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“Is this really what patrolling is all about?” I ask Olivia.

Amos finally assigned me patrol duty, looking for feminine hygiene products.

Freaking lame. I expected…

well honestly, I don’t know what I expected, just not this.

It makes me think of the times Jonah and I would raid our neighbor’s houses, which was an essential part of our survival.

So I get it.

Olivia has driven us to at least a dozen different pharmacies and stores in search of menstrual cups, pads, and tampons.

Nearly every one of these places had a huge supply.

Perhaps feminine hygiene is the last thing on everyone’s mind when they are being chased by flesh-eating monsters.

But it has been nice to have these supplies available at The Valley.

In the bunker, we had to use reusable cloths, which were eco-friendly but very difficult to maintain.

“For today,” Olivia responds.

“We are going to hit up one more place, then head back before it gets dark.”

“Okay,” I sigh.

Am I really craving action?

I should have had enough.

Or maybe I just want to find something I can punch to a pulp.

The last place we stop is at a CVS that looks untouched for the most part.

Olivia had explained that most of the nearby towns evacuated so quickly there was no time for looting.

So our job of looting is that much easier.

The only thing we really have to worry about out here is the stray deadie or two.

We hop out of the car and cautiously walk into the already open doors of the pharmacy.

Once inside, we bang on the inside of the door and run for cover under the registers.

A strategic move I learned quickly today, which lets us know if there are any zombies inside.

They hear a noise and it’s like flies to a light.

Nothing comes out from within the store after five minutes, so Olivia and I head for the feminine hygiene section.

Like with all the other stores, it’s fully stocked.

As Olivia fills our basket, I browse the sexual wellness section.

Condoms would be a good thing to have in stock, not that I’m planning on using them.

I grab a few boxes, then pause when I see a vibrator.

What kind of CVS is this?

In the middle of Pennsylvania, of all places.

They sell—or sold—personal stimulators.

I can’t help myself.

My hand moves on its own to pick one up.

I’ve never used a vibrator, being a teen with very little sexual experience when the world ended.

And the bunker sure didn’t have any in stock.

It’s heavier than I expected, more solid.

My finger slides down a button and it vibrates.

Loud. Olivia reacts to the sound, ready for a fight.

But when she sees the cause of the noise, she snorts with laughter.

Laughter that is cut short when a deadie appears around the corner of the aisle.

Shit. Behind me, Olivia drops her basket gently and reaches for her weapon.

But the deadie has me on his radar, attracted to the sound of the vibrator in my hand.

So I give the vibrator to it, shoving the curved end right into its cloudy, gooey eye.

With one more shove, the vibrator reaches the zombie’s brain, putting it out of its misery.

“Did you just off a biter with a fucking vibrator?” Olivia whispers, careful to keep her cool in case there are others hiding in the dark store.

I simply smile back before grabbing a few more vibrators.

Even if the batteries eventually run out, it still looks like a fun toy to play with.

The next day at lunch, I’m sitting with Cal and Mina in the cafeteria.

They cannot get over the vibrator story.

I hadn’t even been the one to tell it.

Olivia has been going around telling literally everyone.

It’s a little embarrassing, even if they all think it’s badass.

“Can we talk about something else, please?” I beg Cal.

“Okay, okay. But you will now be known as vibrator girl.”

The three of us cackle at that.

In this moment, I feel oddly normal.

I don’t come with any baggage.

My mind is fully sane.

I don’t have a mutation that makes me immune to zombie bites.

I don’t have some kind of inhuman power to heal incredibly fast. I’m just Lori.

“What are you three laughing about?”

And there goes my happy moment.

Katie sits down at our table as if she still belongs in our little roommate club.

Cal and Mina’s faces go rigid with vile hate.

If those faces were directed at me, I’d be terrified.

Katie brushes it off, flicking her hair back as she turns to me.

“I heard you went on the tampon run with Olivia yesterday. Fun.” The sarcasm in Katie’s voice is obvious.

What’s not so obvious is the venom behind it.

“What the fuck to do you want, Katie?” Mina asks, trying to move Katie’s attention from me.

It doesn’t work.

“I just want to hear all about this story everyone is talking about. How Lori killed a biter with a vibrator? So original. I bet Amos is so proud of you.”

“Get over it, Katie.” Cal looks as if they are about to leap out of their seat.

Both Cal and Mina look more pissed than I feel.

It puts a smile on my face to know I have loyal friends.

Unconditional friends.

All because we got paired together in a dorm room.

Katie doesn’t even look at my friends though.

Her eyes are fixed on mine.

“I used to be on tampon duty. It was the easiest patrol run. Is that why Amos assigned you to the task?”

“What does that mean?” I ask, feeling myself deflate.

“Don’t listen to her, Lori,” Cal says.

“She’s trying to bait you.”

“It means,” Katie drawls.

“Amos doesn’t think you are up for the big fight. He thinks you’re weak. Just a silly girl killing biters with vibrators. Hilarious. I bet he keeps you at an arm’s length too, just like with me.”

“What do you mean, just like with you?” Mina snorts.

“Amos never even looked your way.”

“Not after she showed up. And now Amos is using Lori just like he used me.” Katie’s anger is so vapid and crazy, but some of the words she says fuel my own kind of crazy anger.

I’m teenage Lori again, letting Lexi’s mean words get to me.

Doubt settles in and I know that’s what Katie is trying to do, but she’s right.

I am weak. I am the tampon and vibrator girl.

That’s what Amos thinks of me.

I stand up, ignoring Cal and Mina’s protests as I storm out of the cafeteria.

In a whirlwind, I find myself back in my dorm room as Amos is about to head out.

We nearly collide with each other, but I use the momentum to push him back into the living area.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” I yell at him, pushing him over and over until he’s against a wall.

He doesn’t fight back, doesn’t even try to stop me.

“Lori, what are you talking about?” The confusion on his face infuriates me for some reason.

“You think I’m weak?”

“No. Lori, where is this coming from?”

“Have you been lying to me, Amos? Because if I find out that you have, that I’m just here for your amusement…I can’t…” Words.

I can’t find the right words because what I’m saying is nonsense fuelled by irrational anger.

Instead of finding better words, I push against Amos’ chest again.

This time, he holds my hands in place.

“Lori, I don’t know what brought on this outburst, but you know I would never lie to you. I care about you. I…” Amos looks away, as if words have also escaped him.

“What about Katie? She said you are toying with me like you used to do to her. What did she mean by that?”

“Katie. This is about Katie?” Amos laughs, not in a mocking way but as if he’s relieved by my crazy thoughts.

“The most I’ve ever spoken to Katie was that night she locked you in your room.”

“But she said—”

“Whatever she said,” Amos says, “was a lie. She wanted to rile you up. You let her win.”

“So you do think I’m weak.” The words come out as a statement, not a question.

I try to pull my hands from Amos’ chest, but he holds them tight, unwilling to let go.

“Never once have I thought you weak. Never. Lori, you are the strongest person I’ve ever met. You know that. You killed a biter with a vibrator. Fucking badass.” His smile lights a flame of sanity, bringing me out of the cloudy anger Katie so easily put me in.

How did she get me so angry so fast?

Amos. She was trying to get me jealous and yeah, it worked.

“What are you thinking about, Copperhead.” Amos’ playful voice makes me want to do bad things.

But I can’t. He’s my friend.

My trainer. My roommate.

He might care about me.

He might flirt with me.

That doesn’t mean he wants me.

I think that’s what Katie was trying to unplug inside me.

If that’s true, then she’s smarter than anyone gives her credit for.

“I wish I could hate you. It would make everything so much easier,” I mutter.

“Hate me? Why do you want to hate me?” Amos releases my hands as he looks deep into my eyes, trying to figure me out while giving me the space I need.

Instead of letting my hands fall to my side, I lightly grip Amos’ shirt.

Fuck it. I launch myself up, smashing my lips against his.

An instant later, Amos’ hands are on my ass, hoisting me up to wrap my legs around his waist. He kisses me back with a hunger that makes me want to give myself to him to feast on.

I yelp as he spins with me still in his arms, walking us to his bedroom.

My back hits a wall before he breaks our kiss.

I try to pull him back to me, but he stops me.

“Lori, I need to know that you want this, that you want me before we go any further. Because if we do this, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”

I reach for the door, slam it shut, and turn the bolt.

Taking my cue, Amos resumes devouring my lips and tongue while walking us over to the bed.

He gently lays me down, moving his kisses to my throat, my collarbone, the peaks of my breasts through my shirt, torturing me as he makes his way down past my belly button.

There are no words for how much I need this man right now.

No words for how turned on I am that this strong, powerful, gorgeous man is kneeling before me as if he worships the very air I breathe.

Breath I hold in as I watch his fingers unloop the button on my gaucho jeans.

Breath I let out when he pulls the zipper of my jeans down with one hand and with his other hand, slides up my t-shirt.

Since I’m not wearing a bra, Amos has full access to my breasts.

And he uses his access well, swirling the tip of my nipple with his thumb as he places feather-light kisses on my stomach.

The sensation has me reeling.

Never have I felt so much.

Yet somehow, I need more.

I want to explode from this feeling.

Just when I am about to burst into a euphoric oblivion, a loud, frantic knock pounds through my ears, bringing me back to myself.

Amos ignores the sounds, shifting his hand to my other breast. My body tries to release itself from my brain to fall back into that euphoria, but my mind is now occupied with the insistent knocking.

“Amos,” I whisper anxiously.

“Go away,” Amos shouts at the door.

“Can’t do that, sir. You are needed for an emergency meeting of leadership,” Kyle responds in his best soldier boy voice.

“Fuck.” Amos’ hand is still latched to my breast, unwilling to let go.

I don’t want him to let go either.

I place my hand over his, pushing it harder into me.

With more desperation in his voice, Amos says again, “Fuck.”

Kyle knocks again.

“Is everything okay, Amos?”

“Yeah, Kyle. Just give me a minute,” Amos shouts toward the door.

When he turns back toward me, his face is full of longing.

He wants this as much as I do, but duty calls him away.

“You were close, weren’t you? I could feel it. If you need the release, I can get you there in a few minutes. But that’s not enough time for me to do everything I want to do to you.”

“Wow, so confident in your skills, huh?” I giggle, then sit up to straighten my shirt.

“I do need the release. I’d rather do the everything with you though.”

A devilish smile curls a corner of Amos’ mouth.

As I lean in to kiss that smirk, Amos zips up my jeans, securing the button using only one hand.

When he stands up, he has to straighten himself out.

Kyle knocks again, shifting Amos’ composure to stiff anger.

“We’re coming. Fuck off, Kyle.”

“We?” Kyle’s voice from the other side of the door sounds confused.

Amos grabs my hand, pulling me against his body for another kiss.

This one tender and sweet.

“I’m not done with you yet, Copperhead.”

I simply smile back and let him guide me to the door.

When he pulls the door open, Kyle’s confusion turns to shock before melting into an all-knowing smile.

“I fucking knew it.”

“Knew what?” I ask innocently.

“That you two were fucking.”

Amos punches Kyle in the shoulder, hard.

“We are not fucking thanks to you interrupting.”

“Ow, man. Sorry. Jeremy asked me to fetch you. There’s been a message from The Wall. About Dr. Tuwile.”

“Let’s go then.” Amos attempts to bring me along, but Kyle stops him.

“Leadership only, Amos.” There’s a warning behind his voice I don’t quite understand.

“I don’t care. Lori comes with me. If the other leaders have a problem with that, then they can tell me.”

Kyle backs away with his hands up as Amos pushes us forward.