Page 34

Two more days pass and it’s business as usual.

Amos’ room is barren and unused as I walk past the open door and make my way to the athletic center.

Cal and Mina have been keeping me steady, letting me cry it out, and offering me their unconditional support and love.

During the nights and mornings, my mom steps in to keep my mind occupied when I’m not training.

I feel so hollow inside.

A feeling I know all too well from a time in my life I’d like to never revisit.

This hollowness is different.

Before I was alone. Now?

I’m surrounded by friends and my mom.

So why do I feel hollow?

It can’t all be because Amos has been missing.

Well, that’s a bit dramatic.

Apparently he’s checked in on the radio, but it’s only a one-way radio.

It’s how The Valley receives messages from The Wall.

How I wish I could just talk to Amos for one minute.

We aren’t even anything, just the idea of something.

I guess that something filled a void I didn’t know was still inside me.

Goddammit, I miss Amos.

I miss him way too much to be healthy.

As I blindly walk along the sidewalk and up the stairs over the bridge that leads to the northern part of campus.

I stop halfway across the bridge to look out at the train tracks below.

A lone zombie—a deadie—barely holding on to the last scraps of dead flesh, wanders aimlessly along the tracks.

“I feel ya, buddy.”

The zombie’s head flicks up but not in my direction, as if it can barely even hear me.

I wonder how long these things can unlive for.

It’s been over five years since the outbreak.

All the information I’ve been given on these undead humans is pretty much the same.

They decay like any other dead creature, but the process is slower.

I guess that’s how these things can still be standing so many years later.

I turn away from the deadie and continue my route to the sports center for training.

When I step on the training mat, Kyle is at his normal spot at the front, ready to start the session with our unit.

Olivia and Andrew are on standby, awaiting his instructions.

But it isn’t Kyle who shouts for attention.

I twirl around at the voice that said, “Good morning,” from behind me.

Amos. He’s back. And he looks even more gorgeous than the imprint of him on my eyelids.

As he walks by, he gives me a quick wink.

That’s it. A freaking wink.

I want to be angry that he didn’t give me more, like a goddamn explanation as to why he was gone for so long.

We are at training though.

He’ll make time for me later.

So I brush off my shock and calm down my racing heart.

“Alright, everyone, let’s circle up,” Amos says as he reaches Kyle at the front of the mat.

“As you all know, Lucas and I went to The Wall after receiving a message on the radio. One of Dr. Tuwile’s spies was captured and brought in for questioning. General Greene requested my presence. I was not allowed to interrogate the spy directly, but I relayed our own line of questions.”

Amos pauses for a moment, scanning the faces of our large squad of warriors until his eyes find mine.

Something about his gaze grounds me, makes me feel safe.

I allow my mouth to curl into the smallest of smiles to let him know I’m okay.

But he doesn’t look away as he says, “The intel we’ve received from this man is not good. Dr. Tuwile’s men are on the move. They have been kidnapping not just lone travelers and small nomadic groups along The Wall, but targeting established communities too.”

My heart hammers in my chest. Kidnapping.

Targeting. It’s happening again, has been happening all this time.

Doctore will not stop.

This must mean that there are weak spots along The Wall if our communities aren’t safe.

I don’t know how many there are, where they are, but the idea of our allies being taken by Doctore is terrifying.

Amos silences the murmuring voices.

“Since we are the only community in Central Pennsylvania with a direct line of communication to The Wall, I’m putting together four groups of two to go out to our sister communities and warn them about what Dr. Tuwile is up to. If any of you find yourself in the direct path of the Praetorian Guard, kill them. We are not taking hostages.”

His words surprise me.

What surprises me more is that I agree with him.

“Lucas is going to remain here and reinforce the watch around the perimeter. Kelly is with Andrew. Ryan with Olivia. Ben with Kyle. Lori is with me.”

All eyes turn to me as my skin flushes a deep red.

The embarrassment I was expecting to feel at such attention fades away as Amos calls everyone’s attention back to him.

“The rest of you will stay here to guard The Valley. Lucas will assign your duties and stations. Stay vigilant and prepare for the worst.”

“Yes, sir!” the squad shouts in unison.

Amos turns on his heels, Kyle, Olivia, and Andrew following, then Ryan, Ben, and Kelly join behind.

I remain unmoved until Amos looks up at me, tilting his head in invitation to join him as well.

Excitement and fear blend inside me, creating a jittery feeling I can’t quite control.

Amos whispers something to Kyle, who nods his head in understanding.

Then Amos slows his pace, letting me catch up to him.

His hand captures mine and the sharp tinge of fear fades.

“Are you okay, Copperhead? You’ve gone deathly pale.”

I squeeze his hand before saying, “I’m fine. Just my natural coloring.”

Amos stops suddenly, whipping me around to face him.

Those golden eyes are dull with concern.

“It’s okay to not be fine.”

“I…you…are you sure you want me to go with you?”

A chuckle from deep in his throat brightens his golden eyes.

“You’ve been begging me to assign you to a mission for months, Copperhead. Now you doubt yourself?”

“I thought I’d be pilfering for supplies or scouting terrain. I didn’t think you’d let me so close to the action.”

“I asked you to join the fight. If you aren’t ready for this, you don’t have to come with me.”

Amos does his best to convince me with a steady voice and unblinking stare.

I can see how much he wants me with him on this mission.

I want to be by his side too.

I’ve been desperate to be by his side again.

I won’t let him out of my sight.

“No. I want to come. This is just…a lot. It’s an important mission. There are others who are better trained, have more experience. I just want to make sure you are choosing me because I’m the best choice for the job.”

“Lori, I can put you against anyone on that training mat and you’d wipe them across the floor in minutes. You are incredible with any weapon I’ve given you, steady under pressure, and you’ve survived horrors those guys couldn’t even dream up in a nightmare.”

Amos points toward the indoor track where the rest of the squad huddles around Lucas.

As he pulls back his hand, he grasps my chin between his finger and thumb, lifting my face up to look him in the eyes.

“Only part of my decision was for selfish reasons. I missed you. I need you with me on this mission.”

His thumb lightly brushes my lower lip as he lets go of my face and I immediately need that hand back on my skin.

But I push the urge down and say, “Then I’m with you.”

After Amos gives instructions to the other pairs, we make our way to the parking lot where Anna and Jeremy are filling up four cars with clothes, food, and other supplies.

My mom is there too, nervously pacing back and forth.

When she sees me approach, she runs to me, throwing her arms around my shoulders.

“I know I can’t stop you. Your father could never resist the need to help others in peril. Just promise me you will not do anything foolish,” my mom says against the side of my skull.

“I’ll be back in no time,” I promise.

“I love you, Mom.”

“Love you, too, my sweet girl.”

Amos guides me into a red Honda CRV, the same car he’d rescued me in.

I wonder if my blood still stains the back seat as I buckle myself into the front passenger seat.

It’s hard to tell as the interior seats are black leather.

Amos slides into the driver’s seat, backs us out of the parking spot, and drives up to the gate.

As the others line up behind us, the gate opens, and we are off.

To where? I don’t know.

Amos only gave the instructions for the other pairs.

He didn’t say where we were going to.

So I ask him, not that I’d know where anything is.

I grew up in New Jersey.

Before Amos rescued me, I’d never been this far into Pennsylvania.

I’d only ever driven through it with my family for trips to D.C.

and Gettysburg.

“Lancaster. There’s a small community that’s been built around an old manor house. We should be there in about an hour, depending on the state of the roads.”

I nod my head, staring out the window as I prepare myself for whatever awaits us.

Zombies. Doctore’s Praetorian Guard.

Fallen trees on the road.

I know I’m ready, but I can’t shake the anxiety that causes my leg to bounce uncontrollably.

Amos’ large, warm hand slides onto my thigh, giving it a squeeze and calming it down to a slow bounce.

I take a deep breath and look up at his face, which is focused on the road ahead.

“Tell me something about yourself.”

He laughs, stealing a glance my way before saying, “You know more about me than any living person. What else do you want to know?”

“Anything you want to tell me.”

Amos’ hand slips away from my thigh, leaving it cold and lonely.

He’s silent for so long I start to think he doesn’t want to play the get-to-know-each-other-better game.

As I turn my head back to the window, he says, “The first time I went out to scavenge, I was looking for medicine for my mom. She was not doing well. I was desperate to find something, anything, that would ease her pain. I had already given up on saving her. I drove to one of the nearby hospitals, a small one that wasn’t swarming with biters. We didn’t have much at The Valley then. Our weapons supply was non-existent. I went into that building with nothing. I was fucking terrified. But my will to help my mom was stronger than my fear.”

“I don’t know if I could have gone into a building possibly infested with zombies all alone. I’d have pissed myself.”

“Nah, you’da done it. You would have been braver than me.” Amos pauses before continuing.

“I did run into biters. The freshies, as you call them. Fortunately, they didn’t see me because they were busy feasting on a group of survivors.”

Amos’ voice breaks as he holds back the pain of reliving such a horrible memory.

“They were still alive, screaming for someone to help them, and I ran in the other direction like a coward.”

“Amos, there’s nothing you could have done.” And there’s nothing I can say to convince him otherwise, but I try anyway.

“One bite is all they need to turn you. One bite and you’re dead. Well, unless you’re me. But, Amos, they were already dead. If you had tried to end their suffering, you would have died.”

“I know. But I’m still ashamed that I ran away. That I couldn’t even comfort them in their death.”

I think about the orphans at the bunker, the ones I would sneak food to.

The ones Doctore had turned into flesh-eating monsters to rip me apart in the arena.

“This world is cruel. I used to believe the only way to survive it was to accept its cruelty and find a way around it. But I was wrong. There’s a better way to survive.”

Amos’ eyes meet mine as he takes his eyes off the road for a second.

“And what is that better way?”

“You. And the others at The Valley are the better way. Surviving together. Fighting together. Helping those in need. If we want to save humanity, we have to save what’s left of it in ourselves first. It’s not just about surviving, it’s about living. You did the right thing when you chose to live because you are making a difference now. You are saving lives now. You saved me.”

A single tear falls from Amos’ eyes and he doesn’t try to hide it.

He reaches out for me and I grasp his hand in mine, bringing it to my lips.

When I drop our hands on my lap, Amos lets out a deep breath, then clears his throat.

“Can you tell me about Jonah?” Amos asks, keeping his gaze fixed on the road ahead.

The question catches me off guard, but I answer with, “That’s a bit of a layered question. What exactly do you want to know?”

“Do you still love him?” Amos’ voice cracks a bit, as if he’s terrified of my answer.

“Because if you do, if you aren’t ready to move on yet, I understand. I’ll keep waiting. For as long as it takes.”

My heart clenches.

We haven’t really talked about us.

About that kiss. About what that kiss means.

“No,” I answer, squeezing Amos’ hand as I keep it in my lap.

“I once thought he was my end game and maybe if this world didn’t turn him into a mindless, heartless soldier, I would still hold on to that love. It’s not there anymore.”

Amos breathes a sigh of relief.

“Kissing you…I’ve thought of little else since that day. If I’m completely honest, I’ve wanted to kiss you since the day I brought you to The Valley. I can’t explain this need. But I need you, Lori. I will take anything you are ready for. And if that’s just friendship, you have it. I’m yours.”

“Your friendship means more to me than you’ll ever know, Amos,” I say as my heart races inside my chest. “Without you, I would still be broken. You’ve mended my heart, my courage, everything that I couldn’t mend myself.”

“So you just want to be friends then?” Amos says in defeat, refusing to look at me.

“Shut up and listen, Amos, because that’s not what I’m saying. I kissed you . Do you not remember my own need that day? I need you too. I just wish I had gotten the courage to show you months ago. I want your friendship, but I also want more of you. I’m yours,” I say, using his own words to make my point.

Amos answers with a smile that makes me catch my breath.

Then he lifts my hand to his mouth, kissing the sensitive skin in the middle of my wrist. I feel that kiss all over my body as it settles between my thighs.

Amos smiles again, this one full of mischief, as if he knows just how much that not-so-innocent kiss has affected me.

We fall into a comfortable silence, his hand clasped in mine, our bodies humming.

I find myself daydreaming about when I’ll have this man to myself back at The Valley.

All the things I want to do to him.

The images I conjure are interrupted as I spot an overturned car on the road.

Smoke fuming from under the hood.

Amos slows down as we approach the accident.

It must have happened recently, an hour ago maybe.

Ensuring the doors are locked, Amos drives slowly around the vehicle, attempting to examine the scene from the safety of our car.

“I know this car. It’s one from The Manor House community I told you about. We might be too late in warning them.”