Page 21 of On Everything
“Yep. It is always available for you, baby. Are you using your own weapon or do you need to look at something?”
“I have a nine on me. It should be cool. Just need some bullets for it.”
“Okay, baby, I got you.”
They continued to make lighthearted conversation as she rang him up for the two boxes of bullets, but I was having trouble shaking my nerves and relaxing. I can admit that my nervousness was accompanied by curiosity. Kind of like that feeling you have standing in line for a roller coaster.
Once they were done with the exchange, Hov walked ahead of me down a hallway that had booths all divided by a thick black wall.
When we made it to the end of the hallway, Hov pulled the curtain on the last booth and stepped to the side to let me in.
I walked in before him, instantly noticing the difference in size of this booth and the ones we had passed. This booth even had a small table sitting in the corner that Hov walked over to before pulling a black gun from his waistband.
“I still don’t understand why we are here, Hov. Those things terrify me. Were you not just in the car with me when I had a panic attack just now?”
“That’s exactly why we are here, mama. I can’t have you scared of guns if you are going to be around me. I have guns everywhere at all times. Shit I have guns under my fuckin’ pillowcases at home.”
“How do we know that I will ever lay on those pillowcases, Hov?”
“Laying on them, screaming in them. All the same.”
“You’re slick at the mouth.”
“And your scary ass is pretty as hell. Now here, take this one.” He held out a gun that he had just loaded with bullets.
“Hold on, no.”
“Yes. Get the gun. I promise I got you.”
“No, wait, I’m scared.”
“Don’t be.”
“I can’t help it. I've never done this before.” I whined like a baby, making Hov get up from his seat.
“Here, hold your hands out in front of you. I got you. I promise.”
My arms were shaking so bad I could barely hold them up how he wanted me to. Once I got adjusted, he turned my hands in the position they needed to be in for him to sit the gun within my fingertips.
“Spread your feet apart.”
He spoke directly into my ear, sending his cool breath down my neck. The way his body felt pressed up against mine made me feel like I could let go of all my strength and he would hold me up.
“Now, just breathe. You and me are going to ease our finger on the trigger and hit that target in front of us. Do you see it?”
My nerves were so bad, all I could do was nod my head up and down to confirm I saw the photo of the outlined human in front of me. Not only was I terrified about holding a gun, but being held by Hov at the same time was making me have feelings I sure as hell didn’t want to feel. Not this early on.
“Where you want to hit it?”
“Umm, I’m not sure.”
“Well, think about it. Where would you shoot an enemy? If someone tried to kidnap you right now and you saw them coming towards you, where would you aim?”
“That’s a silly question, Hov. I don’t know.”
“And that’s a problem, so answer it. How would you defend yourself?”
His voice was stern, so I took him serious, picking out the spot I figured I would try to shoot.
“Umm, the legs.”
“Right or left?”
“Left.”
I answered and Hov moved my arm until he felt it was in the right position.
He squeezed his finger onto mine and sent a bullet from the chamber, vibrating my hand as I screamed.
“Oh my god, oh my god!”
I was screaming both out of fear and the rush I felt.
“You ready to do it again?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Alright, don’t forget your posture. Stand up straight mama.”
He put one hand on my stomach, pushing it in to adjust my posture.
“Alright, go when you're ready.”
I nodded my head.
Pop, pop, pop, pop!
We fired shots back to back to back, and each time the rush got more and more intense inside of my body.
“Now, I’m going to step back. Let you take control.”
“I can’t do this by myself, Hov.”
My eyes widened and he chuckled as he leaned on the table in the corner.
“You got it, mama. Trust me, I’m right here. Now turn around and focus. Pretend I’m right behind you.”
I took a deep breath and then aimed the gun at the poster in front of me. When I had the barrel pointed in the direction of the stomach, I fired off shot after shot, getting more and more comfortable with squeezing the trigger until I was squeezing it and nothing came out.
When I look to Hov, he stood up with a proud look on his face. Hov took the gun from my hand and then set it on the table behind us.
“Now.”
He stood in front of me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“You can come back here whenever you want to shoot to get familiar with a gun. Me being a powerful known nigga makes other nigga sometimes want what I have. I want you to always be able to protect yourself when we’re not together, you understand?”
I nodded my head.
“Can I be honest with you though?”
“Always.”
“It does scare me that you even have to say that, Hov.”
“It should scare you, but that’s why we are here. To get rid of all that fear inside of you. I would rather you know the boogey man may pop out than you not know he’s under your bed.”
Hov leaned down and placed a kiss on my lips, both soft yet firm like he was placing a claim on me in that moment. I was wrapped up so tightly in his arms that the gunshots in the back were only background noises to the way our lips smacked once his lips left mine.
“Now, let’s get you home so you can be rested for tomorrow. We can be in Paris by tomorrow night if you want.”
He grabbed his gun off the table and put it into the back of his waistband before he walked out of the booth.
We went out to his car, and he doubled back inside before he came out and we took off towards my place.
Hov had an old school playlist coming through his speaker and my hand was wrapped in Hov’s across the center console.
We vibed to songs that I hadn’t heard since I was staying at my grandma’s house, like "Juicy Fruit" and "Two Occasions" by The Deele, which was one of her favorite songs to cook to.
I was enjoying the vibes and can admit it was kind of sad once I saw that we were making a stop in front of my building.
“Well, thanks for the ride. Oh, and the lessons.”
“You know I got you anytime. But here is a souvenir for you. I got it when I ran back in the gun range.”
“Hov sat a small black gun on the center console.”
“What's this?”
“Huh? Don't tell me I just gave you shooting lessons and missed step one. This right here is what you call a gun.”
“I know what it is. I slapped him on his arm.”
“But I don't know about this Hov. How do I know I will use it right.”
“Just remember everything I told you. You will be fine. Never know when you may need it.”
I thought about it for a moment, before I ultimately grabbed the gun cautiously, putting it inside my purse.”
“It's on safety now, but flip that switch and it's on.”
“Okay. Thanks for your time. See you later.”
“Of course, see me tomorrow, mama.”
I got out of the car, smiling hard as hell and once I looked back over my shoulder, I saw that Hov’s eyes were following me all the way up to the front door.
God, please let me be making the right decisions when it comes to him. He is starting to make me feel really good inside. A feeling that I've been missing for a long time.