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Silence. That is all I hear as I approach the arena, walking somberly through a dim tunnel.

There’s a light at the end, but not one of hope.

As I take a step into the sunlight, I breathe in the fresh air.

After years of being held captive, I relish every second I’m allowed on the outside.

Even if my time is spent fighting for my life.

One more step and I’m surrounded in the light of the blazing sun, my bare feet sinking into the arena floor.

Where there was once green grass, there is now dry, rusty sand, meant to look like the sandy fighting grounds of the mighty Roman gladiators.

Though the stands are filled with cheering people, there is nothing but silence piercing my ears.

My mind and body have become numb to this routine, as if I have the ability to escape from my damaged body and become a temporary ethereal being, watching myself face death for the hundredth time.

Today, I will finally let myself die.

I will no longer be the entertainment.

I will no longer be his experiment.

There is nothing left inside of me to fight for.

Everyone I’ve loved is likely dead, or worse.

I had hoped that I’d see them again.

Spent years hoping I’d find a way out.

Now I know. The only way out is through death.

When I think of my friends and family, it feels like I’m remembering faces from another lifetime.

Have I felt love in this life?

Was there ever such a thing as pizza?

Did I have a mom? A dad?

Did I fall in love? As much as I try to recall all these memories, they still fade away as if I had simply dreamed them.

Everything I was in that past life no longer matters.

Everything I am in this life is not who I want to be.

I don’t want to be here anymore.

I don’t want to know what other horrors this life will bring.

Even if I believed my loved ones were still alive out there, somewhere, how could I ever hope to find them?

It is better to believe they are dead.

There is no way they could have survived this horrific world.

If they have, they will die soon.

Or Doctore will find them, a fate worse than death.

I cannot go back to my past life, so I must escape this one.

Perhaps a better life awaits me in the next.

A life where needles aren’t shoved in my veins every day.

A life where the sun greets me with warmth and not icy dread.

A life that brings laughter to my heart instead of fear.

If that’s even possible, since the world has ended.

I allow myself to feel for five seconds, to remember a time when I felt love, joy, and hope, even if these feelings are from another lifetime.

These few seconds give me all the courage I need to face this fight.

To let myself die.

Pulling myself back to my body, I take a breath, and walk toward the middle of the blood-caked sand.

As I reach the middle of the arena, my eyes lock on his.

Doctore. His lips curl into an evil smile as he stares back at me with soulless eyes.

My only regret is that I will die before killing you , I think to myself.