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CHAPTER 14

T RINA

My stomach’s been a quivery mess since Ben left the house this morning. When we were younger, I got used to friendly, flirty Ben. For those months when I gave in to my feelings all those years ago, I felt what it was like to be loved by him—intense and amazing. But the flip side of that is I know just as well how agonizing it is to be hurt by him. Because the Ben I fell in love with back then didn’t know how to talk through his feelings when they weren’t positive, and he reacted out of self-preservation rather than putting our relationship first.

If I’m being truthful with myself, I can’t deny that the Ben from these last few months has swallowed that pride more than once and has made himself vulnerable to me on several occasions. I’m sure my reaction to getting drunk-married to him and then to finding out today that it’s official was probably hurtful to him. Yet he didn’t strike back in his hurt. In fact, he’s been patient and understanding, mostly. But today, I wasn’t expecting him to share that he was afraid for me to the point it makes it hard for him to sleep. And I definitely never would have thought he’d tell me I’m the one he still wants, despite all the years that have passed and all the disdain I’ve shown him.

What do I even do with that?

* * *

Three hours after Ben left my house, I sit at a table in the Donley’s backyard with a few women from our steamy book club—Susan and Christine—and three of Annie’s coworkers from the ER that I don’t really know. I’d much rather be sitting with Emily and Shayna, but they’re both seated at the bridesmaids’ table.

It’s not that I can’t talk to people I don’t know well. In a professional capacity, I can talk to anyone because I’m aware of exactly what’s expected of me in that setting. But in a social situation, I’ve never quite fit in easily unless I’m very familiar with the people present. And you don’t get to know many people well when you struggle to make casual conversation.

Until the last year or two, I haven’t really had many female friends. I’ve always been friendly with Shayna since she’s Emily's best friend, and now Annie since she’s been around for well over a year. Then there’s Jordan Malone, Elladine Fire’s only female Battalion Chief. What started out as a professional mentorship has grown into a friendship I appreciate. But even though my repertoire of female friends is growing, my best friend for the last decade has been Fitz. No female bestie for me.

The women around me chat, and I’m grateful to have a mint mojito to hold while I wait for the party to officially get underway. As I watch three women from the table, who are clearly friends, chat effortlessly, I allow my mind to go further down the rabbit hole of why I am the way I am.

The last time I can clearly remember having female friends was in elementary school—sixth grade, to be exact. Over the summer between sixth and seventh grade, shit got real for me. As in, I grew several inches in height and developed boobs I didn’t know what to do with. My friends were all petite and rail thin with straight waists and hips and, suddenly, I wasn’t. If it wasn’t bad enough that I had gotten taller than the other girls and had very obvious breasts while they were all still mostly flat, my waist curved in, and my hips flared out. It didn’t look bad, but it was different and to a twelve-year-old girl, being different was definitely bad.

Still, I thought my friends would understand. And at first the changes in my body enamored my friends, them often asking questions I didn’t really have the answers to. But within a few weeks of starting seventh grade, the worst thing happened; boys noticed the changes in me, and it was clear they liked them. So, one by one, my girlfriends pulled away, some even turning downright cruel in their jealousy about something I had no control over.

Add that to the fact that it was around this same age that I finally understood that my mother’s aloofness with Emily and me wasn’t normal. Our mother didn’t want anyone around who took focus off of her, especially if that was the focus and attention of my father. How a woman can be jealous of her own children is beyond me. But Lorene Flynn was exactly that.

I’m pulled from my thoughts by a gasp.

“Daaaaamn,” the stunning, petite blonde sitting next to me says. It draws my attention, and I glance up right as she nudges the gorgeous brunette sitting next to her. “Annie didn’t tell us there’d be entertainment here.”

I follow their gazes to the patio doors where Ben, his father, and his brothers-in-law have just walked out of.

“I call dibs on the Jack look-a-like,” the curvy raven-haired woman says. “Jesus, I’d climb that man like a tree, no questions asked.”

I take a long sip of my mojito to quench my now cotton-dry mouth and to stop myself from verbally reacting. But inside, my hackles are up. Way up.

I bet they’d find it thrilling to end up accidentally married to Ben.

As discreetly as I can, I watch as Ben walks over and hugs his mom, then places a sweet kiss on her cheek before releasing her. I should have looked away sooner, but I couldn’t, and when Ben catches me staring, he offers me a small smile—one that doesn’t quite meet his eyes—before looking away.

“Holy shit. I think he smiled at me,” the blonde says, breathy. “Sorry, Jody,” she says to her raven-haired friend. “Looks like I’m the one Annie will be setting him up with.”

I roll my eyes and down the rest of my drink before standing to go get another. Good thing Emily picked me up and drove me because I have a feeling these three are going to have me back at the alcohol table several times this afternoon.

Two hours later, we’ve eaten lunch and played a miserable amount of wedding themed party games. Annie and Jack are just opening presents and, needing a few minutes of reprieve from the group at my table, I stand and move off to the periphery of the party. A couple others are standing on the edges, so I don’t appear too awkward doing it.

A few minutes later, Ben’s mom—one of the best women I know—comes and stands next to me. Now this woman, she’s the epitome of a mother. It was actually getting to know her and seeing her with her family over the years after Emily became friends with Shayna that made me realize how amazing it could be to have a big family.

“Hi Trina. It’s so wonderful to see you.”

I smile at her. “Hi Mrs. Donley. It’s great to see you too. It’s been too long.”

“Yes, it definitely has. It always makes me so happy to see you. We should start having coffee or lunch once a month.”

“I’d love that.” An idea strikes me. “Mrs. Donley, do you still crochet?”

“Of course. It helps relax me, and I love making things for people. Why do you ask?”

I grin. “Have you ever heard of plarning?”

She tilts her head, and her eyebrows furrow. “I don’t think I have. What is it?”

Ten minutes later, I’ve explained plarning and my group that meets to make sleeping mats for the homeless. We’ve made plans for her to join me when I next go to Meadow Creek for our meeting at the library.

After that, we stand quietly for a few minutes and watch as Annie and Jack continue opening gifts.

“You know, I always thought Ben would be first.”

Confused, I turn to her, but she’s still watching Annie and Jack. “Huh? First for what?”

“To get married, sweetie.” Rose looks at me now and her gray, almost lilac-colored eyes fix on me. “And yet here we are, with Jack about to be married for the second time. Shannon and Shyley are both married. I suspect Shayna’s headed that way, and Ben isn’t.”

“Ben?” I can’t help but chuckle out loud at the thought.

“Of course. Ben was the first of my children to fall in love with his whole heart and soul.” Her voice is soft, sad almost.

A lump fills my throat and I’m immediately nauseous thinking about Ben loving another woman like that.

I shouldn’t ask her, but I can’t stop myself. “Ben’s been in love like that? W-when?” I whisper. Nausea instantly hits me at the thought. I know it’s been almost ten years, but I still don’t enjoy hearing it and I wonder if I know the woman and what happened between them. And why he would lie to me when he left my house today and say I’m the only one he’s wanted?

Rose doesn’t speak right away, but her eyes flit over my features, searching my face as she remains quiet. Then sadness fills her eyes and her mouth curves down into a frown.

“Oh, honey. You don’t know, do you?” I say nothing, afraid she’ll stop talking and I need her to tell me. No matter how much it hurts to hear, maybe this is what I need if I have any chance of truly ever moving on with someone else. “Yes, he’s been in love like that. I’m pretty sure he still is… even though it’s been almost ten years.”

She watches me patiently as I process what she’s saying and understanding dawns on me. My eyes widen.

“M-me? It’s me?”

* * *

BEN

My dad, brothers-in-law, Troy and Lincoln, and I stayed at O’Riley’s until Jack texted me the all clear that it was safe to come back to my parents’ house. It’s nearly six p.m. when I pull into their driveway with the ragamuffin group of beer-happy men in my family. Well, except Lincoln—he’s a lightweight and prefers a fruitier drink. I’m grateful there are a lot fewer vehicles on the street near the house compared to when we left, but I’m dejected that I don’t see Trina’s sedan. I really hoped to at least get another glimpse of her before she left.

At least Jack promised there was cake left. It’s no comparison to getting a few minutes in the same space as Trina, but it’s better than nothing.

When the guys and I come around the side of my parents’ yard to the back, we find all the tables but one cleaned up. Annie and her a few of her bridesmaids—Emily, Shayna, and her friend Janie from the ER—as well as my other two sisters, Shannon and Shyley, are all seated there.

I guide a very intoxicated Lincoln, Shyley’s husband, over and sit him in the chair next to her.

“Your hubby can’t hold his alcohol, Shy,” I chuckle.

Shyley grins. “Let me guess… Aperol spritzes?”

“Yep. I almost made him sit at another table since he was knocking our group testosterone levels down.”

Lincoln kisses Shyley on the cheek, then bends down to her almost nine-month-pregnant belly and places a gentle kiss on it before he talks to his unborn child.

A hint of jealousy at what they have and how their family is growing nips at me. I instantly feel like a heel for it, but fuck, I want that life. Except there’s only one woman I want it with.

“Hey, Ben,” Janie says, “too bad you weren’t here ten minutes ago. You had quite the fan club with a few of the girls Annie and I work with in the ER. They basically begged Annie to get your phone number.”

“Yeah, all three of them wanted it,” Annie laughs.

I can’t help but groan. “Yeah, not interested.”

Janie smirks and looks over at Annie. “Uh oh,” she says before placing her fingertips over her lips.

“Shit. Please, please tell me you didn’t give them my number. I’m really not interested.”

“They’re all like twenty-four and really gorgeous…” Annie offers.

“And I heard they don’t mind sharing,” Janie teases.

I scrub my hands through my hair, grabbing a fistful. “There’s nothing about that I find even remotely appealing.”

My sister, Shayna, stands and puts her hand on my forehead. “Nope. No fever.”

“Stop it,” I tell her. “I’m not looking for anything right now.”

Emily narrows her eyes on me. “Oh, my God. Do you have a girlfriend? Like an actual girlfriend?”

Several of the women’s mouths fall open in surprise.

“Just because I’m not?—”

“Cake!” Lincoln calls out happily. And I turn around to see my mom smirking and Trina staring at me wide-eyed.

I stare for several long seconds. “H-how long have you been standing there?”

I direct my question to Trina, but it’s my mom that answers. “Long enough to know you’re not interested in three gorgeous young ladies who were begging for your phone number and don’t mind sharing. Whatever that means.”

Trina’s serious face rapidly changes to an amused one.

“Yeah, I don’t know what that means either. Care to enlighten your mom and me?” Trina asks. There’s an amused twinkle in her eye that wasn’t there a few moments ago and I’m so gonna get her back for this.

I pin my gaze on her, loving the way she’s fighting to hold back a smile.

“I have no idea. I’m not one to share what’s mine.”

Trina’s eyes widen for a split second and her pupils dilate before she neutralizes her expression again.

My mom clears her throat. “We thought you boys would want some cake.”

“Yes, please!” Lincoln calls out.

When my mom walks to the table to give Lincoln and my dad their cake, I move closer to Trina. And far enough away from the table so that only she’ll hear me.

“I’ll take a piece of whatever you’re offering,” I practically whisper, never taking my eyes off of hers.

Trina simultaneously lifts her right eyebrow and the right side of her mouth as she cocks her head to the side. “Well, the only piece I’m offering is of this cake.” She tries to sound annoyed, but I don’t miss the rosy shade of red that covers her pretty cheeks.

I grin at her. “I’ll take it. For now…” I reach out and take a plate of cake from her hands while I wink at her.

“Okay, lover boy. Rein it in.” She openly laughs and fuck if I don’t love that sound coming from her, especially directed at me.

“Come sit with me on the patio chairs while I eat my cake? Please?” I’m shocked when she agrees.

“Just for a minute. I have something I need to say to you.”

We walk to the patio chairs and sit down. I quickly fill my mouth with a bite of cake to hide that I’m nervous about what she’s going to say. Especially considering our conversation this morning. I brace myself for her to say she can’t give me the sixty days I’ve asked for—that she wants to move forward with a divorce.

I watch her, waiting for her to begin, but she sits for several seconds wringing her hands and looking off into the yard. I can’t bear her discomfort. It’s like now that I’ve learned how badly I hurt her all those years ago, I’m unable to stand being the source of any more of her pain.

“Hey, look at me, please.” She takes a deep breath and turns to face me. “It’s okay. I want the sixty days to give us a shot more than I want my next breath. But the last thing I ever want to do again is cause you pain. So, I get it. You don’t want to… to wait.”

Trina crosses her arms over her chest and focuses intently on me. “Are you done?”

I nod in response. Fuck, I really hoped she’d see I’ve changed and give us a chance.

“I’m not saying no to the sixty days. But I’m also not saying yes. I need more time to think about it. But I am willing to offer you… something. Let me get this out without interrupting, though. Okay?” I nod and run my thumb and index finger across my lips like I’m zipping them. She takes a deep breath. “I don’t want you to be up worrying about me at night and not able to sleep. So, on a day-to-day basis, I’m willing to consider letting you stay at my house overnight. You’ll sleep in the guest room, and you’ll park in the garage. We tell no one. Absolutely no one.”

I couldn’t speak if I wanted to. I’m pretty sure I’m struck dumb with shock.

Trina stands. “I’m going to sit back with the girls. If you want to take me up on the offer, you can arrive between seven forty-five and eight p.m. Not before and not after. So, um, bye.”

Off she walks.

Me? It feels like I just won the damn lottery.