Page 161 of On Edge

Then all I can think about is how much I wish he hadn’t. And what kind of sister does that make me?

A terrible one, Nell laughs.

A sob tears out of my throat. Her voice isn’t real. It’s never been real. And I hate that I actually prefer the Nell in my head as a replacement for her. And if that wasn’t my sister in that house, and she’s someone else. The hug he gave her told me all I needed to know. That while I was falling for him, letting him fuck me next to a corpse, he was waiting for someone else.

I should have known, it’s not me he wants.

It’s always been her.

Nell was the one they all always preferred; she was the brave one, the interesting one. The risk taker who did things I could only dream of.

And she found him first.

I couldn’t even leave the house, because that’s all I am and ever will be—good, boring, reliable Sage.

My chest twists, and another sob sticks in my throat. I really thought tonight would be different. The way he touched me, the words he’d whispered with a darkness that felt like he knew my soul. Because I have it too. That dark need.

Troy said I was his. But I see it now, it was all a lie. He was using me to find her and get to my father.

God. I’m so stupid.

The tears fall freely now. I don’t try to stop them. The sobs rack my body until I can’t take anymore, until I have to press my hand over my mouth to muffle the sounds.

Tomorrow is my wedding day. It’s supposed to be the happiest time of my life.

Yet I feel…

This is the worst. Everything feels exposed. My body feels bruised, raw, and cut open for the world to see. I have to hide, I have to…

Without thinking, I crawl to the bedroom to the bed, and then slide underneath it where it’s dark and safe.

When I was little, the world felt too big, too scary. I’d hide under my bed where no one could find me. Nell would slide under with me. She would hold my hand and tell me everything would be okay. When I lost her, I thought that safety was gone forever.

But now…

If she’s alive, she never came to find me. She left me to think she was dead while she ran away and hid.

And now she’s with Troy.

The snivels come harder, and I press my face into my arms to muffle them. Okay, that line of thinking doesn’t help. I need to stop, now, before I melt in a puddle of tears like the Wicked Witch of the East.

Opening up my phone, I message the group chat.

Sage:

Tell me something funny

Laine:

I’m a week late

Sage:

That’s not funny, but OMG, that’s huge! Are you preggers?

Laine:

I know, sorry! I haven’t tested yet. I’m a bit scared, to be honest.