Page 168 of On Edge

Out of the corner of my eyes, I sense my mother coming up behind us. For once, she’s quiet, and when I pull away from Laine to look at her, all she does is wrap her woolen shawl over my shoulders, taking the chill off my bare arms. I’m reminded of the mother she was before dad hurt her so bad, twisting her intothis cold, unfeeling thing. But it’s not enough to soften the words out of her mouth.

“Come on. We’re leaving.”

“No.” I exhale, trying not to shiver. “I’m not going anywhere with you. I’m going with Laine.”

It’s probably the first time I’ve ever stood up to her. Yay for me. But that’s because I’m done. There is no more Nice Sage. She’s gone.

Laine takes a step in front of me and takes my hand, but she doesn’t say anything, for which I’m grateful. This is my fight.

“This family has been embarrassed beyond reason,” my mother says tightly, shooting a look at my friend. “Now you need to get yourself together and come home.”

I give a bitter laugh. “I have no home.”

Because it’s true. I don’t.

I’d started to see Grayfleet as my home. But now I don’t even have that.

After a while of standing there, she gives up and leaves. I stay in the churchyard with Laine, staring at nothing except the leaves at my feet, watching them stick to my dress and satin shoes, and stain me with mud.

Why didn’t he come?

Why did he leave me standing at that altar? But the answer keeps circling back to the same place, that he doesn’t want me. He’s never wanted me, and nothing’s changed. He doesn’t want me the way I want him.

I’m the wrong sister.

And I’ll never be the right one.

Kathy comes at some point and asks what I want to do, while Laine rubs my arms through the woolen shawl as though bringing me back to life.

“I need to get my things.” I turn to Laine. “Can I come to yours after I’m done?”

Laine gives me a gentle smile, as if I might break, and nods. “You don’t even have to ask. Do you want me to come with you to pack?”

I shake my head. This is something I have to do alone. Laine nods as though she understands, but I haven’t updated her on everything yet, or even asked her if she’d done a pregnancy test. When I get back to her house, we’ll have a good debrief.

I tell Laine as much, and then I have to go before I change my mind.

“I’ll take care of her,” Kathy says to Laine and guides me to where Pete is waiting with the car idling. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

I want to tell her that Grayfleet’s not my home anymore. But I don’t have it in me to protest, so I let them drive me to the dock.

The boat ride across the lake is serene and calm, and for once, the rippling water below me when I stare down into its depths doesn’t make me want to throw up. In the distance, Grayfleet towers, still standing, like a nightmare calling me home.

It’s a lot later, I’m sitting in my bedroom, still in my dress, before I realize I’m still wearing his ring. I stare at it until the feeling of needing it off me, thrown into the lake perhaps, takes over. But it won’t budge. It’s like it’s glued to my finger or something. In the bathroom, I lather it in soap and try again, but it’s not coming off, no matter how much I twist and pull. I’m still trying to drag it off when the door opens. I go to tell Kathy, Sam, or whoever it is to go away.

But it’s not any of them.

It’s him.

He steps through in his full wedding attire: a charcoal morning suit so dark it’s almost black, a crisp white shirt that looks as pure as snow, and a bow tie, undone. He looks every inch the handsome groom I never got to have.

I drop my arms by my side, thoroughly defeated.

“You’re late.” My voice is flat. Dead, almost.

“I know,” he says.

“Youknow.”