Page 26

Of course Amos is waiting for me at the door to my dorm.

He looks furious. Like I’m not?

I ignore him, pushing past his hulking figure and sprint through the door.

He’s hot on my heels, following me through the living area.

But I don’t let him in my room.

No. I close the door right on his face and lock it.

“Open the door, Lori.” Amos’ voice is husky and raw.

I nearly give in right away.

“I’m sorry I pushed you too hard today.”

“Are you?” I whisper shout back, not wanting to wake Cal and Mina.

“Lori, open the door.” A thump from the other side tells me he’s fallen against the door or hit it with his fists.

Not aggressively. “Please.”

My hand reaches out on its own and unbolts the lock.

I turn and collapse on my bed before he gently opens the door, closing it quietly behind him.

He hesitates for a moment, looking at my curled up form on the bed, then joins me, keeping his distance by sitting on the other side.

“I’m really sorry, Lori. I don’t know what came over me.”

“You turned into a freaking psycho.” I somehow manage to keep my voice calm.

“Yeah, I did. I don’t really have an explanation for it.” Amos has the decency to look ashamed, which definitely helps his case.

“You better try.”

Amos looks out the window, leaving us in silence for a while.

I can’t help but stare at his beautifully chiseled jaw pulsing as he thinks about what to say to me.

Those golden eyes have gone a bit dull in this pensive state.

When they meet my gaze, the gold flecks shimmer back to their alluring brilliance.

“I wanted to be a musician in a traveling orchestra. That had been my dream all my life. After playing in Broadway pit bands for a few years, I completed my masters. Then my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She didn’t have family here, as she had left them all in India to start a new life in America when she was young. So I quit my job and moved back to Pennsylvania. Luckily got a job at this college. A steady job that allowed me to take care of her. Chemo was rough. After a year, her hair grew back, and she was starting to live again. That’s when the outbreak happened. I brought her to campus as we were fortifying the area. She thrived for a few months, but without the meds she needed, the cancer came back. She died before we had the campus completely secured, so she couldn’t go outside.”

“I’m so sorry, Amos.” I want to give him a hug, but I can tell there is more he wants to share with me.

“My mom was all I had left of life from the before. When she died, I threw everything I had at this place. Determined to make it a safe haven. Building a secure perimeter. Training the survivors inside to defend themselves. So yes, I’ve trained others, not just you. It’s been a while since I…cared this much about some…one.”

Amos looks away, gazing out the window again.

I’m not sure if he’s talking about me or remembering his mother.

I know he cares, but in what way?

I keep my thoughts to myself, waiting for him to finish his explanation.

“Lori, you are the hope I’ve been looking for these past few years. You are the one who can save us from this nightmare.”

I pull my knees in tighter as I say, “I know you think my DNA holds a key to saving the world but—”

“No. Your strength is what I am talking about. Your will to fight. Even that day in the arena when you gave in, you went out fighting. You nearly killed Dr. Tuwile.”

“So he’s not dead?” Dread consumes my heart at the thought of Doctore still alive, performing more experiments, brainwashing other prospective soldiers to his cause.

“According to my sources, he survived. But is still recovering.” Amos gives me some time to process this information before saying, “I won’t force you to join this fight. I want you to have a choice. No matter what, I still expect you to be at the gym four times a week, at least, like everyone else. If you want to help me take down Dr. Tuwile, I would welcome your help.”

“Why do you need me to train? If I already have the strength to fight, why is that so important?” I feel frustration gnawing at my fingers.

“You still haven’t explained why you pushed my body to the limit this morning.”

“I don’t really know how to explain that. I…I keep remembering your broken body. It’s a vision that haunts me. I thought…if you were stronger, that would never happen to you again. It’s irrational, and it doesn’t make up for what I did to you. I’m sorry.”

I place my hand over Amos’, which is clenching the blanket on my bed.

“It’s not okay. But I forgive you.”

Amos takes in a strangled breath.

When he exhales, I can feel his tension loosening with it.

“I would like you to train with the patrol teams too. That is, if you want to help us take down Dr. Tuwile.”

“Of course I want to take him down. Sign me up! I will take fighting over being a lab rat any day.” I perk up, eager to finally do something instead of twiddling my thumbs and waiting for an opportunity.

“You will still need to take some tests, Lori. I cannot change Norman’s mind on that. But I promise you will not be a lab rat.”

Another promise.

Should I trust it? My heart says yes.

But my brain is remembering all the times I was ripped apart, cut into, probed, and worse.

Memories I wish I could erase.

Those four years of my life were nothing but endless torture.

“And you must continue to see Alison. I know yesterday was rough. You don’t have to open up all the way, but please let her help you. Okay?”

I mentally check the boxes off for my conditions to being free.

DNA and other testing, but not a lab rat.

Check.

Training to join a patrol team hunting for Dr. Tuwile.

Check.

Daily therapy sessions to stay sane.

Check.

I can do this.

Fight. Survive. Live.

I must do this.

After Amos leaves, I take a shower, scrubbing the dried sweat from my skin.

My conversation with Amos replays in my mind over and over again.

He wants me because of my strength.

Not because I have some superhuman strength.

I don’t even know how strong I actually am.

When Amos was pushing me at the gym, I thought he was testing me, seeing how much my body could take.

But it was more than that.

If I believe him.

He’s difficult to read.

Amos. The man who saved me from a lifetime of death and dismemberment.

He can be playful and light, but then it’s like something flips inside him, turning him serious and ferocious.

I want to hate Amos for this side of him, and yet I don’t.

When I’m around him, even today when he pissed me off, I feel safe.

I know he would never hurt me.

Maybe it’s that naive part of me I thought had died in the bunker.

If it is naive to think that Amos cares about me, in whatever way that means for him, I don’t give a shit.

I need people to have my back, to give me a reason to keep going, and to offer me more.

Amos has given me that reason.

And though I have conditions for staying here, so does everyone else.

I no longer live in a world where I can hop in the car to pick up frozen samosas at ShopRite or open an app on my phone to order Doner kebab.

In this new fucked up world, humans have to work together in order to survive and thrive.

That’s what they are doing here at The Valley.

I need to find my mom after my session with Alison today.

I need to tell her I’m ready for testing.

At least some of it.

I need answers just as much as Norman does.

Even if it is scary, I have a support system here.

And I know they will be with me every step of the way.

I find my mom at the health center turned hospital, sitting outside on the terrace.

The early fall wind is already chilling my bones through the knit sweater I threw on over a pair of yoga pants.

One of the few seasonally appropriate outfits I have in my closet.

When my mom sees me approaching, she hops up and runs downstairs to greet me.

“How did you know I was thinking about you?” she asks as she pulls me in for a warm hug.

“Well, that’s funny, because I was thinking about you.” The smile on my mom’s face wipes away the rest of the unease I’ve been feeling since I had made up my mind earlier.

“Do you have time to talk?”

“Do you want to sit up on the terrace or go somewhere else?”

“Maybe we could just walk around? It’s a little too chilly to sit outside. I need to move my body.”

My mom prods the knitted holes in my sweater, saying, “No wonder you’re cold. This is barely a sweater.”

“It’s all I have.” I shrug as my mom continues to examine my outfit.

“Let’s go find Anna. She will surely allow you to go through the selection of clothing Amos’ patrols have collected over the years.”

My mom’s words make me realize I don’t quite understand how everything works at The Valley.

I have to get permission to “shop” for clothes?

This opens up a new line of questions I want to ask my mom, pushing my previous thoughts to the side.

“Anna is one of the leaders, right? Like you.”

“Yes.” My mom slides her arm through mine as she guides me across the street in front of the health center.

We walk down the path leading around the right side of the football field.

“So she is in charge of…clothes?” That can’t be all she does.

I mean, clothes are important, but there are more important things for a leader to protect.

Did the U.S. government have a department of clothing?

I laugh out loud before I can stop myself.

“That is part of her responsibilities, yes. Think of her as the Director of Human Resources. She coordinates with Amos to make sure we have enough supplies for the residents here. Clothing, first aid, toiletries, and such. Everything stocked in your dorm is arranged by her. But because your move from the health center was sudden, she didn’t have a lot of time to go through the clothing racks.”

As we walk along the path, I get a good view of the field hockey field where there are cows, sheep, and pigs living in harmony together.

I point to the field and ask, “Who’s in charge of them?”

“Jeremy. He was a chef before, a farm-to-table chef. So he knows a lot about food, how to grow it, raise it, cook it. The perfect fit for the job.” My mom smiles at her wit in describing The Valley as one big business venture.

And I guess it sort of is.

The Valley is in the business of keeping humans alive.

“Amos seems to be a military leader of sorts,” I guess.

“Training warriors, organizing patrol squads, and leading missions.”

“Right on the money there. Amos is our general. Though he has no military experience, Amos is a natural leader. The men and women who have joined his ranks listen to him without question. And the other leaders respect him, even though he is young and inexperienced. Though how can one have experience with an apocalypse?”

My mom takes a moment to breathe as we climb the steps over the train tracks.

“Amos put in a lot of effort to make The Valley what it is today. His patrol units guard the surrounding farmland we use for the crops we can’t grow on campus. He’s even set up trades with nearby communities.”

“There are other survivor communities?” I ask.

“Yes. Not all as big as ours. But there are many communities near The Wall.”

“The Wall. Amos had driven me through The Wall to get here, but I haven’t heard mention of it since.”

“It’s literally a giant wall that surrounds the main highways from Pennsylvania to New Jersey and manned by the U.S. military. They offer us intel and safe passage. In return, we provide them with resources.”

“Do you know if Doctore and his men have access to The Wall?”

My mom stills at the mention of my captor.

“I honestly don’t know, but I hope not.”

I honestly don’t think I want to know.

So I shift our conversation.

“What about Norman? What’s he in charge of?”

“Norman is our Head of Education. He organizes classes and enlists anyone who wishes to share their knowledge. I know he seems rather harsh, but he is a brilliant man and does an amazing job of keeping an important part of our humanity intact.”

I nod, not having any words to give my mother at the moment.

In truth, I’m a bit scared of Norman.

Afraid of how similar to Doctore he could turn out to be.

If they had worked together, I’m sure not everything Norman has done was…

humane.

“Mom?” I pause in the middle of the bridge leading to the residential and educational buildings.

“Yes, Lori.”

“It’s okay. I consent to testing. Maybe not all of it right now and nothing invasive. But if Norman agrees to go slow, I will give him consent.”

My mom grabs my face, forcing me to look at her.

“Lori, are you certain?”

I nod again, not trusting myself to stay strong if I say anything more.

My insides quiver at the thought, but I remind myself that I have my mom.

Mina and Cal. And Amos.

They won’t let anything bad happen to me.

As my mom pulls me in for another one of her warm hugs, I let one tear through the barrier of my eyes.

Just one. The tear feels like ice on my cheek, disappearing as I wipe my face with the back of my hand before my mom can see.

“Let’s go get you some clothes. You’re shivering!”