Page 22 of On the Way to You
“What? Being single?”
He nodded.
“Well, it’s not exactly thebestthing.”
“Are you kidding?” He snapped his journal shut in his lap, sitting up a little straighter. “Being single isliterallythe best thing ever.”
It wasn’t exactly the conversation I’d had in mind, but he was talking, so I took it. Dipping my hand into the beef jerky bag again, I pulled out another nugget, popping it in my mouth.
“Oh, sure. It’s super fun not having someone to kiss, or hold, or share good and bad times with. It would suck so bad to have someone who loved you during the holiday season, or someone who wanted to make you smile every day. Soundsawful.”
Emery snorted. “See, you have it all wrong. Those things you just said, thosefantasies,they’re just that. Your vision of what a relationship should or would be is warped from what it actually is.”
“Mm,” I mused. “Sounds like the pessimistic view of a guy who’d rather have sex with no strings attached, to me.”
“Well, yeah,” he agreed and I laughed, Kalo popping up from where she was hiding behind my seat at the sound. She seemed happy we were talking, too, and she hung her head between us. “That’s part of it. You’re telling me having mind-blowing sex with someone new, someone exciting, whenever you want doesn’t appeal to you?”
My cheeks flushed a deeper shade and I cranked the dial on the air conditioning, giving the wind an extra boost. “I think I’d rather have someone consistent, someone who loved me when he touched me.”
Emery stared at me long enough for me to glance his way and then regret that I did, because he was looking at me like he was a scientist and I was the gunk under the microscope.
“You’re a virgin.”
I scoffed, grabbing my drink and pulling the soda through the straw without breathing for a solid thirty seconds, shaking my head all the while.
“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” he added when I finally put the drink down, both hands finding the steering wheel. My knuckles turned white, and suddenly it wasmewho didn’t want to talk.
“Just because I’ve never had sex before doesn’t mean I’m naive or stupid. I know how relationships work, and I know casual sex must have its perks but… I don’t know. I don’t want to be single forever.”
“Well, you should be,” he said. “Maybe not forever, if you want kids or whatever, I get that. But you should spend time alone. Travel alone. Live alone. You should try new things, figure out if you like them not just because your friend orboyfriend likes them, but becauseyougenuinely do. And you should have casual sex,” he added. “With as many people as you can before you settle down.”
“That sounds unsafe.”
“Condoms and birth control, my Little Penny.”
I scrunched my nose at the reference to my nickname earned at the casino the night before. “You really don’t ever want to fall in love? You don’t want to know what it’s like to have someone care about you so much it literally drives them crazy, and they would do anything to make you happy, and you’d do the same for them?”
“Do you know a single couple in your life who’s actually like that?” he probed, and Kalo tilted her head, as if she was ticking through people she knew just like I was. “Not in movies or books, but actual people. Your parents? Their relationship beautiful and wonderful?”
I swallowed. “Hardly.”
“Okay. What about your grandparents? Aunts, uncles? Teachers? Anyone in your town, any of your friends?”
I thought through the short list, especially since I’d never had a relationship with my dad’s parents and my mom’s parents had both passed away when I was young. Lily’s parents had been happily married once, or so I thought, until they got divorced. They were still cordial with each other, but as her mom had put it,the love had died.Tammy left her ex because he hit her, and Ray was still in love with a woman who never loved him back.
Emery seemed to watch my wheels turning, and though he didn’t smile, I felt the smugness rolling off of him from across the console.
“Okay, well, maybe relationships aren’t supposed to be perfect. But you don’t believe in love at all? Like, not even a little bit?”
He shrugged. “Love is real, of course. I know it exists. I’ve loved a lot of people.”
I looked over at him then, a tinge of something touching the pit of my stomach. Jealousy, maybe? But I wasn’t sure if it was of him, that he’d been in love, or of those who’d been on the receiving end of his.
“But most of it is chemical, Cooper. Lust and endorphins and all that crashing every logical thought for the first six months or so. Then reality sets in, and you realize you actually hate living with that person. Or they want you to change all of a sudden. TheI love you just the way you areturns intoI’d love you more if you got a stable job and a five-year plan.” Emery paused. “It’s almost impossible to find someone who really loves you — the real you — flaws and all. So no, I’m not sure I believe in a one true love or a soul mate. I do believe in loving as many people as you can, and experiencing them in all the ways you can before the chemistry runs out.”
“Is that code forhave a ton of sex?”
“Among other things.”