Page 12 of On a Midnight Clear

The snows came , and continued off and on for three days.

Angel had certainly experienced heavy snows back in Nebraska , but there was something about Wyoming that made it feel like she was a world away from civilization.

Here , the isolation left her feeling abandoned , forgotten.

Especially since her husband held her no love and her stepson would just as soon she disappear.

Only Ava offered her any comfort at all.

Slowly , Angel was winning the child’s trust. Perhaps even love.

But the rest of them were another story.

Not that Vincent wasn’t kind. He was. He was considerate and complimentary of her cooking.

He loved the meals because they reminded him of Granny and the way she cooked when he was a boy.

He was amazed by her work ethic and abilities.

Her knowledge of sheep and the other animals impressed him, and he told her as much.

But that was the limit of it. There was never an encouraging word regarding the children, nor a moment of intimate conversation regarding their future.

At least he’d reached out regarding Christmas, but then just as quickly as he’d brought the subject up, it faded into nothing. Angel wasn’t at all sure what that meant. Was she supposed to make the plans for their Christmas celebration? Had Vincent any desires for the festivities?

The last few days had been made more difficult by the children’s inability to go outside.

Benjamin had accompanied his father to help with the sheep.

Thankfully they were penned close to the house.

Ava didn’t care about being outside as much as her brother did, but even she was growing restless with the continued snow.

Angel did her best to help the children focus on their schoolwork, as well as some sewing.

As she’d figured, Benjamin balked at learning what he figured was a woman’s interest. Vincent chided him, however, telling him about the quilt he and Granny had made together and how learning to sew had helped him to be able to do a number of things for himself.

He could mend his clothes and stitch up a sheep.

Those two things impressed Benjamin enough to agree to learn.

Book learning took the hours between breakfast and lunch.

Then every afternoon, Angel would have them practice sewing.

They had both made pillows and stuffed them with washed sheep’s wool.

Benjamin actually appeared a little impressed with what he’d accomplished and asked if he could make one for his father as a Christmas gift.

Angel had readily agreed. Ava had been upset that she had nothing to give her father, so Angel suggested she could make her father a sachet for his clothes drawer. She was content with this.

After sewing, Angel read to them from the Bible and asked them questions regarding the Scriptures. Today, she shared with them from John chapter eight.

“‘Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.’” She paused and looked at Benjamin.

“We were talking the other day about another verse in John chapter one, that called Jesus the Light. Do you remember which verse that was?”

Benjamin looked at her and shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t like it when we read the Bible.”

Angel closed the book. “Why is that, Benjamin?”

“Because I don’t like to read about God. God is mean. He took my mama and Paul and the baby. He let us be sick with the measles. He doesn’t care about us.”

Ava surprised Angel by coming to sit a little closer to her. It was as if she knew what was coming and wanted no part of it.

“It’s really hard to lose the people we love. It hurts a lot, doesn’t it?” She kept her gaze fixed on Benjamin, and when he didn’t answer, Angel continued. “When I was a little younger than you, Benjamin, my mama took sick and died. It was the worst day of my life.”

“How did she die?” Ava braved the question.

“It was December, and she got winter-fever. Some doctors call it pneumonia. It makes fluid fill in your lungs, and you can’t breathe right.”

“Did you make her sick?”

“No. She was out in the cold air too much. I guess that’s how she came down with it.” Angel heard something in Ava’s voice that drew her attention. It dawned on her that Ava’s mother had caught measles after she and Benjamin had been sick. “Ava, do you think that you made your mother sick?”

The seven-year-old nodded. “Benjamin and me got sick, and Mama took care of us. We made her sick, and she died.”

Angel glanced a moment at Benjamin to see if he agreed with this. He looked away, but his expression was one that suggested great discomfort.

“Sweetheart, measles is what made you sick, and it’s what made your mama sick.

You can’t blame yourself. Measles has a way of spreading.

We don’t know why. It gets in the air, and the air gets into us.

It isn’t your fault that your mother caught measles.

Just like it wasn’t anyone’s fault that my mama caught winter-fever. People sometimes just get sick.”

“And die.” Ava’s voice was barely audible.

Angel nodded. “Yes, and they die, and it hurts us so much to lose them. And we don’t understand why they die, and others don’t. And that sometimes makes it even worse.”

“Maybe God doesn’t love us as much as He loved the ones who die.” Benjamin surprised her by speaking up.

Angel looked at the boy and could see the pain reflected in his eyes. She considered her words carefully. “So, you think maybe God loved your mother and the baby and little Paul more than He loves you and Ava and your father?”

“Maybe. Pa says that God has control over life and death. He could have made Mama well like He did Ava and me. Mrs. Humphreys at church said God loved Mama so much that He wanted her to be in heaven with Him. Paul and the baby too. But me and Ava loved Mama, and we needed her with us. Pa needed her too.”

“And I needed my mama as well.” Angel gave a sigh. “Sometimes we don’t know why things happen the way they do, Benjamin.”

“It was just plain mean of God to take her.” He looked at her as if daring her to say he was wrong. She wondered if he’d spoken out on this before only to get reprimanded.

“It does seem plain mean, doesn’t it?”

His eyes widened at her comment, and he gave a slow nod.

Angel nodded, too, and even Ava joined in.

Angel could see he wanted her to say more.

She couldn’t help but wonder if anyone had allowed him to really talk about how any of this had made him feel.

Vincent certainly had pulled away from his children.

No doubt there were well-meaning people like Mrs. Humphreys who commented on the situation but only made matters worse.

“But you know, Benjamin, I don’t think there was ever any time in the Bible where God did something out of plain meanness. There are a lot of times in the Bible where God punished folks for their behavior. Did your mama do anything wrong so that God would need to punish her? I know mine didn’t.”

“She never did nothing wrong.” Benjamin sounded offended that she should even question the idea.

Ava shook her head. “Never.”

“When I was little, my papa told me that sometimes bad things happen, and we have to keep trusting God even when they do.”

“Why?” Benjamin asked.

“Because who else would we put our trust in? The devil? Even if I can’t understand why God allows things to happen the way they do, I can’t put my trust in anyone else.

The devil isn’t trustworthy. Besides, my mama told me that God was good .

.. that He is love. I want to honor my mama by believing that what she told me was true. ”

“Our mama said the same thing,” Benjamin said, his brow scrunching up as he seemed to really think it over.

Ava crawled up on Angel’s lap. “Mama said Jesus loved us so much He died for us. But He didn’t stay dead.”

“No, He didn’t. He rose again and sits with God the Father in heaven.”

“And if we ask Jesus to come into our hearts, He will,” Ava added. “Mama said so.”

Angel smiled. “Your mama was absolutely right.”

Ava nodded, looking at Angel with such an expression of trust and hope that Angel couldn’t help giving her a hug.

“I asked Jesus to be in my heart,” Ava said, then pointed to her brother. “Benjamin did too.”

Benjamin nodded and then frowned. “Do you think He’s still there, even though I’ve been mad at Him?”

“I’m sure He is, Benjamin. Better still, He knows about how you feel. You can talk to Him and tell Him that you’re sorry you’ve been mad—that it really hurt to lose your mama. Ask Him to help you to trust Him. He loves you, and that’s never going to stop.”

Benjamin looked at the table. “Mama used to help me pray.”

Angel smiled as a rush of love for this boy flooded her heart. “Would you like me to help you pray?”

He didn’t look at her, but nodded. Angel looked at Ava, and she nodded as well. Angel could have cried for joy in that moment. Instead, she bowed her head. Accepting Jesus as her Savior was the most important prayer she’d ever prayed, but this one was surely the second.

Vincent came into the house through the back door to hear Angel praying aloud. He took off his snowy boots and walked in his sock feet to the doorway that led to the dining room. There he found his children bowing in prayer and Angel asking God’s blessings upon each one.

Her prayers were so reminiscent of those Elsa had prayed that for a moment he was transported back in time.

He could almost see her sitting there as she had on so many occasions, but this was Angel.

Angel, who’d given up so much to come to an unknown place and take on this wounded, grieving, even angry family.

She had borne the silence and the hostility with such grace, offering nothing but love in return.

Earlier in the week, he had been captivated by her beauty and the desire to hold her in his arms ... to kiss her. But in this moment, he found himself loving her.

“And, Father, please bless Vincent. He’s had to endure so much. He’s a good man, and I know He loves you dearly. Help him to be a good father to these precious children. Guard his heart and mind and lead him as he makes decisions for his family and the future.”

Vincent winced at the comment “his family.” Angel still didn’t feel they were her family as well.

She still felt isolated and alone, and that was something he could change.

He whispered his own prayer, asking God to help him to figure out how best to make her feel that this was truly her home and family.

And he prayed that God would help them to love each other as a husband and wife.

I never thought I’d pray this prayer , Lord , but I want to fall in love again. I want to feel the deep and wonderful feelings that a husband should have for his wife. I want us to be a real family , Lord.

“Vincent, we didn’t hear you come in,” Angel said, sounding startled.

He looked up. “I didn’t want to interrupt such a beautiful prayer. Thank you for praying for my ... our children.”

Her eyes widened, but she said nothing.

“And thank you for praying for me as a wife should for her husband. I’ve needed those prayers for a long time now.”

She glanced down as if embarrassed. “I think it’s probably time for me to start working on supper.

” She got up from the table and started to maneuver past him, but Vincent took hold of her arm and stopped her.

He wanted to give her some token of his changed heart, as well as show his children that she truly belonged to them.

He pulled her closer and kissed her cheek. “Thank you for not giving up on us.”