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CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

ELLIOT

“ S o how are we going to put the asshole dean in his place?” Noah asks when I walk into the dining room five minutes later to all three of my brothers, Jo, and Amelia sitting around the table with platters of waffles and toppings spread everywhere.

Killer is perched on Cooper’s lap. Amelia and Jo have their heads together laughing about something.

Jordan is staring at Jo like she is his reason for living.

And Noah is sporting a murderous expression like he’s ready to go to battle for me.

Out of the four of us, I’ve been the one who likes to be needed.

The fixer. The organizer. The dependable, reliable brother who handles everyone’s everything and stocks everyone’s favorite snacks and fixes everyone’s problems. The one who is there .

So something about seeing my brothers crowded around my dining room table because Amelia called them and told them that, this time, I needed them has my emotions rising as all my defenses fall, and my closest kept secret tumbling from my mouth.

“I’m depressed,” I blurt out, extremely unartfully and to no one in particular.

Conversation cuts off as five heads whip towards me. Amelia smiles, holding out a hand for mine, tugging me down into the empty seat on her other side and keeping my hand in hers.

“Sorry,” I say with a wry smile, feeling lighter even at just saying those words, at seeing Jordan, Noah, and Cooper looking at me with open expressions, waiting to see what I say next.

“Let me try that again. I’m depressed. Clinically.

I was diagnosed in college. Mom and Dad know, and so does Cece, but I’ve kept it from you guys for a long time, and I’m sorry about that. ”

I look at Jordan first because I think out of all my brothers, he’ll be the one who understands.

He’s been through a lot too. He reaches across the table, over the breakfast dishes, and, with a look of such deep understanding that my throat gets tight and my eyes burn, lays a hand on mine.

“You don’t owe us an explanation, El. If you’re ready to tell us now, then we’re ready to listen. ”

“It was yours to tell, El,” Cooper says, filling a coffee mug and sliding it across the table to me. “You don’t have to apologize for not being ready before.”

“I don’t know,” Noah muses. “I thought the Wyles bros don’t keep secrets from each other.”

Jo slaps him on the back of his head. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Then she looks up at me, wicked grin on her face. “Sorry, had to put the little brother in his place.”

I smile, my chest expanding with love for my brother’s girlfriend. “You’re the best, Jo Jo.”

“Oh, I know,” she says, dousing her waffle in whipped cream and syrup and taking a giant bite.

“Fuck, Jo,” Noah says, rubbing the back of his head as Jordan snorts out a laugh and swings an arm around Jo’s shoulders. “I’m older than you, and I was kidding. Jesus, I thought I would lighten the mood a little. I’m the mood lightener.”

Amelia snickers, and I turn, grinning back at her, feeling light as air and entirely unburdened.

“I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. Okay, that’s a lie.

I do know. I didn’t tell you at first because I’m the guy who has everything handled, and saying it out loud felt like admitting that maybe I’m not that guy all the time.

And if I’m not him, I don’t know who the fuck I am.

And then the longer I went without telling you, the harder it was to say the words. ”

“Why now?” Jordan asks. There’s no judgment in his tone. Just curiosity.

I shrug, taking a sip of my coffee, thinking of Henry and Clara, and all the parts of themselves they had to hide from the world.

Of Amelia and I not being able to be everything everywhere.

“Because this is me. Dark and twisty brain and all.” I turn to Amelia and smile, squeezing her hand.

“And over the past few months, I’ve had a really important reminder that it’s okay to just be me.

To give the people I care about most all the pieces of me.

To be me everywhere, not just where it’s most convenient. ”

Amelia leans over and kisses my cheek. “Proud of you, El,” she whispers in my ear.

“I’m proud of you too,” Jordan says. “In the least patronizing way possible, I swear.” He leans back in his chair, and like Jo can read his mind, she reaches over and takes his free hand in hers.

“I know what it’s like to feel dark, and I know what it feels like to lose pieces of yourself and not be sure if you’ll be able to find them again.

” He glances over at Jo, and the love on his face is raw and intense and has emotion tightening my throat for everything he’s lost—and everything he’s found.

“I also know what it feels like to find the person who takes your broken parts and helps you put them back together again.” His gaze moves from me to Amelia and to our joined hands, and a smile spreads across his face.

“I think you understand that now, and that’s why you were ready. ”

I blow out a breath, the relief at being understood so well a little overwhelming.

Cooper studies me with that all-seeing gaze of his. “It’s been harder than you let on, hiding your relationship at school. Maybe even harder than you let yourself think about.”

It’s not a question, but I answer it anyway. “Yes. Turns out I’m terrible at subterfuge, and hiding gives me anxiety.”

“Of course it does,” Noah says. “You’re always you.

Whether it’s running in Central Park when we were visiting Jordan even though the rest of us were lazy asses on the couch, or remembering what kind of cream cheese we all like on our bagels and keeping our favorite snacks in your kitchen because we like to hang out here best, or buying Jordan and Jo real hangers so they could have an actual adult closet, or spending six months searching for the girl you met on the plane, you’re always the most authentic version of yourself.

Having a dark and twisty brain doesn’t change that.

Fuck hard. Hiding your relationship, even just at school, for the past few months must have been damn near impossible. ”

Silence fills the room as we all stare at Noah, who is casually cutting into his second waffle like he didn’t just accurately psychoanalyze me in one minute or less.

Cooper lets out a low whistle, breaking the silence. “Jesus, Noah, turns out you’re more than just a pretty face after all. Where has all that intelligent intuition been all this time?”

Noah grins. “I like to bust it out every now and then. Keep you all on your toes. So, now that we’ve established Dean Miller is an asshole and hiding his relationship with Amelia gives Elliot hives, what’s the plan?”

“The plan for what?” asks Jo.

“Keep up, Jo Jo,” Noah says. “The plan for making sure Elliot can keep his job and Amelia can stay in her PhD program and doesn’t get her identity splashed around everywhere before she’s ready.”

“Well, I can take care of that last part of that right now,” Amelia says cheerily, bumping my shoulder with hers. “I’m dropping out of the program.”

“Like fuck you are,” Noah says. “That bastard doesn’t get to win.”

Amelia laughs. “Simmer down, Norma Rae. This doesn’t have anything to do with the dean. I enrolled in the program for the wrong reasons. I was trying to escape Gabe and his giant shadow, and, well, that’s impossible, and I’m awesome all on my own, so I’ve decided to just embrace it.”

Cooper studies her. “So what happens now?”

She shrugs, and it doesn’t seem like an act.

For the first time in maybe ever, my girl doesn’t have a fully formed plan for what comes next, and she seems fine with that.

I love it. Her happiness. Her lightness.

Her. “I don’t know exactly, but I do know I want to do something with Genesis.

I want to tell everyone I created it and create more like it.

That’s what I love. Not school. I want to do way less of anything that involves school. ”

“My bestie is a freaking genius,” Jo says, grinning at Amelia. “Women in STEM for the fucking win.”

“Bet your ass,” Amelia says, grinning back at her.

“Okay,” Noah says, straightening like he’s about to make a deal.

“We’re definitely keeping you too. We already have Jo Jo, and she’s awesome.

And now it turns out you’re smarter than all of us put together, and you like romance novels and true crime, which is cool as hell, and you always have red gummy bears, which are the best, so please never leave us. ”

“Seriously, dude, what is it with you and romance novels?” Jordan asks.

“Nothing. Forget it,” mumbles Noah, his face turning a little red.

I’ve been thinking the same thing, but before I can pile on, Amelia throws him a bone and changes the subject. “As long as Elliot will have me, I’ll never leave you.”

I scoff, tossing an arm around her shoulders and tugging her closer to me, pressing a kiss to her hair. “As long as I’ll have you? You mean, like, forever? Because I’m thinking about that long.”

She grins up at me. “Works for me.”

Cooper groans. “Okay, enough with the overwhelming displays of love. We might not have to save Amelia’s spot in the program but?—”

He trails off at the knock on the door. “Come in!” I yell, assuming it’s either Cece or my parents, forgetting for a second that any of them would just walk right in.

“We still have Elliot’s job to save,” Cooper finishes.

“I’ve got some ideas on that,” comes an unfamiliar male voice.

“No fucking way,” Jordan says, his eyes lighting up.

Amelia lets out a happy shriek and jumps up from the table. I turn just in time to see her throw herself at Gabe and Molly, the three of them swaying in a tight hug.

“What are you doing here?” she exclaims, bouncing on her toes when she finally lets them go. “Where’s Soph?”

“She’s having some grandparent time with the Parkers,” Molly says, referring, I think, to her best friend’s parents who act as pseudo parents to all of Jordan’s friends.

“Gabe thought we were needed here, and I desperately needed to meet Elliot again as your boyfriend, and not just as the very good-looking younger brother of my very good friend.” Molly winks at Jordan. “Missed you, Jord.”

“Missed you more, Mol,” Jordan says happily.

“I missed you most.” Jo stands and gives her sister’s best friend a hug, keeping an arm around her waist and wrapping one around Amelia’s as all three of them turn and face me.

“And obviously you’ve met Elliot before, but now you can know him as the guy who loves our girl more than life.

Like, absolute simp level behavior, Mol. ”

Molly grins at me. “That’s just the way we like it. Welcome to the family, El.”

I grin back at her, winking at Amelia, whose face is flushed with happiness. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Gabe hugs Jordan then claps me on the shoulder. “You make my sister really happy.”

“I really hope so.”

“If you make her unhappy, we’re going to have a problem.”

Before I can say anything, Molly and Amelia both dissolve into hysterical laughter, and Gabe looks over at them, confused expression on his face. “What?”

Molly shakes her head, still laughing. “Gabe, I love you madly, but you really can’t pull off the stern daddy thing. It’s just not you. You’re too cheerful for that.”

“It could be me,” Gabe grumbles.

Amelia breaks away and wraps an arm around her brother, reaching out for my hand.

I lace my fingers through hers and she grins at me.

“Nah, you can’t pull it off. Anyway, you’ve met him before, so this is all really a formality.

Let’s dispense with the patriarchal stay away from my sister bullshit and get to the real reason you’re here.

What did you mean when you said you had some ideas for Elliot’s job? ”

“It’s really not necessary,” I start. “I don’t care about my job. As long as I have Amelia, I can work anywhere.”

Amelia waves that away with a dismissive noise. “No. You earned this job. You love this job. You’re keeping this job. How do we do it?” She asks her brother.

Gabe gives me a sly smile that shows me exactly how he ended up the most famous tech billionaire in the world.

“You guys aren’t the only people who think Dean Miller is an asshole.

Everyone hates him, and a lot of those people owe me favors.

At the very least, they like me way more than they like him. ”

“Enough favors for Elliot to keep his job?” Cooper asks.

“Oh, you’ll keep your job,” Gabe says. “Among other things.”

“Fuck yes, now we’re talking,” Noah says. “I love a little light blackmail with a side of bribery and horse trading.”

“In all seriousness,” Gabe says to me, “I can help you. I want to help you. Because you’re part of my family now, and also because I would love nothing more than to take down a bully.

But only if it’s okay with you both.” He moves his gaze between Amelia and me, as if he’s asking for permission to get involved, and my respect for him grows.

“That okay with you, Mystery Girl?” I ask Amelia. I was serious when I said I didn’t care about my job, but the way Amelia is looking at Gabe, it’s like she wants this from him, and I want to give her everything she wants. But I want to be sure.

Amelia smiles and me and then at Gabe, and it’s like I can see the weight lifting off her shoulders as she lets go of years of looking for her place, finally realizing that her place is right here.

With Gabe and Molly. And also with me. My brothers.

Jo. My parents and Cece. All of us. “That sounds perfect to me.”

Gabe and Molly grab seats at the table and we pour more coffee and eat more waffles than is probably reasonable.

We laugh and we talk, and we plan, and Amelia moves her seat closer to mine and leans into me, kissing my jaw and whispering I love you .

I press a kiss to her temple and whisper it back, and after the darkest of nights, everything about the lightness of this morning is perfect.