Page 26

Titan

Of all of Earth’s inefficiencies, the cellular device Titan had been given for “communication” had to be amongst the worst. It died often.

It beeped obnoxiously. It used far too many rare materials, and in such wasteful quantities!

And worst of all, it did not even function as intended half the time.

For example, and most egregiously: in his government office here on Earth.

Ezra had claimed this “dead zone” was a “security measure” to prevent sensitive data from being broadcast by spies to nongovernment agencies, but that did not make any sense, as Titan had seen the way the Earth governments stored their data, and found it to be very bad.

Any being with even a rudimentary grasp of information technology could easily infiltrate their primitive databases and retrieve whatever information they liked, even without a functional cellular device handy.

Titan certainly had. It was fortunate there was nothing overly sensitive to be found—mostly boring dealings between the Earth governments and codes for things like “footballs” and “biscuits,” which Titan assumed were preferred settings for the microwave oven, since both files were tagged with the word “nuke.”

In any case, Titan had no great love of his often useless cellular device, and he had especially little love of it this Sunday morning, as he had spent the last ten minutes attempting to order a bad and dangerous Earth vehicle via the application “Uber” without success.

However, it was imperative he accomplish his goal, as he had spent much of the night unable to fall into unconsciousness following the conversation with his cousin and brother.

While their advice had been just, it had not been comforting, and despite the fact that they were wise and educated beings, Titan found himself unable to give up hope that they were wrong.

There had to be some sort of bond between himself and Ezra.

What he felt for the Earthling was too powerful for there not to be.

Other factors had to be at play, perhaps having something to do with Ezra’s extreme dislike of him.

What he needed now was a way to solve this core issue so that the truth would show itself, and without a clear understanding of what it was about himself that was so abhorrent, he was in need of outside assistance.

Specifically, human assistance.

There were no other beings as qualified to tell him which of his qualities were turning Ezra away than those of his own species.

The problem was that he knew very few humans, and the one he lived with did not speak to him with any regularity. Unfortunately, that meant there was only one other human acquaintance of his to call on, and that human acquaintance lived an unwalkable distance away.

“Take me to Human Corbin’s location, application,” he said as clearly as he could to his cellular device.

The device heard him and issued an address for Corbin, Kentucky.

Titan did not know which kind of a creature a Kentucky was, but in his frustration, he wished very much that it would swiftly go extinct.

“Uber,” he said in his most commanding voice, “you will take me to Human Corbin’s location, or I shall deny you y our precious sustenance stars upon which you dine.”

The threat did the trick—the application produced an address Titan recognized as Human Corbin’s location.

It was simple to confirm, as due to the sensitivity of Corbin’s government position, it was the sole dwelling in its location for many miles.

Titan confirmed his desire to travel there and allowed the application to take his credits, then navigated to the rating system in order to mete out the application’s five allotted stars.

It did not deserve all five of them due to its ineptitude, but he chose to award the maximum anyway, as perhaps the positive reinforcement would help it learn.

“111 Stardust Lane,” he muttered, eyeing the address on the screen. “Albuka—Albucaque—Albu—” He scrunched his nose. “New Mexico, Earth.”

Should the application challenge him again, he now had the exact coordinates necessary to correct it.

Excellent.

Now all he had to do was wait for Carlos G. and his dreadfully slow ground vehicle to arrive, and he would be on his way.

The ground vehicle showed up approximately eight minutes later, pulling up outside the mansion’s security gate. Titan entered through the back passenger-side door and said, “Greetings, Carlos G. I would like to go to Human Corbin’s house. You know where he resides, correct?”

Carlos G.—a young adult human male with dark hair and a pleasantly dark complexion—turned in his seat and gave Titan a hard look.

Not to be outdone by this primal display of dominance, Titan gave him a hard look back.

Recognizing him as the superior specimen, Carlos G.

shook his head and turned back around to face his cellular device, which was clipped onto the console of his ground vehicle.

“Uh, I mean, I got an address here on Stardust Lane, if that’s where your friend ‘Human Corbin’ lives. ”

Titan humme d in the affirmative, and Carlos G. backed out of the long driveway and onto the street.

“Human Corbin is going to assist me with my relationship with Ambassador Ezra,” Titan said as they went, making conversation. “But perhaps I should not speak to you on this matter, as I had forgotten that this kind of relationship is taboo on your planet.”

“Hey, dude, no sweat,” Carlos G. said earnestly. “Love is love.”

“Indeed, dude. I am pleased at your understanding and lack of sweating. I am not used to sweating—it is a very disagreeable sensation, do you agree?”

“Er, yeah, I guess. ‘No sweat’ is just an expression, though.”

“Of course. I know this.” He did not know this.

Carlos G. glanced at Titan through the tiny mirror that hung from the ceiling of his ground vehicle, but he had learned his lesson, and did not threaten Titan’s dominance with any kind of hard look or stare. “I don’t recognize your accent. Where are you from?”

“I come from Madrid, Spain, Europe, Earth.”

“Oh, no kidding? ?Hablas espanol?”

Titan blinked. “They do not speak this language in Spain.”

Carlos G.’s eyebrows furrowed. “Uh… Right.”

They did not speak again.

“Titan?” Human Corbin asked, face scrunched in confusion, upon answering the door.

He was not the only one who was confused—Titan had never seen Human Corbin in such a state, with his hair sticking up every which way and his eyes crusted in the corners, as though just having awoken from unconsciousness.

The tiny human was always prim and proper and exceedingly fashionable, and to see him like this was jarring.

If these had not been Human Corbin’s home coordinates, Titan might have mistaken him for so meone else.

Human Corbin yawned big and wide, and through it concluded, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“One increment,” Titan said, frowning at his cellular device. “I am being prompted to leave a monetary offering of gratitude for the services rendered by Carlos G. What is an adequate amount? One hundred dollars seems like a good number. I feel satisfaction from the look of it.”

“What? Who the hell is Carlos G.? Why are you at my house?”

Titan sighed. He submitted the number one hundred to appease the application, then pocketed his cellular device. “I need your assistance, Human Corbin.”

Human Corbin pulled his own cellular device out of his pocket and checked the time. He groaned and scrubbed his crusty eyes. “Couldn’t you have needed my assistance at a reasonable hour?”

“But it is nearly midday.”

“Yeah, on my day off. Whatever, you’re here now. You might as well come in.”

Human Corbin stepped to the side so that Titan could enter, and Titan, murmuring his gratitude, sidled past him into his home.

Human Corbin’s dwelling was not as large as AA.

??’p’Zx and Human Jude’s, but the Darvrokian government had concluded that while modest, it was adequate for a single being.

Human Corbin led Titan through its sunny foyer into a living space with shiny wooden floors and lofted ceilings.

A spiral staircase off to the side led to the second floor, where Human Corbin had likely set up his personal unconsciousness quarters, and although Titan couldn’t see it, he knew that down the hall to the left was a set of stairs that led into the basement, where Human Corbin worked to help disguise the Darvrokians who had just come to Earth.

It was the smallest of all the floors, with only a room each for clothing, accessories, shoes, and cosmetics, and was so small, in fact, that Human Corbin had been forced to use the sitting area in the cosmetics room as the office in which he and his Darvrokian guests worked together to come up with convincing human backstories.

But Titan was not in need of revising his disguise or backstory.

Without waiting for an invitation, he took a seat on Human Corbin’s sectional, his rear-end sinking into its soft cushions, causing his feet to lift from the floor.

He adjusted himself the best he could, but could not help but feel rather small with the large couch all but swallowing his body.

“Make yourself at home, why don’t you,” Human Corbin muttered.

“Gratitude,” Titan replied, tucking a throw pillow behind his back in an attempt to sit up straighter.

While he settled, Human Corbin huffed and sat in the recliner across from him.

He crossed one leg over the other, silk pajamas riding up at the ankle to expose the delightfully fine hair he had growing there, then sank back and asked, “How can I be of service? I’m telling you now, if you need falsified documents, you’ll have to come back tomorrow.

I have a firm ‘no work on weekends’ policy. ”

“No, my identification cards and papers are all adequate,” Titan assured him. “I am here for a personal concern.”