Page 39 of On a Midnight Clear
Later that evening, Stella sat in her favorite chair with a copy of her favorite book, but instead of finding comfort in the story, Jane Eyre only stirred up more uncertainty.
For Jane had fallen completely in love with her Edward, and he with her.
But marriage between them was a mistake.
Doomed to fail before it began. Perhaps she should take heart that the two eventually found their happy ending, but it came at such a steep cost. Would the same be required of her?
Of Frank? She didn’t want Frank to suffer, to forfeit all he’d worked so hard to achieve.
He deserved a wife who could come to him with no reservations, who wouldn’t hesitate to support him in his work, and who would gladly follow him wherever that work took him.
She couldn’t do those things. Not yet, anyway.
“If you frown at that book any harder, it’s going to combust.”
Stella glanced up to find her father studying her from his chair across from her. He’d set his own book on the table near his elbow.
She offered a smile, hoping he’d not look too close or analyze too deeply. “Miss Bronte and her characters are made of stern stuff. They can handle a few contemplative stares.”
“A few?” Her father raised a brow as he removed his feet from the ottoman and planted them on the floor. “You’ve been scowling at that same page for the past quarter hour.” He leaned forward, his eyes brimming with concern. “Want to talk about it?”
Yes. But how much should she say?
“Does it have anything to do with a particular redheaded mathematics professor?” Papa’s eyes began to dance. “Is the courtship not going well?”
“Papa!” Heat flushed her cheeks. “We’re just friends.” Mostly.
Her father chuckled. “Don’t you be fibbing, girl.
I’ve seen the way you light up whenever he’s around.
And Frank’s making all kinds of departures from his usual character.
Leaving symposium sessions early, agreeing to participate in public performances, and walking on eggshells around me.
The man is my intellectual and professional superior.
There’s only one reasonable explanation for his sudden nervousness in my presence.
He’s completely besotted with my daughter. ”
Pleasure rushed over her at his words, yet it failed to make her dilemma any smaller.
“You care for him. Don’t you?” Her father’s gentle tone caused her eyes to mist.
Stella nodded. “I do. I fear my heart will belong to him forever.”
Papa rose from his chair and moved to sit on the side of the sofa closest to her chair. He reached over the sofa arm and clasped her hand. “Why does loving him make you afraid?”
She couldn’t meet his eyes. “Because I know how much it will hurt when he leaves.”
“You don’t think he will offer for you?”
She shook her head as the first tears began to fall.
“Just the opposite. I’m pretty sure he will.
But I don’t see how I can accept. Not when marrying him will mean leaving my home.
Leaving you.” She sniffed as she raised her head and peered into her father’s face.
“You are all the family I have, Papa. I can’t leave you. ”
His grip tightened around her fingers, and his voice choked slightly. “Oh, my sweet girl. How I love you. And if you move to the East Coast, I will miss you terribly. But you’ll only be a train ride away. I can visit you during university holidays, and we can correspond between visits.”
Stella twisted to face him, her chest feeling as if it might burst. “But who will take care of you? Fix your eggs the way you like them, press your suits, darn your socks? Who will make sure you don’t forget your keys and keep your ledgers organized? You’re a terrible bookkeeper, you know.”
He smiled. “That I am.” He reached up to wipe a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “No one will ever tend to me as well as you do. As well as your mother did. But I’ll manage. I am a grown man, after all.”
“I can’t leave. I promised Mama I’d take care of you.” The secret blurted out of her with no warning. She expected to see shock arrest his features, but his tender expression never changed.
“And I promised her to take care of you. ” He patted her arm.
“Your mama wanted us to take care of each other so that neither of us would fall prey to grief. She wished for our family ties to grow stronger in her absence, not to weaken from neglect. But she never wished for us to hold so tightly to each other that we let no one else in. Why do you think I encouraged you to write to Professor Stentz all those months ago? I hoped the two of you would form a connection. He impressed me as an intelligent, godly man. One with a kind spirit and a humble manner. One who would appreciate a woman who shared his faith and his love of learning. One who could take care of my little girl when I am no longer around to do so.”
Stella’s breath stuck in her throat, and her head began to spin. “Papa. Never tell me that you’ve been playing matchmaker all this time.”
His eyes twinkled. “It seems I have a knack for it. I might have to go into business if the professorship doesn’t work out.”
A laugh bubbled out of her. A joyous, freeing laugh that cleansed her heart and infused her spirit with hope. She still didn’t want to leave her papa, but for the first time, considering the idea didn’t feel like a betrayal.