Page 50 of On the Way to You
“Just be careful, okay?” Lily paused, and I imagined her fidgeting with the straps of her backpack like she always did when we were in high school. She was walking to class, and for a moment I had a longing desire to be there with her, to be at the same college as my best friend. “Your first kiss might have been incredible, but your first heartbreak is going to suck — especially if he’s the one to hand it to you.”
“It was just a kiss,” I lied. “I’m fine. If he wants to just be friends, I’m cool with it.”
“And if he wants to make out and take your shirt off?”
I blushed, biting my lower lip. “I mean, I wouldn’t be mad at that, either.”
“I’m sure,” Lily laughed the words. “Okay, go hike the Grand Canyon. I’ll just be here, in Illinois, drowning in homework, studying in the library with the other nerds and wishing I was on a cross-country trip with a boy who kisses like a god.”
“I’ll send a postcard.”
“You better.”
There was another pause, and my heart squeezed. I wondered what it would be like to be there with her, what my life would have been like if I’d had a normal childhood and parents who cared about me. I wondered how the diner was doing, how Tammy was holding up while they filled my position. I even wondered about my parents. Were they going to be able to pay rent? Were they thinking of me at all?
But I knew that answer already.
As if she could read my mind, Lily spoke my thoughts out loud. “Miss you, bestie. You wearing your ring?”
I sighed. “Miss you more. And like you even have to ask.”
“I’ve got mine on, too. I’m with you in spirit. Call me anytime, okay? Even if it’s the middle of the night.”
“I’ll check in again soon,” I promised, and then I ended the call, rolling up my yoga mat and heading back to the room.
It was still dark when I let myself in, but Kalo was wide awake, hopping around my feet as I used the light from my phone to find my way through. I took her for a long walk, my excitement growing as I saw the ridges of the canyon in the distance, but when I tried to wake Emery after we were back, my mood soured instantly.
He was still in bed, covers pulled up over his messy hair, and when I turned on the lights, he groaned.
“Ready to hike, sunshine?” I tried to tease, but he just huffed from under the comforter.
“I don’t want to go.”
I was tempted to roll my eyes, but then I remembered his journal, how he wrote about the days when everything just felt pointless. I’d never experienced it myself, but I imagined it would be an awful feeling. He’d asked me to understand, and I wanted to, I wanted to give him what he needed.
Steeling all the sympathy I could, I sat on the edge of his bed. “It’s really nice outside, and I promise you’ll feel better once you get out of bed. You’re just tired, but—“
He sat upright in a jolt, cutting my words short, especially when his hard eyes connected with mine. They were bloodshot, like he hadn’t slept a wink.
“You’re right, I am tired. Too tired to listen to your sunshiney bullshit. So, if you want to go hiking, go. I’m not leaving this bed.”
My nose flared, eyes tingling, but I sniffed back the thought of crying just as regret slipped over Emery’s face. Clearing my throat, I stood, gathering the backpack he’d bought in Colorado and packing a couple of bottles of water in it along with a few protein bars.
He sighed behind me, flopping back into the bed. “I’m sorry. I just… I can’t today, okay?”
I peered at him over my shoulder, but his eyes were on the ceiling, and even though I was hurt, my heart ached for him. All I wanted was to help, to make everything better, but I knew I couldn’t. The battle was inside his head, and I couldn’t help fight from the outside.
“It’s okay,” I said softly. “Would it be okay if I left Kalo with you, then? It would probably be hard to do a tour with her, and she’s a pretty good cuddle buddy, if you want one.”
Emery didn’t look at me, but he nodded, his eyes still glued to the ceiling as I strapped the bag onto my shoulders.
“I’ll see you later.” And with that, I kissed Kalo’s head and slipped out the door, leaving him alone in the dark room.
I wanted so badly to spend the day with him, to laugh with him, to talk with him… especially about what happened in Colorado. But I couldn’t force him to talk, and I couldn’t force him to be okay. Like Nora said, sometimes I just needed to be patient with him — and this was one of those times.
So, I shook him from my thoughts as I checked with the concierge on which hikes he recommended. Deciding I wanted to do the Skywalk more than anything, I signed up for the Grand Canyon West Tour, and a shuttle scooped me up from the hotel a short half hour later.
I used the time on the shuttle to text Tammy, letting her know I was still alive. I told her I had stories for her and she freaked out, making me promise to call her as soon as I could. Then, I checked my social media, which reminded me again how lame my life back home was when I had a whole ten notifications — most of them from Lily tagging me in memes. When I tucked my phone back in the front pocket of the backpack and looked up as the shuttle pulled to a stop, I gasped.