Page 56
She shakes her head and leans into my hand.
“Not sad. Well, not really. It’s just what you said, it reminded me so much of something Gabe says all the time.
He always tells us that if it’s in his power to do something for us, he will, and we’re lucky because almost anything is in his power.
It’s the captain of industry, billionaire thing.
He’s just a regular Captain America T-shirt wearing tech nerd until suddenly he does something crazy like buying a twelve-million-dollar Beacon Hill brownstone because I wanted to move to Boston and complained for, like, thirty seconds about how much I hate apartment hunting.
That always made me insane because I never wanted him to do things for me.
I wanted to make my own way and carve out my own space in tech outside of his shadow.
Find my own damn apartment, you know? I was so tired of him interfering all the time, even though it came from a good place. The best place.”
I stroke my thumb down her cheek. “You said it made you insane. In the past. Does that mean it doesn’t make you insane anymore?”
She huffs out a breath, eyes intent on mine. “Maybe you are a little bit psychic after all.”
I laugh, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m not psychic. I just know you.”
She considers that for a second before a slow smile spreads across her face.
“It feels good to be known. And yeah, in the past because the truth is, I miss him,” she says simply.
“I’ve kept my distance from Gabe because I didn’t trust myself not to blurt out all my secrets, and I didn’t want him all in my business.
We talk on the phone a lot, but I haven’t been to Pittsburgh since Christmas.
I miss seeing his face and trying to make Sophie smile and laughing with Molly and binging true crime shows with Liv.
I just…I miss my family. I don’t like that they know you as Jordan’s brother and not the man I love, and I don’t like that they don’t know anything about my life now.
I don’t want it to be that way. Not anymore.
My parents died when I was twelve years old.
I know better than anyone that life is short and we only get this one.
I was doing what I thought felt right at the time, but it doesn’t feel good anymore. ”
I stroke along her jaw, choosing my words carefully. “Do you think you’re ready to talk to Gabe?”
Uncertainty flashes in her eyes. “I want to. I have for a while, but I’ve been avoiding it. He’ll be disappointed I kept all this from him. Our relationship is more complicated than a regular brother and sister relationship, and I don’t want him to feel like I let him down.”
I shake my head. “He won’t. He couldn’t.
And you didn’t. Listen, I don’t know Gabe all that well, but I do know he loves you, so much.
So does Molly, and your sister too. I hear it every time you’re on the phone with them.
He might be surprised, but ultimately, I think he’ll just be proud of you.
You developed an app that literally the entire world is talking about, and you’re kicking ass at a cutthroat PhD program.
You helped me find my great-grandmother’s long-lost love, and you taught my dog how to stand up and take a bow.
You are the most amazing woman in STEM who has ever walked the planet, and you’re happy.
Gabe is your family, Ames. That’s all he wants for you. ”
I see a flash of something in her eyes when I mention the program, but it’s gone too quickly for me to read, replaced by a love so intense it has my heart pounding against my ribs, like it’s trying to break free and get to her.
“I love you,” she says quietly. “I love you so damn much. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I want you to know that all I want is to do life with you.
The right way. All the way out loud, El. ”
The urgency and emotion in her voice have me cupping her face in both of my hands, bringing my mouth to hers.
The diner is filled with people and the bright fluorescent lights shine overhead, but I notice none of it.
My entire being is focused on kissing the woman of my dreams. On pouring every ounce of love I have into it—into her—so that she’ll carry it with her forever.
So that she never, ever doubts that I’m hers and she’s mine.
That our love is real and true and absolutely unbreakable.
“Well, isn’t this cozy?”
We break apart at the familiar voice, Amelia stiffening against me. I take her hand and turn slowly, looking straight at Dean Miller. He’s wearing ill-filling khaki pants, a sweater vest, and an expression that says, under no uncertain terms, you’re fucked .
Anxiety tightens in my stomach like a fist.
“Dean Miller,” Amelia starts. “We…”
She breaks off when he holds up a hand. “Save it, Ms. Sullivan. I’ve long suspected there was something between the two of you, but I didn’t think it would be so easy to figure it out.
Kissing at a diner right by campus.” He scoffs.
“It’s like you weren’t even trying to keep it a secret.
Well…” He stands up straight and puts his hands on his hips. “It’s not a secret anymore.”
“We can explain,” I start, my brain racing a million miles a minute, trying to find something to say to him that will minimize the fall-out for Amelia.
“Oh, you’ll explain all right,” he says, smirking at us.
“You’ll explain on Monday morning at nine a.m. in my office why I shouldn’t fire you effective immediately.
Your tenured position is subject to a morality clause, and sleeping with a student is definitely not what MassTech considers moral.
It’s right there in the faculty handbook, if you’d even bothered to read it.
And as for you, Ms. Sullivan, I can’t imagine your brother would take too kindly to the knowledge that you’ve been carrying on with a professor, of all people.
Just think of the damage it would do to his reputation. ”
I can feel every muscle in Amelia’s body tense behind me, and the two parts of my brain are warring with each other.
The need to both stay and fight for her to make sure the dean doesn’t fuck up her entire life and also to get home where I can care for my twisty thoughts in the dark is making my own muscles tense painfully.
I didn’t want this for us. And I definitely didn’t want it for her. It was stupid to let our guard down out in public like this, so close to campus. And now she’s going to pay the price for it.
“Nothing to say?” asks Dean Miller, his voice sly and his smile a little feral.
All I want to say is words of apology to Amelia. That I couldn’t protect her. That I let her down. But the words won’t come. My hands shake and my stomach churns. My breath comes out in a quiet gasp through the vise tightening around my chest.
“Come on, El,” Amelia says quietly, grasping my hand and holding on tight.
I grip it like a lifeline. “Let’s go. I’ve got you.
” With her free hand on my back, she nudges me out of the booth, and I stand on unsteady legs.
She follows me off the bench, standing next to me and wrapping an arm around my waist, staring Dean Miller down.
“No, Dean Miller. We don’t have anything to say because I was taught to ignore bullies, and from where I stand, that’s exactly what you are.
We’ll be in your precious office on Monday morning, but if you thought you could threaten Elliot’s job and my brother’s reputation, and I’d just stand here and take it?
Well, I guess you don’t know me very well at all. I protect what’s mine.”
Dean Miller’s face turns beet red, and if I wasn’t so focused on trying to breathe air into lungs that have suddenly decided to stop cooperating, I would appreciate his discomfort. “You’re finished here,” he hisses, glancing back and forth between the two of us. “Both of you.”
Amelia shrugs, a bored expression on her face. “We’ll see.”
She tosses some cash on the table, and with a tug on my waist, she leads me to the front of the diner. As soon as we walk out the door, I bend over, my hands on my knees, my heart pounding as my breath comes in shallow pants. Sweat slides down my back even in the freezing air.
Amelia bends down over my back, wrapping her arms tightly around me from behind. “I’ve got you,” she repeats. “Breathe with me, El. Feel me breathe and do what I do.”
I close my eyes and focus on the way her chest rises and falls against my back.
The slow and steady beat of her heart. My brain is working a thousand miles a minute, and I can’t grab onto a single thought except that Amelia has her arms around me, and that’s enough for the band around my chest to loosen, the tiniest bit. For my heart to slow, just enough.
“There you go,” she murmurs. “You’re okay. What do you need?” she asks, flattening her palm on my chest.
“I need…” I break off, sucking in a breath, covering her hand with mine and trying to steady myself. “I need to be home. Please.”
Home. It’s a person now as much as it’s a place, I realize though my spinning thoughts, as Amelia circles me, her arms still locked around my waist, keeping us connected. She presses a kiss to my chest, right over my heart, and looks me in the eyes.
“Then let’s go home, El. Together.”
Table of Contents
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- Page 56 (Reading here)
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