Page 26

CHAPTER 25

T RINA

I watch nervously as Rose dips a wooden spoon into the pan on Ben’s stove, scoops out a few spoonfuls of sauce and places them into a small bowl. She uses a teaspoon to get a sample and blows on it to cool it off. I nibble on the edge of my thumb nail nervously and inhale deeply, the aroma of cooking garlic filling my nose.

As if in slow motion, Rose lifts the spoon to her mouth and puts it in, then closes her eyes and swallows. That was one of the early lessons in the cooking classes Ben’s mom has been giving me for a month. First, it was to cook while you’re listening to something you enjoy and that brings you peace. It could be a certain type of music, silence, or even the sound of your family laughing and talking in the background. But the other key one was to close your eyes when you taste, to focus only on the flavors you’re experiencing while being bathed in the sounds that make you happy.

She’s gonna hate it. I’m sure of it. But when she opens her eyes, she smiles radiantly.

“You did it, sweetheart. You made a bolognese sauce that’s as good as my grandma’s ever was.”

I pull my hand away from my mouth and grin. “Really? It’s not disgusting?”

Rose releases a hearty laugh, making me happy on the inside. “Try it yourself. I promise you, it’s delicious.”

I put a little of the sauce on my spoon and lift it to my mouth, closing my eyes just as she taught me. When the warm, thick sauce hits my tastebuds, I grin with delight as I taste the tangy sweetness mixed with Italian herbs and the pleasant flavor fills my entire mouth. I swallow, then open my eyes.

I glance over at Rose and whisper, “I did it. Thank you so much.” My vision blurs with moisture and I feel foolish. I’m about to cry over beef bolognese sauce.

“Oh, honey… Let’s grab our coffees and go have a seat on the couch, okay?”

I sniffle and nod, then we both grab our cups of iced coffee. I turn off the burner under my sauce, and we walk into Ben’s living room and plant ourselves on the cushy navy blue couch, sinking in.

“I’m sorry. I’m just… I thought I couldn’t cook and never would be able to and now I know I can and,”—I grab a tissue from the table next to me and wipe my nose—“and I’m just really overwhelmed right now.”

Rose smiles at me and it’s filled with warmth and something I take a second to place. I’m not used to seeing it from a motherly figure. It’s acceptance. And no judgment.

“Trina, it’s okay that you didn’t know how to cook. You just needed someone to teach you and you’re doing wonderfully in our lessons.” Her voice is reassuring.

“Emily didn’t need lessons, and she’s an amazing cook,” I counter.

“Yes, she is, and it comes very natural to her. I bet if you asked her, there’s stuff she had to work on perfecting. But could Emily attend fire academy at twenty-one years old and, being the only woman, graduate first in her class in a course that requires not just brains but physical strength? Was Emily promoted to captain over a crew of firefighters at just thirty? Did Emily literally carry a woman out of a burning building earlier this summer, making the front page of the local paper?”

I sniffle and laugh. “Okay. I get it. That all comes naturally to me, and I work hard to excel at the physical. Maybe that’s where my talents lie, and I just have to train myself to cook.”

“Exactly.” Rose releases a satisfied grin and lifts her drink to her mouth to take a sip.

Something strikes me then. “Mrs. Donley?—”

“Rose. Not Mrs. Donley.”

“Rose, how did you know all of that stuff about my career?”

Her cheeks flush a pretty pink and her eyes glisten as she smiles sweetly at me. “You know, ever since the first time Emily came over to hang out with Shayna all those years ago, you’ve impressed me. I remember telling John that I got a call from Emily’s sister, who was barely an adult herself, to talk before giving Emily permission to come over. Do you know, no parent had ever called to check that someone would supervise before they sent their children to our house?”

“Emily wasn’t happy with me. She said I was embarrassing. But I’m sorry if me calling offended you.” I wring my hands, regret filling me.

“Oh no, you misunderstand. I was impressed, not offended. Still, I wondered why it was you calling and not your parents. But over the next few years, I realized you were the one really raising Emily into the amazing young woman she is. You gave her the type of unconditional love and support I suspect you didn’t get yourself.”

I look down at my hands and pick at my cuticles to hide my discomfort. “I just wanted her to be happy.”

“She was, and is, and you’re largely to thank for that. Anyway, when I came to realize that you were also the same girl Ben was over the top crushing on in high school—and after high school, really—I began paying even closer attention. Do you know that when you were a junior in high school and Ben was a freshman, he used to make John and I go to all the home girls’ soccer games so we could cheer for you? He played it off like it was necessary to make sure Shayna and Emily weren’t getting into any trouble when they were there watching you, but John and I quickly realized that it was because he had a crush on you and…”

“And?”

She smiles, but it’s sad this time. “And I think he wanted to make sure you had a good cheering section there for you.” I smile at the thought. That fits perfectly with who I know Ben to be. He was, and is, the guy who notices the type of things like a kid eating alone in the lunchroom or the girl whose parents never came to her games.

Rose clears her throat. “Anyway, I didn’t really answer your initial question, did I?”

We both laugh.

“I guess not, but it’s okay.”

“No, I want to answer. What do you say we take a walk outside while we finish talking?”

“That would be perfect. I’d love to get out of the house.”

Five minutes later, Rose and I have secured the house and begin walking around Ben’s neighborhood. It’s hot but pleasant out and the baby blue sky dotted with puffy clouds makes for the perfect day.

“So, back to your career. I know so much because I’ve kept track of you over the years. When Ben told me you had dated, I was sad it didn’t work out. Even though you weren’t together, that didn’t make me stop caring about you. I’m so proud of you and all you’ve accomplished. I hope you know what an amazing woman you’ve grown into.”

I smile at her and whisper, “Thank you.” I can’t say more than that because I’m choked up and Rose seems to understand.

When I pull myself together, I hit Rose with the question I’ve been avoiding. “Has Ben told you about my situation? With the… the…”

“The creeper?” she asks sweetly. I chuckle at her tone and nod. “He has. Not all the details, but just enough to make sure I keep my eyes open when we’re out plarning and such. Then, of course, he didn’t want me surprised if I popped over and saw you living here.” A hot flush rushes into my cheeks. Rose pats my arm and grins. “No worries, dear. You and Ben are adults, so even if there was no creeper, you have no reason to be embarrassed. But tell me, how are you holding up with all of it?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. At first, maybe I didn’t think it was as serious as it is. Now, I’m just exhausted. I want my life back and I’m sick of being afraid. I worry he’ll hurt someone I love, or that he’ll never slip up, and this is how I’ll live the rest of my life. Plus, I can’t live with Ben forever.”

Rose doesn’t look at me, but continues at a pace that is impressive. I’d be sweating if my legs weren’t so much longer than hers, saving me some steps. “Can’t you?”

Hmm? Maybe she misunderstood.

“Can’t I what?”

“Can’t you stay with Ben forever? I mean, if that’s what you both wanted.”

I’m so shocked that I swallow my saliva wrong and sputter and cough.

Rose stops walking for a second to let me get my bearings and, when it’s clear I’m okay, she resumes our prior pace. “Listen, I don’t know any significant details except how my son feels about you. And I could be wrong, but it seems that you don’t… dislike him right now. So, all I’m saying is it’s okay to change your mind and try for something you want, even if it didn’t work out in the past.”

“It’s a challenge for me to rely on other people, so this whole stalker situation has hit me really hard because of the obvious reasons, but also because I’m having to depend on Ben so much. It makes me feel weak and then I wonder if he’ll resent that I’m around so much… that he always has to worry about me.”

“You’re anything but weak, I promise you. I know my son and he could be around you twenty-four-seven and still want more time with you.”

I sigh. “I know Ben is a more mature man than he was when we first dated. He’s worked through the things on his end that made our relationship fail. But… but what if he decides I’m not worth it? Or someone else comes along who’s more together, less of a control freak, and he changes his mind about me?”

I’m not sure when I’ve been so open with someone about my insecurities, if ever.There’s just something about Rose that makes me able to relax and share.

We arrive back at Ben’s house and when we come around to the back patio, Rose stops and looks me square in the eyes. “Trina, I’m going to give you the same advice I would give my children in this situation. First, let me assure you, with Ben, you have no competition, and you never will. If you want him, you have him. Ask him and I’m certain he’ll tell you the same. But only you can decide if you should take the chance and be vulnerable with Ben about how you’re feeling, what your fears are. It’s scary to open yourself up, most definitely. But, in my experience, the most beautiful things in life have been those that came to me when I faced my fears head on and pushed them out of the way. That’s how to make room for the wonderful emotions in life—joy, peace, and love.”