the constant weight of the worry I’ve been carrying for the last few months is slowly lifting.
Or it was until I couldn’t reach Emily for a while this evening.
Add in that Fitz took the past week off work at the last minute and I haven’t seen him. Hence, no amusing updates about what it’s like having my sister for a roommate and now I’m worried again—but about her this time.
Emily finally answered her phone and when I heard the sadness in her voice—and that she and Fitz are no longer living together—I didn’t hesitate and got in the car and headed to her rental. It will piss Ben off if he gets back from the store and finds me gone, but it doesn’t matter. This is a priority.
So, here I am, standing at my sister’s short-term rental door, waiting for her to answer.
A minute later, the door creaks open and Emily stands on the other side. Her eyes are red and swollen, the swelling you only get from crying a lot.
I say nothing and pull her into a hug, holding her for several long seconds before I squeeze her shoulders and release her. Then we head over to her couch to take a seat.
“Are you ready to talk about it now?”I ask.
“Do you want to go sit on the balcony and have a glass of wine?” Emily is wringing her hands, and her voice is hushed while her eyes divert away from mine.
She’s stalling. Classic Emily when she’s trying to avoid telling me something.
A few minutes later, we each have a glass of chardonnay and we’re sitting on the two outdoor rockers that were provided with the rental. It’s a warm, late August night, so it’s not nearly as hot as it has been. The sun is going down, and it’s a perfect late summer evening.
“I’m glad to see that you’re in a second story unit. It makes me feel better about you being here alone. And the parking area seems well lit.”
“Yeah, it’s a nice little place. I have it rented for two weeks and then I have the option to renew for two weeks at a time until mid-October. I need to look for my own place again.”
I turn to look at her, feeling my brow furrow. “It seems like you’d stopped house-hunting. I’m kind of surprised to see you suddenly living in a rental and resuming the search.”
Emily opens her mouth like she’s going to say something, then closes it after a few seconds.
“Did you have a big fight? He hasn’t been at work this week to tell me, but it doesn’t seem like you could’ve argued about anything big enough for Fitz to kick you out of his house.”
“He didn’t kick me out. I left. It just wasn’t ideal for me to be staying there anymore.” She wastes no time trying to change the subject. “What did you mean about Charlie not being at work all week?”
We spend the next few minutes with me telling her about Fitz’s last-minute time off request, and then she tells me all about the incident at his parents. For probably the one hundredth time, Mr. Fitzgerald came home accusing Fitz’s mom of cheating on him. Then he used it as an excuse to abuse her.
It’s not uncommon for Mr. Fitzgerald to get physically violent with his wife on top of the emotional and verbal abuse he regularly doles out. But this time, she called Fitz, and since Fitz and Emily were out together, Emily witnessed first-hand a physical altercation between Fitz and his father.
I cringe on the inside. Fitz will hate that she saw that. Hell, even though there is no love lost between him and his father, Fitz has somehow limited the physical altercations with him now that he’s an adult. Still, one of Fitz’s biggest fears is that, deep down, he’s just like his father.
I can’t help but grimace. “It probably embarrassed him you saw that. He’s almost as bad as me with wanting to protect you and not have you see the ugly things of the world.”
A deep, almost frustrated sigh escapes Emily.
“I’m twenty-eight years old. You can’t protect me my whole life, and neither can Charlie. Bad shit happens to everybody. None of us can escape it. You took wonderful care of me growing up. It should never have had to be your job, and a lot of siblings wouldn’t have taken that on. But you made sure I had a childhood full of love and security. I felt cared for and that was because of you. It’s not your responsibility to keep doing all of it. I’m not a child anymore. Just be my sister.”
A single tear rolls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away.
Damn it, Ben. The man’s got my emotions all out of whack.
Emily reaches across the small table between us and grabs my hand. And I sit on the porch holding hands with my sister, who looks heartbroken with her sad eyes and a near constant frown on her pretty face.
We sit quietly for a long time and my mind wanders back to the night Ben and I went to Fitz’s to talk about Emily not staying there alone. There was something different about them that night. I had considered whether something was going on with them but, with all that was happening with the stalker, I figured it was just in my head.
Now I’m pretty sure my first instinct was right. Especially when I say goodbye to Emily and, as I’m leaving, she asks me to check on Fitz for her. I’ll do that for her—for them both—but I also want to know why my sister has been crying, and I’m pretty sure Fitz can tell me.
Twenty minutes later, I’m standing on Fitz’s porch, pounding on his front door. When he opens it, I push past him and stomp through the mudroom and into his main living area. He follows.
I whip around to face him. “Why is my sister sad and crying?” I can hear that my tone is demanding, but when I look closer, I see his disheveled hair, untrimmed beard and sagging eyes, and I try to soften my tone. “And why do you look like shit?”
“Hello to you, too,” Fitz answers, sarcasm dripping from his voice. I shoot him a glare just before regret flashes over his face. Fitz isn’t the guy who talks to people like that. He’s almost always measured and kind in his speech—unless something has him really thrown off his axis.
His shoulders sag, and he walks away from me, heading toward his kitchen. I follow.
“What do you want to drink?”
“Grape soda, please.” I purposely try to take the bite out of my tone.
He hands me the can and I remind myself this is the Fitz I’m used to, the best friend who stocks this grape soda just for me. We head out to his deck and take seats. The popping and fizzing that accompanies us opening our cans is the only sound for several minutes.
“I need to talk to you about something.” Fitz glances over at me and I’m already looking at him, waiting with quiet anticipation for what he’s going to say. “Uh, when Em was here… uh, well, things, um?—”
“Do you two think I’m stupid? Or blind, for that matter?” I’m not mad, but there’s a tension in me—and my voice—knowing that I may not like what I hear next.
“What? No, of course not.”
“Look. You know I’m typically blunt, so I’m just gonna say it. Did you get involved with Emily when she lived here?”
Fitz leans forward and lets his head drop between his shoulders, staring at the ground. When he finally turns his gaze to me again and looks me in the eye, he says, “I swear I didn’t mean for it to happen. We were going to tell you. It’s why we invited you over that night you showed up with Ben. But then it didn’t feel right to tack that on at the end of everything you shared with us.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I ignore it.
I stare at Fitz for several uncomfortable seconds, giving my brain time to process this. How have I been so wrapped up in my world that I missed the two people I love more than anything were falling for each other right in front of my nose?
I sit back in my chair and focus my gaze straight ahead into the darkening starry night.
“I knew it. That night, I could see something was different between you two.” I pause for a few seconds. “Really, I’ve known it for a while, I think. I just couldn’t put my finger on what had changed until I saw you two together that night. Saw how you looked at each other, reacted to each other.”
Fitz leans back and practically whispers, “Is she okay?”
My heart aches for the obvious pain in his voice. “No. She’s not. She’s really sad. Apparently, she’s been staying in a rental holed up crying whenever she’s not at work.”
“Fuck,” he mutters.
Again, my phone starts and again, I don’t answer.
“You know, Emily has had a crush on you since she first met you. For the first few years, I didn’t realize there was something there on your end as well. It wasn’t until she and Teddy broke up that summer after she graduated from college that I started seeing it. The way you watched her when she was in a room, how you smiled when she talked. How you were just as protective of her as I was. I thought maybe something would happen with you two, that maybe I should give you permission, but I opted to sit back and see how it unfolded. Then it all just got weird right after Thanksgiving that year. I could see your discomfort around each other, and I didn’t have to ask either of you to know something happened.”
“God, was it that obvious?”
I shrug. “To me it was. But you and I have a friendship that transcends words. I know you almost as well as I know myself. And thank God for that, because neither of us are big talkers. We just get each other.”
My phone buzzing relentlessly in my pocket again is distracting me, so I hold up a finger, telling Fitz to hold on, and pull the phone out of my pocket.
I guess Ben’s home from the store and has realized I’m not there.
I stand, walk a few feet away, and answer the call.
“Benjamin, quit calling me. I’m fine.” I’m too curt with him, I know that.
“Trina, goddamnit, where are you? It’s not safe for you to be out alone at night. What could be worth making yourself bait like this?” Ben’s voice is angry, but there’s also worry there.
A deep sigh escapes me. “I’m not out making myself bait. I’m with Fitz.” After I steal a glance over to where Fitz is sitting, I lower my voice to a near whisper. “I was right about him and Emily, but now something has happened with them and I’m trying to figure it out.”
I can almost hear his relief when he exhales a deep breath. “Thank God you’re not alone. Look, I’m not trying to be bossy or controlling, but just because this guy’s been quiet doesn’t mean he’s gone. And if something happened to you, I’d… fuck Trina, I’d lose my mind.”
“I get it. Sorry I made you worry. I’ll message you when I leave here.” I silence my phone and slip it back into my pocket, then walk back over to sit down next to Fitz.
“Sorry about that. Anyway, to make a long story short. I thought maybe I’d misread that you felt something for her until…” I look down at my hands, not able to bear seeing his expression when I explain.
“Until what?”
I glance back up at Fitz. “Until I saw your face when Teddy proposed to her several years later. It was subtle, but I knew immediately whatever you felt for her wasn’t gone like I thought. And shit, I should have said something before she got married. It all just happened so fast.”
Fitz shakes his head. “Don’t feel bad, Trina. He’s who she wanted to be with, or she wouldn’t have gotten back together with him, and she wouldn’t have married him.”
“I’m not so sure of that.” My voice is hushed, and Fitz’s eyes widen.
“What does that mean?” he asks, clearly shaken by my words.
“I’m just not sure she would have gone through with it if she realized she had a chance at a love that could be… different. Emily loved him. She did. And he loved her. But I really think for Emily’s part, it was a love based largely on their friendship and her comfort level with him. It was easy. Well, it should have been, anyway.” I scoff. “But it wasn’t that soul-stirring kind of love. The kind that wraps itself around your heart when it finds you and refuses to let go, no matter what happens or how much time passes. Or how much you tell yourself you don’t care about the person, dislike them, even.”
The kind I felt for Ben all those years ago and could never get past.
Fitz turns his gaze from me and stares into the dark night. I do the same. “The kind that prevents you from being able to truly move on. To give yourself fully to someone new, even if you can’t be with the one who holds your heart in their grip.”
I swivel my neck to look at him, my eyes straining against the constraints of their sockets, mouth wide open.
How did I miss this?
“Holy hell. You don’t just care about her, you love her.”
Fitz anxiously rubs at his beard. Still not looking at me.
“How long?” I ask. “How long have you loved her?”
He turns and meets my gaze. “I think I’ve loved her from the start. Almost ten years.”
The sincerity on his face and in his voice is almost painful to see and hear.
I jump up from my chair and start pacing back and forth across the deck, muttering under my breath. Agitation fills me. After a minute or two, I say, “I get why you said nothing those first few years, when she and Teddy were together, but why didn’t you tell her after they broke up after she finished college? It makes no sense.”
I stop in front of him and stare, waiting for an answer.
When he lifts his eyes to meet mine, I’m hit in the chest with the realization of what held him back, and I swear my heart breaks apart in my chest. It was me. I’m the reason they’re not together.
“Because of our friendship,” I whisper. “You thought I’d be mad.”
“I couldn’t risk losing you. You’re my best friend, and I know how protective you are of her.”
I plop back down in my seat, and all my energy drains out of me at once. “You could have told me. My God, next to Emily, you’re my favorite person. I’m not saying I might not have freaked out at first, but you’re one of the best guys I know.”
A sarcastic laugh escapes him. “I don’t know about that.”
“Well, I do. Wait a minute, is that why she moved out? Why you two ended whatever you were doing? Were you afraid I wouldn’t be okay with it?”
He shrugs. “That’s part of it.”
“Well, what’s the other part? Because I love you both and want you two to be happy. So, if being together makes you happy, then I’m okay with it. I just don’t want any… details, if you get my drift.”
Fitz’s face falls. “Did she tell you about what happened at my parents?” I nod. “I lost it on my dad, Tri. Seeing my mom bleeding set me off. A few days later, I accidentally overheard Emily on the phone telling someone how afraid I made her feel, and that she couldn’t imagine what being with a man ‘like that’ would do to a woman long term or having a child with someone like me.”
We sit in silence for several long seconds as I think on the words he says he overhead. It makes no sense. I know Emily feels safe with Fitz, not afraid of him.
“Are you sure you heard her correctly? Because that doesn’t sound like something Emily would say about you. And if she really felt that way, I don’t see how she’d be as brokenhearted as she is right now.”
Fitz’s eyes dart up to mine and he grimaces. I presume from me describing Emily as brokenhearted. “I heard her right. Besides, she’s not wrong. I’m not surprised it scared her. And I can’t be with her knowing I could end up like my dad and destroy her spirit like all the men in my family do to the women who love them.”
“You are an infinite dumbass.”
Fitz’s mouth drops open in shock. “That was rude.”
“For God’s sake. You are nothing like your father. Not now and you won’t ever be.”
“You don’t know th?—”
I slam my hand down on the table between us. “Yes, I do. I’ve known you ten fucking years. You. Are. Not. Your. Father. That man took enough from you growing up. Stop letting him hold any power over you now. He’s a weak, pathetic man who doesn’t deserve you as a son. And you aren’t him. So, get that through your thick skull and quit letting him affect your decisions, because that’s what you’re doing.”
After that, we sit in relative silence until my phone buzzes again. I glance down at the screen and huff. “I’ve gotta get going or that maniac—not my stalker, the maniac I’m staying with—is going to make me nuts.”
Fitz walks me to my car. “Text me when you get home safely, okay?”
“Yeah. Fine.” I’m not usually much of a hugger, but I wrap my arms around him. “Listen, I know I was a little harsh out there, but it’s time you see yourself for who you really are, not the way he made you think you are. Because if you don’t, you’re not likely to get a third chance to let my sister know you love her. And you’ll lose her for good. I don’t want that for either of you.”
Table of Contents
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- Page 30 (Reading here)
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