Page 26 of On a Midnight Clear

Her lips were warm and soft , pliant beneath the gentle pressure of his kiss. She made a little sound in the back of her throat , her fingers curling into his shirtfront as she rose up on her toes to meet him. His hand splayed across her back to anchor her to him.

He lost himself in her taste, her warmth, the perfect fit of her slender body against his. It was both achingly familiar and exhilaratingly new, like coming home and setting out on uncharted waters all at once.

It took every ounce of willpower he possessed, but he gentled the kiss, easing back until their lips parted. He rested his forehead against hers as they both fought to settle their breathing.

He worked to form words. “Hope, I...”

Her eyes blinked open, hazy and unfocused before sharpening on his face. “Noah...” Something like wonder colored her tone.

He swallowed hard, struggling to say the right thing. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have ... that wasn’t ... I didn’t mean to take advantage.”

She gave a small shake of her head, her nose brushing his. “You didn’t. I wanted ... I’ve wanted that.”

His heart stumbled in his chest. “You have?”

A rosy flush climbed up her neck to her cheeks. “I know I shouldn’t. We’re so different, from such separate worlds. But I can’t seem to help how I feel when I’m with you. How much I don’t want you to leave.”

His breath caught at those last words. He didn’t want to leave her. But he had to. He had a duty. A job. A life.

With that cold bucket of water dousing him back to reality, he eased his hold. He had to think. Had to pray.

Hope’s gaze turned questioning. The last thing he wanted was to make her think she’d done something wrong.

He reached up for her hand and wrapped it in his.

Then he pressed a kiss to the backs of her fingers.

He needed to be honest with her. “Hope, I don’t know how this could work, something more between the two of us.

But I’ve seen God sort things out in ways I could never have imagined.

I think I need to do some praying.” He held her gaze as he pressed another kiss to her fingers.

Let her see my heart , Lord. Don’t let me hurt her.

Maybe God answered his prayer, for no sign of pain flashed in her eyes. She only nodded. “I need to do the same.”

A bit of tension eased from his shoulders. “I suppose we should get back to the house.” Away from the temptation to kiss her again. Would it hurt to brush his lips against hers one more time? He had a feeling one more would never be enough.

So he released her, and they both turned toward the barn door. Back to reality—one that looked far different from the way it had an hour before.

Hope dusted the sugar from her hands as she mentally reviewed the recipe for chess pie. Without eggs, it would take some creative substitutions to achieve the right consistency. She glanced at the small bag of precious cornstarch. Hopefully, it would be enough.

If only they still had chickens, she could make Noah’s favorite Christmas dessert properly. But the last group of hens Martin had ordered from Kansas had only survived two months. The varmints in this country were able to break through any number of wires and wood cages to snatch the fowl.

So, she’d learned to cook without eggs. Not too hard if one avoided baking cakes and custards. And chess pie.

Using cornstarch and saleratus might just do the trick, though. Lord , let this work. Let Noah love the outcome.

The scent of cinnamon and nutmeg from the simmering wassail on the stove mingled with the aroma of the bean soup she’d started cooking for their evening meal.

Martin still hadn’t returned from another long day of hunting, but when he did, he would be hungry.

After they ate, she would ask him privately about the knife.

As she measured out the cornstarch, the thought of the knife led her, of course, to thoughts of that kiss.

Sweet mercy, what a kiss. The way Noah looked at her with such intensity and longing had made her heart race. And when he’d pulled her close, his strong arm encircling her waist, she’d felt a sense of rightness, of belonging. As if everything in her life had led her to that moment.

She sighed, pouring the filling into the pie crust. It was foolish to dwell on what could never be.

Noah had his own life, his own responsibilities.

And she had hers. Their paths had crossed for a brief moment in time, but soon enough, he would be gone.

She’d learned this the hard way too many times, when she’d wallowed after guests left.

Why had she let it come to this once more?

Because Noah is different .

Even as the thought slipped in, she shook her head to send it away. But clearing her mind of him felt impossible.

Lord , I really want this man. Not only is he one of the most handsome men I’ve ever met , but he’s honorable and honest—and more than those wonderful qualities ... he loves You.

When she finished the prayer, her spirit still churned. Noah had a life, responsibilities to his job and probably to his brothers. Could he really give all that up for a life here with her?

Could she give up Martin and the stage stop for Noah? The idea made her want to sink down on the bench and cry. Lord , is that what You want me to do?

She slid the pie into the oven, her heart heavy with unanswered questions. Best to keep busy and let the Lord sort it out.

The door to Ellen’s bedchamber opened, and the woman stepped out with a cheery smile. “Hello. I didn’t know you were out here working or I would have come sooner. I suppose I was too engrossed in my book.”

Hope returned the grin, grateful for the distraction. “I’m just putting together a few things for our dinner tonight.”

Ellen’s eyes brightened as she took in the array of ingredients on the work counter. “It smells heavenly in here. Is there anything I can do to help?”

She glanced around the space. “If you’re sure you don’t mind, these vegetables need to be chopped for the soup.” She motioned to the pile of carrots and potatoes on the counter.

Ellen stepped forward. “I’d be delighted. Just show me what to do.”

As they worked together in the small space, peeling and slicing, Ellen’s friendly chatter drew Hope in. She’d not expected a genteel lady to possess such a quick wit and a keen eye for detail. Her stories of city life and high society were downright funny.

Still, Hope found herself wondering what Ellen truly thought of their simple frontier existence. Did she find it quaint and charming, like something out of a dime novel? Or did she secretly long for the comforts and refinements of her former life?

Before she could ponder it further, the sound of footsteps on the porch announced Martin’s return. Only her brother would stomp with those heavy thuds. The front door opened, and Martin paused on the threshold as he shook off the snow that clung to his coat.

“There you are.” She moved the pot to a cooler part of the stove. The vegetables should be cooked by now. “Did you find anything?”

Martin shook his head as he pulled off his gloves and coat, though his scowl could have answered for him. “Snow’s still too deep. Not many animals out yet.”

She sighed as she ladled him a bowl of soup.

If he couldn’t bring in fresh meat, she’d have to parboil some they’d dried.

It would fill their bellies, but what a sorry excuse for a Christmas dinner.

That wasn’t Martin’s fault, though. “The soup is ready, so have a seat. I suppose everyone can eat at their leisure tonight.”

He moved to the table. “Smells good.”

Ellen filled a bowl with soup and sat across from Martin, then the door opened and Noah stepped inside.

His eyes found hers right away, and her breathing hitched.

His presence always filled the room. She gave a small smile so her tumultuous feelings weren’t too obvious in case anyone else watched her.

“Are you hungry? It’s a simple bean stew, but it’s ready. ”

A twinkle lit his eyes as he removed his coat. “It smells wonderful. A double helping, please, if there’s plenty.”

Warmth slid through every part of her as she filled his bowl to the top.

The men exchanged small talk about Martin’s hunt and what kind of animals were usually found in this area during the winter.

Then Martin pushed to his feet. “Miss Whitmore, I’d be happy to show you the sleigh you wanted to see, if now is a good time.”

Ellen’s head jerked up, but Hope couldn’t see her expression. “I’d love to, Mr. Palmer.” She stood, far more gracefully than Martin had.

Martin ran a look from Noah to Hope. “You two are welcome to come if you want.”

Hope hesitated. The chess pie would need to come out in another five minutes or so. After so much work, the last thing she wanted was to let it burn. “I can’t leave the food unattended right now. But you go ahead, and I’m sure Noah would be happy to accompany you.”

Though she trusted her brother and Ellen, a chaperone would be wise. Another waft of heat rose up to her cheeks at the memory of her and Noah’s private time in the barn.

Noah met her eyes, his gaze sharp. He might be remembering those moments too, and he clearly didn’t want his ward to experience the same thing. Not under his watch.

Her brother would keep things respectable. Noah didn’t have to turn into a brooding guardian. She raised her brows at him to add a little levity. Then pressed a hand to her chest and gave her head a slight shake. She’d had nothing to do with this invitation.

Noah’s gaze softened, as though he might be chuckling inwardly. Then he pushed up from the table, leaving his half-full bowl of stew. “I’d like to see it too.” He glanced at Hope. “I’ll be back to finish this. Never fear.”

The final look he sent before he donned his coat with the others made butterflies flit through her middle.

He almost sounded like he’d be back to finish their silent banter.

Or maybe even finish their kiss from earlier.

Or the conversation after it. Maybe he’d made a decision and planned to take her aside and share it.

Settle down , Hope. The man only meant you shouldn’t take away his bowl from the table.

But as Noah’s handsome form stepped out of the cabin and he closed the door, the ache inside twisted harder than ever. Lord , either show us how we can work things out together , or take away all of my yearning for him.

Because if the Father’s answer was no, how could she stand to watch Noah leave?