Page 27

A few weeks later, that checklist has become my new routine.

And honestly, I’m kind of loving life here.

I train with Amos’ patrol units four times a week.

Even on my off days, I still go to the sports center to either workout in the gym with Amos or participate in a yoga class.

After an hour or two at the gym, I shower, then head to Alison for my daily therapy session.

Twice a week after lunch, I head over to the health center, where I meet my mom and Norman for medical analysis.

Sometimes Amos is there for extra moral support.

Today, Norman asked to use an ultrasound machine.

I didn’t realize they had such tech at The Valley, even in the well-equipped health center.

My hesitation makes my mom begin to answer for me, but I interrupt her, giving Norman a sharp nod as I try to conquer my fear.

Norman hums as he examines the screen while moving the lube-coated wand along my abdomen.

The sound of his humming and the uncomfortable movement on my abdomen cause me to feel nauseous.

So I shift my mind to think of something else.

And what comes to mind?

Katie.

My third roommate and I sparred for the first time together earlier today.

It wasn’t the first time I’ve sparred though.

It’s required training for anyone who wants to join a patrol unit because out there, it’s not just zombies we will be fighting.

Every time Amos looked away, Katie would throw an aggressive punch.

Most times, I was able to block her or roll out of the way.

But she was relentless.

I know she hates me.

At first I had no idea why.

But now I’m pretty sure it’s because of how much time I spend with Amos.

It’s not like we are dating or anything close to having a romantic relationship.

Amos is helping me strengthen and tone the muscles in my body that have been ripped and torn to shreds and misused during the four years of my captivity.

Though he can be cold with me, especially on the training mat, I know he cares for me.

Perhaps that is what Katie sees too and is jealous that all she gets from Amos is his coldness.

But she tries too much.

Amos is the kind of guy who enjoys conquest. Katie doesn’t challenge him.

Everyone can see he isn’t interested in her.

Yet she still throws herself at Amos every chance she gets.

Katie landed a punch to my nose, making it crack loud enough to turn Amos’ attention our way.

He didn’t do anything though.

Cold. That’s his only mode at the gym.

And he has to be while training a battalion of zombie killers.

There’s no warmth out in the world, not even from him.

I took the punch like a champ, knowing it would heal in the next few minutes.

Katie seemed to have forgotten that fun fact about me.

I bounced back quickly and had her pinned under my elbow in no time.

Instinctively, I looked up at Amos.

His glacial face melted ever so slightly in approval of my win.

Like Amos, I didn’t show my elation at his distant praise.

A moment later, Amos called us all over in a circle to hand out patrol assignments.

Assignments he didn’t include me in.

Again.

Every time I confronted him about my lack of assignments, he would give me the same answers.

I might know how to fight, but I need to learn how to work in a team.

How to protect my unit.

The world outside is not like the arena I fought in, survived in, probably died in.

Like I don’t know that.

Amos and I might get along, but not when we have this discussion.

I didn’t want a repeat of our weekly fights today, so I just stormed away from him instead.

I’m sure that made Katie smirk to herself.

I roll my eyes at the memory of her going at me like I murdered her cat and sigh when I remember that I’ll have to see her later today because we live together.

“Does that hurt, Laurel?” Norman asks as he continues to press the ultrasound wand along my belly.

“Oh, no. I was just thinking.” My eyes remain glued to the ceiling, not wanting to look at Norman’s focused gaze.

He’s only being kind to me because my mom is there and she would deck him in the face if he hurt me.

“Would you like to know what I found, Laurel?”

No.

Yes. I don’t know. The internal voice in my head says.

On the surface, I simply nod my head.

Norman takes a deep breath before explaining, “The ultrasound detected some scarring in your uterus. A curious find considering your healing ability.”

That is curious.

Looking at me, no one could tell that my limbs and skin had been ripped from my body less than a year ago.

But Doctore made sure to always put me back together again.

For the most part.

“Can you tell what the scarring is from?” I ask hesitantly.

“It doesn’t look too aggressive, perhaps a minor case of endometriosis. But I’d need to do further testing before I could answer that question. Testing that would be rather…invasive.”

I shiver at the word invasive, pulling my knees up to my chest in an act to protect myself.

Then a question pops up in my brain and before I can stop myself, I ask, “Could I get pregnant?”

My mom’s head jerks up and she narrows her eyes at me as if attempting to steal into my brain.

“I wouldn’t say it’s impossible, but that scarring could make it difficult.”

My head won’t stop nodding at Norman’s response.

I didn’t even realize that he had left the room as I fold into myself.

My mom brings me out of my stupor with her own question.

“Are you concerned about becoming pregnant?”

I laugh at her question.

“No. It’s not like anyone would be interested in me knowing what I am.”

“And what are you, Lori?”

“A freak. A lab rat. A mutation.”

“You might be all of those things, but you are so much more. You are a survivor. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are caring. You are goddamn inspiring.”

Before I can disagree, my mom folds me into her arms, squeezing me with all her strength.

Now that I have built up my muscles, I only give her a small squeeze back, not wanting to harm her in case I have super soldier strength.

Even though I don’t, I’m still afraid that I’ll hurt someone if I’m not careful.

“But back to your question,” my mom continues as she pulls out of our embrace.

“We have a supply of IUDs which I know how to…install. Would you like one?”

I don’t hesitate to answer because I never want to get pregnant.

Not with the world the way it is now.

Even though I have no plans on ever having sex again, having a Plan B is always smart.

“Yes.”

“Let’s get you one then, sweetie. And just so you know, if you change your mind, it’s very easy to remove. Okay?”

I nod in understanding, letting her take my hand and guide me to another examination room where I’m assuming the contraceptive merchandise is stored.

By the time I get back to my dorm in the late afternoon, I’m so exhausted I drop onto my bed.

I must have fallen asleep because when I wake up, it’s pitch black outside.

It feels like no time has passed, which means I didn’t have any dreams. Good.

I hate when I dream because it’s never about unicorns and rainbows or endless pizza buffets.

Right on cue, my stomach grumbles, telling me I’ve missed out on dinner.

Hoping that it’s not too late to grab a bite, I roll out of bed and shuffle over to the door.

With my hand on the knob, I give it a jerk to the right, but it doesn’t budge.

In my exhaustion, I hadn’t locked my door, so it should have opened.

Maybe it’s stuck? Though that makes little sense.

I try the lock again, but it isn’t bolted.

What the fuck! I grab hold of the knob and twist as hard as I can, wishing I had that superhuman strength to bust open this goddamn door.

I push. I kick. I slam my whole body into it and still can’t get it to open.

Someone locked me in.

That’s the only explanation.

They imprisoned me here when Amos promised me that would never happen again.

After shouting and banging on the door for what feels like hours, my breathing turns shallow and my vision goes black.

I am falling. Falling into darkness.

And as hard as I’ve fought against the darkness of my mind for years, I can no longer hold it back.

Then I hear banging.

But the sound is muffled.

I can’t see anything around me, making it difficult to figure out where the sound comes from.

My breaths drag heavily against an unseen force, as if I’m underwater and trying to swim to the surface.

But the water doesn’t break.

Fear consumes me again, bringing me back into its dark abyss.

My ears strain to hold on to the sounds of shouting from far away.

A last attempt to ground myself.

When I hear a familiar voice, my body relaxes enough for me to pull myself out of the void inside me.

Warmth. The fast, steady beating of a heart.

Comfort. That is the first thing I feel when my mind steadies itself.

After a few shaky breaths, I can see again.

Amos has his arms wrapped around me as he holds me tight against his chest. I’m curled up in his lap in the goddamn closet.

How the hell did I get here?

What happened?

I must have said that last thought out loud because Amos responds with, “I have been asking you that for the last thirty minutes, Lori. You scared the shit out of me. I’ve never seen someone stuck in what looked like shell shock for so long.”

He pulls me in tighter, as if afraid he’ll lose me.

If I had been stuck inside my mind for much longer, I might not have been able to pull myself out.

I wrap my arms around Amos’ neck, letting him hold me tighter.

This is a place I could spend eternity in.

Amos’ arms. It doesn’t feel real.

This comfort. This safe place.

This…love.

“Am I dreaming?” I whisper against his neck, causing his skin to perform a wave in goosebumps.

“No, Copperhead. You are very much awake,” he says into my hair.

The intimacy of our two bodies pressed together and our mouths touching such sensitive places makes my body shiver.

Assuming the shiver is from being cold, Amos shimmies us out of the closet and places me on the bed, tucking me in under a warm blanket.

“How’s that?”

I mumble an affirmation even though I’m now much colder without the heat of his body under mine.

Before he turns to go, Amos gently caresses my cheek with a calloused hand.

Our eyes lock for a moment.

A moment that feels like infinity.

He quickly turns away from me as if afraid of the infinite possibilities a look like that can grant.

With his back to me, I turn my head to the window to see it’s still dark outside.

I grimace in pain, my stomach groaning in hunger.

How long was I locked in here?

How did I get locked in here?

I open my mouth to ask Amos, but he’s talking to someone else from the doorway of my room.

His voice is low, but menacing.

I would hate to be on the receiving end of that voice.

Sitting up, I attempt to listen to the conversation he’s having.

But I don’t have to try too hard.

Katie screams at Amos.

“You have no right to do that! I have done my duty. Every single day. You cannot take me out of patrol duty.”

“I just did. You will also be moving rooms.”

Katie makes a loud tantrum-like huff before saying, “Why should I move? I was here first.”

Ignoring Katie, Amos calls out for Kyle, who I’m guessing is in the living room.

“Help Katie move what little belongings she has into my room and bring my stuff here.”

My heart hammered in my chest for a second, thinking that Amos meant for Katie to move in with him.

But he’s going to swap rooms with her.

Why? As if sensing my question, Amos turns to look at me, offering a subtle smile.

But he doesn’t offer to explain what the hell is going on.

While his body is half turned in the doorway, I notice the crowd of people in the living room.

Cal and Mina are in their usual spots on the couch.

Anna is leaning against the backside of it.

Katie is pacing back and forth as if attempting to burn a hole in the floor.

When Kyle walks back in with what I’m assuming is Amos’ stuff, I notice my mom.

Our eyes meet and I can see the desperation there.

“Mom?” I say, unable to keep the shakiness out of my voice.

She quickly turns to Amos as if pleading with him.

A slight nod from him supposedly gives my mom permission to cross the barricade of his body.

Amos takes a step back for my mom to enter.

Once she is all the way inside my room, Amos resumes his stance like a secret service agent guarding the president.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” my mom asks as she scoops me in for a hug.

I have no time to respond as she says, “I was so worried about you.”

“What happened?”

My mom sits back against the bed and looks at me as if she is debating on how to respond.

She sighs before saying, “Katie locked you in your room.”

“What?! Why? How? The lock is on the inside.”

Another sigh, this one with a bit of anger attached to it.

“I don’t know how she did it. A chair and some rope were involved. As to the why, I have less of an answer.”

I probably have the answer, but could jealousy really drive her to do this to me?

Did she know how I would react?

She tried hard to break me on the sparring mat today, but didn’t succeed.

I’ll have to give her this one because she broke me mentally.

If Amos wasn’t here to pull me out, I’m not sure I would be here, at least with my mind intact.

I really thought that I was a prisoner again.

This time, I’m not sure where my mind went.

At the bunker, I could always disassociate myself from my surroundings.

It was the only way I was able to get up every day and keep moving.

But what happened tonight?

It’s like my mind couldn’t take it.

I didn’t want to go back to that way of existing.

Taking a strangled breath, I reach out to my mom.

She holds me against her as she lays me down on the bed, wrapping me tight in her maternal embrace.

It’s exactly the medicine I need.