Page 7 of On a Midnight Clear

And she’d been right. He used to hold Ava all the time, but he’d stopped after Elsa died.

He hadn’t wanted to hold anyone. He felt terrible for robbing his children of his affection.

It wasn’t right, but it had been so hard to allow such feelings without coming close to a complete breakdown.

Vincent knew if that happened, it would cause far more harm than good.

Still, Elsa had hugged them all the time and held them too.

Even Benjamin would seek her comfort. Angel pointed out the sorry truth that when Elsa died, they had lost more than their mother.

Vincent was determined to change that. He would be a better father to them and see to it that they had hugs and that he held Ava when she needed to be held.

“Papa! Papa!”

It was Ava. Vincent went to the door of the barn and looked out. “What’s that hollering about?” he asked, smiling.

“The cookies are done. We put frosting on them, and I ate the first one. We made the cookies with carrots in them.”

“Did you like it?” He wondered if Angel had used Granny’s recipe. Oh, it had been so long since he’d had one of his grandmother’s cookies.

“I did. They’re really good. Even Benjamin likes them.”

Vincent laughed and scooped Ava up in his arms.

She looked surprised momentarily and then wrapped her arms around his neck. “I bet you’ll like them too.” The wind picked up, and Ava buried her face against his neck.

Carrying her to the house, Vincent realized how much he’d missed this. There was nothing quite like carrying your child and having them snuggle against you.

He opened the door into the house, and the aroma of carrot cookies immediately filled his head.

The smell reminded him of childhood and Granny’s cooking.

A lot of what Angel made for them was reminiscent of Granny’s meals.

And why not? Angel had spent a great deal of time with Granny after her mother died.

Granny had taught her far more than her mama had time to teach.

“I heard there were carrot cookies to be had,” Vincent said, looking down at his son. Benjamin had a half-eaten cookie in one hand and a glass of milk in the other.

“These are really good, Pa.”

“I’m sure they are. If I’m not mistaken, these are the same kind of cookies my granny makes.”

“You aren’t mistaken,” Angel said, coming from the pantry. “They’re one and the same. Ava was a bit concerned that putting carrots in the cookies would make them taste bad, but she changed her mind.”

“I did,” Ava admitted. “Angel told me that carrots are sweet and perfect for cookies, and I think she’s right.”

Vincent put Ava down and took up a cookie.

He popped the entire thing in his mouth and began to chew.

Memories flooded back of times he’d snuck into Granny’s kitchen to snag freshly baked treats.

Having Angel here was almost like having Granny in the sense of comfort she offered.

Granny had been smart to send Angel. She had known what Vincent and his children needed even if he hadn’t.

“Mmm.” He swallowed and smiled at Angel. “Perfection. Tastes just like Granny used to make. One day we’re gonna have to take a trip back to Granny’s farm. You children need to meet her. She’s really very special. My grandfather is too.”

“Would we get to ride the train?” Benjamin asked.

“Absolutely. It would take far too long to go by wagon.” Vincent grabbed another cookie. “I’d have to get someone to come see to the sheep while we were gone. So we probably won’t be able to do it anytime soon, but maybe next year.”

“Angel could stay here,” Benjamin said, looking at her briefly. “Come on, Pa, you said she knew all about taking care of sheep.”

“It’s true that Angel is quite capable of taking care of the sheep, but this is her first winter in Wyoming, and she isn’t even used to the house yet. Besides, she would probably love to go back and see her family. She left everyone to come here and be with us.”

“She can go back and stay,” Benjamin said before eating another cookie. “We don’t need her here.”

“That wasn’t a very kind thing to say, son. Apologize right now.”

Benjamin looked up with a frown. “Sorry.” It sounded neither heartfelt nor sincere.

“I apologize that my son doesn’t have better manners, Angel.

Especially after you so kindly made him cookies and have done so many other things for us—for him, in particular.

I don’t suppose he realizes it was you who sewed those tears in his clothes and patched his favorite shirt, the last one his ma made him.

I don’t think he appreciates what you gave up coming to be here with us, but I do.

” He met her gaze and smiled. “You’ve been a balm to my soul, and a man couldn’t ask for more. ”

He could of course ask for more, but he wouldn’t.

There would be a price to pay, and Vincent still wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to manage it.

To love Angel would mean taking something from the love he held for Elsa.

He didn’t think that would ever be possible.

He had buried his heart with her and the baby and little Paul.

How could he give Angel something he no longer had?

With the mood dampened, Vincent took up another couple of cookies and headed for the door.

He wanted to say something more to Angel, but he didn’t want to further upset Benjamin.

He didn’t know what in the world it would take for his son to move beyond his grief, but confrontation and anger weren’t the answers.

He found himself praying silently . Lord , we’re all still hurting so much , Angel too.

She was wronged , and I know she must have suffered a great deal.

So I’m asking for healing here. Healing for my children and self as well as Angel.

She deserves to be loved. Help me to at least be a friend to her.