Page 167 of On Edge

I stop moving.

“Sage.” My father’s grip on my arm tightens, his finger digging in. “You need to keep walking.”

“But he’s not here.”

“He’s probably just late. Now keep walking. Don’t embarrass me.”

“No.” I start to back away. There’s no point. I don’t need to walk down the aisle to see he’s not coming.

People start to whisper. My mother’s face goes ashen white, and that’s when the officiant clears his throat. “Perhaps we should wait a moment. Start again in a few minutes.”

“Yes. We’ll wait.” My voice sounds so small, not like mine at all. Like the old me, not the new one Troy has bled into existence.

I pull away from my father and retreat to the bride’s room.The whispers grow louder outside, swelling into a chatter that I can hear through the door. And then my mother is standing in the room with me, her brow slightly furrowed. Looking at me like she doesn’t know what to say. My father appears behind her, his jaw clenched so tight I’m surprised his teeth don’t crack.

“Where the fuck is he? Why is he embarrassing us like this?”

But I have nothing to say to him.

I’m sitting there in my white dress, holding my bouquet limply in my hands, knowing that he’s not coming.

“Sage.” The officiant’s voice is gentle as he steps into the small room, making it feel smaller, as airless as a crypt. “Perhaps we should?—”

“He’s not coming.” The words taste like dead things.

“There’s probably an explanation,” my mother starts.

But there isn’t. Not one I want to hear anyway, because the explanation is simple—he doesn’t want me.

He told me to leave when I first arrived at Grayfleet and tried to get me to go, but I wouldn’t. And then I begged him to use me. I literally offered myself to him on a plate and let him take me, fuck me, and open up parts of me I’ve always been afraid of.

And he took it all.

And then he decided it wasn’t enough.

ThatIwasn’t enough.

“I n-need to go.” My voice splinters. “Excuse me.”

I push through my parents, the bouquet falling from my cold fingers as I hurry past pitying faces, out of the church, through the side door, and into the light.Then I stand there in the church’s graveyard, feeling the sun on my face, hearing birds sing, and trying to remember how to breathe.

It’s actually a lovely day.

But the sun doesn’t warm me. And the birds don’t make me smile.

I don’t know how long I stand there.

People filter out around me. I can hear car doors shutting, engines starting. The church empties of everyone who came to witness one of the most eligible bachelors get married off, but instead had a front row to my humiliation.

Laine’s jasmine scent is in my nose before I see her. She comes up beside me. Tears prick my eyes as her arms come around me, and she hugs me. I go limp in her hold, smothering my face in her not-so-soft polyester dress that’s most likely made from recycled beer cans, but it makes me love her all the more for it.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner. They wouldn’t let me in to see you,” she says, stroking my hair with a sigh.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. What a shit show. Fuck that man, you’re coming back to mine after this.”

I nod, that’s all I can do.