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CHAPTER TWELVE

ELLIOT

“ C ome on, El, move your ass,” Noah says as he jogs past me, slapping my shoulder in the process.

“Yeah, aren’t you supposed to be the runner?” Jordan smirks as he passes me on my other side, catching up with Noah, who’s now running a few paces ahead as we cross the Harvard bridge to head into Cambridge.

“You okay?” Cooper asks quietly, slowing his pace to meet mine. I glance over at him before facing forward again, and I can see his concerned eyes steady on me.

“I’m fine,” I say, ducking my head a little as the cold wind blows off the Charles River. “Just didn’t sleep well last night. I’m dragging today.”

It’s not a lie, but it’s not the full truth either.

The full truth is that I didn’t sleep well because I was thinking about Amelia and our run in with the dean.

The way she’s gone quiet on me for more than a week.

She’s been sending me updates on her research into Henry and Clara, and she’s been in class, but she keeps her eyes off mine, fixing her gaze on the whiteboard or on her notes.

My texts to her have gone mostly unanswered.

This morning, I woke up feeling the darkness around the edges, the depression hovering there, just waiting to sink its grip into my brain. Running is my happy place. My brothers are my home. Neither of those things is enough today. I want to crawl out of my skin, even as my body stays in motion.

“You can always talk to me. You know that, right?”

I turn and look at Cooper, doing my best to smile. “Yeah, Coop, I know.”

Cooper studies me for a second before calling out to Noah and Jordan. “Hey guys, we’re cutting it off at five miles. It’s too fucking cold for the full eight, and if I don’t get caffeine and breakfast in the next ten minutes, I’m rioting.”

I breathe a little sigh of relief as I pick up my pace, an end to this run in sight. Even though the idea of sitting around a table with my brothers is not the most appealing way to spend the next hour, it’s one step closer to going home to be with my dog and my plants so I can go dark.

Jordan turns and jogs backwards, the smirk back on his face. “Joke’s on you because I was always stopping at five. I already told Jo Jo to meet us at the diner.”

“Lazy ass,” Noah says, backhanding Jordan across the stomach when he turns back around.

Jordan shrugs, never breaking his pace as Cooper and I catch up so we’re all running in a row. “It really is fucking cold, and I’m starving, and I want to see my girl. Wins all around.”

“You know you and Jo live together, right? Didn’t you see her, like, right before we left?” Cooper asks, confusion on his face.

Jordan gives him a look full of pity. “Listen, baby brother, I know you’re all married to your job and everything right now, but one day you’ll meet a girl, and she’ll knock your whole world off balance and right it at the same time, and then you’ll understand.

I could have my eyes on Jo every minute of every day for the rest of my life, and it would still never be enough. ”

My stomach twists a little at Jordan’s words and at the naked love on his face when he talks about Jo. I’m not proud of the jealousy that lodges in my chest because Jordan went through hell when he lost Allie, and I would never wish anything but happiness and all that love for him.

I just want it for myself too, and after the last ten days of near radio silence from Amelia, it feels farther away than ever.

Ten minutes later, we’re pushing through the heavy glass doors of the Cambridge diner we’ve been coming to since we were kids.

The one I brought Amelia to on the first day of school.

My brain flashes with images of that day—of her smiling at me from across the table and the flush that crept over her face when I hooked my foot around hers.

I am down so, so bad, and I can’t even bring myself to be mad about it. Except the part where I can’t kiss her and call her mine. I hate that part very, very much. My melancholy seems to settle in a little deeper, weighing down my shoulders.

The bell on the door jingles as my brothers and I approach the hostess stand, and I turn more out of reflex than curiosity.

But I’m glad I did because standing there, wearing a white hat with a pompom on it, cheeks pink from the cold, is Amelia.

It’s like I conjured her just through the sheer force of my thoughts alone.

“Elliot,” she breathes, the color on her face darkening.

“Mystery Girl.” I reach out and touch her jacket-covered arm, like I’m constitutionally incapable of being in her presence without being physically connected to her in some way. Some of my heaviness lifts at the contact. “What brings you to my diner?”

She scoffs, but it’s playful. “Your diner? You don’t own it.”

I shrug. “I guess not, but I’ve been coming here for literally my entire life. My mom has a picture of me as a newborn baby at that table over there.” I point to a booth across the restaurant. “And correct me if I’m wrong, but I introduced you to this place, didn’t I?”

She chuckles. “Yeah, you did. I’ve been coming here a couple times a week ever since. You were right about the cinnamon rolls, and now I’m addicted.”

“Stick with me, Mystery Girl; I’ll show you all the best things.

” I can hear the strain in my voice, and I think she does too because she takes a step closer to me, opening her mouth to speak, but Noah walks up and cuts in before she has a chance.

“El, are you planning on joining us at the table in this lifetime or do we have to…” he trails off as his gaze drifts to Amelia, massive grin spreading over his face.

“Hi, I’m Noah.” He sticks his hand out and Amelia takes it.

“I’m this one’s younger brother. Who are you? ”

Amelia hesitates for a second, and I can see the change in her facial expression, a what the hell energy surrounding her. I don’t know what it’s about, but I like it. “I’m Amelia.”

“Well it’s great to meet you Ame—” Noah cuts himself off so abruptly, his mouth dropping open in a way that has me snorting out a laugh, despite the current chaos of my brain. “Ho-ly shit. Are you airplane girl?”

“Airplane girl?” Amelia asks, looking at me with a wry smile.

I shrug, elbowing Noah in the side. “Please excuse my brother. We tried to housebreak him, but it never took.”

“Wait, fuck,” Noah says, glancing between me and Amelia.

“I’m like ten steps behind here, and you know how much I hate not knowing shit.

Did you know she was going to be here? Are you together?

Did you figure out the professor/student thing?

Tell me everything before I die. Wait! Not just me.

You can tell us all everything. Jordan and Coop will want to know.

Can she sit with us? You have to sit with us.

” He turns to Amelia with a pleading look on his face, and she bursts out laughing.

“Does anyone ever say no to you?” she asks with a smile.

He flashes her a grin. “Nah, I’m annoyingly persistent when I want something. Come on, we have a table for six. It’s like fate or something.”

“Or something,” I say under my breath as Noah turns and walks away, confident that we’re going to just follow behind. “Sorry about him,” I murmur to Amelia. “You don’t have to sit with us. I know things are a little weird after our run in with the dean.”

Amelia looks up at me and for a second, I get lost in her brown eyes. “I’m sorry I’ve been staying away. My head’s been in a weird place since then.”

“I understand. I swear I do. I told you I would never do anything to get in the way of your degree, and I meant it.”

She brushes her hand against mine, and I feel that small touch everywhere. “I know you wouldn’t. And if it’s okay, I think I would really like to sit with you and your brothers. If you want.”

“I want,” I say immediately, feeling desperately grateful for whatever it is that’s happening right now, even if it’s temporary.

“But Jordan is over there and I’m pretty sure his girlfriend is on her way, too.

They know your brother. It won’t be hard for them to put the pieces together.

They won’t say anything to him if I ask them not to, but…

” I trail off, not exactly sure what to say next.

This time when she touches my hand she links her pinky with mine, smiling as she looks up at me. “I think whatever it is will be worth it for breakfast with you.”

I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding. “They’re really good people. My brothers. The best people. But they’re also nosy and irreverent and rarely, if ever, act their ages.”

Amelia smiles, tightening her pinky around mine. “They sound perfect, El. Introduce me?”

Restraining myself from leaning forward and pressing my lips to hers, I nod and lead her to the table, my hand linked with hers the entire way there.