Page 14

Ezra

“You discriminate against me,” fumed the woman sitting across from Ezra at the long conference table.

Ezra sighed. “I’m not trying to make you feel discriminated against, but we’ve been over this a thousand times—I can’t grant you access to Earth if you refuse to wear a proper human disguise.”

“My human disguise is very good,” the woman insisted.

It was not the first time she’d said as much, but unfortunately, repetition didn’t make the statement any truer.

Ezra had been trying to talk her through it for a good forty-five minutes because her paperwork was otherwise solid, and having another respected Darvrokian researcher on Earth would probably benefit Al and the kiddos, but she just couldn’t seem to understand that if she was going to come to Earth, she had to look passably human.

“You can only have two arms, dude,” Ezra reminded her. Again. “I know you think having four is more efficient—and hey, you’re probably right—but humans don’t have four arms. That’s just the way it is. ”

The woman, who looked like your typical human save for the additional pair of arms jutting out from her waist, became irate. Her chair screeched across the floor as she pushed herself up and slammed her four hands palm-down onto the table.

“This is big discrimination,” she seethed. “My arms are very important. Humans are stupid for only having two. I am not stupid, so I will have all my arms, and you will let me onto your planet, or I will complain to my government that you are hating me for no reason.”

Ezra sighed. He looked to Kyle, who was looming in the doorway, arms crossed, and nodded at him.

Kyle immediately sprang into action and approached the woman, saying something firm and authoritative in his native tongue.

The woman stopped raging at Ezra and instead began raging at Kyle, who then puffed up his chest and loomed over her as imposingly as possible.

After a few beats, the woman’s complaints petered off into muttered grumbles as she allowed Kyle to escort her from the room.

Ezra propped his elbows up on the table and buried his face in his hands, blowing out a big breath. He heard the door open and close again to signal Kyle’s return and said, voice muffled against his palms, “I think I might suck at this job, dude.”

“There is no need for formal titles, Human Ezra.” Kyle came to sit beside him, the chair groaning ominously under his weight.

He gave Ezra a couple rough pats on the back, and while the gesture was appreciated, he had to choke back a cough from the force of Kyle’s strong hand thumping between his shoulder blades.

“You need not despair. I have not seen you suck even once while performing your duty. Your lips have only ever been used for making conversation, which I find quite admirable indeed.”

“No, I—” Ezra sighed. “Thanks, bud, but that’s not really what I meant.

What I mean to say is that this is the thirteenth denial I’ve issued this week, and it’s not like I’ve been granting a ton of approvals.

Isn’t the whole point of my job that I’m, like, supposed to be proving our races can coexist peacefully?

It’s not going to look good when the government notices I’m turning down so many applications, and it’s going to look extra especially not good when they realize the reason I requested you come to work with me is because I needed a bodyguard. ”

Ezra glumly recalled an incident during which a Darvrokian had been denied entry to Earth due to the fact that he refused to hide his scales when in his human disguise.

When Ezra had told him this would mean he wouldn’t be granted a visa, the Darvrokian had started cursing him out in his mother tongue and then had proceeded to throw a chair at him.

It had taken weeks for the bruise on Ezra’s arm to heal from where he’d been hit, and if he hadn’t been so quick to react, it would have been his face.

That was when he’d recruited Kyle to accompany him to his meetings.

Jude had been more than okay with letting Ezra borrow his nanny for a couple hours a day, and Ezra felt better having a bit of muscle there to handle things if they went sideways, which lately they seemed to be doing more and more.

Kyle hummed thoughtfully.

“If it makes your feelings better,” he said, “from my observations, humans exhibit much more violence than my people. On Tuesday I entered one of your McDonald’s establishments and witnessed a woman stating to a worker that she would ‘shove a McNugget up his McAss’ if he did not provide her with the proper dipping sauces. ”

“Yeah, but customer service is just like that, though.” Ezra huffed yet another sigh and tilted his chair back, leaning against the wall and crossing his legs, ankles resting on the edge of the table.

“I thought this job would be different, and it doesn’t help that I don’t feel remotely qualified to work it in the first place.

I mean, I got hired onto this weird ambassador gig because my cat vouched for me.

This job should require like, a bachelor’s and five years’ experience in a related field minimum. ”

“You are an excellent ambassador, Human Ezra,” Kyle said with sincerity.

“It is difficult simply because you are doing the job on your own. I feel belief that my government underestimated the number of Darvrokians that would be interested in visiting Earth, given that it is an unremarkable place with bad calendars and many bad languages and a tendency toward war as a solution for otherwise solvable problems.”

“Thanks, Kyle,” Ezra said flatly.

“There is news that is good, however.”

“Yeah? What is it?”

“You will not have to do this job on your own for much time longer.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“Just now, during my mandated temporary cessation from labor, I received a transmission call from my employers—the beings you know as Mr. and Mrs. Leon.”

“Okay, and what’s that got to do with me?”

“Mr. Leon has come to the same conclusion as you—that more than one government employee is required to accomplish this task effectively. He has decided that it will be necessary to have another official assist you so you will not feel overwhelmed and will instead feel joy.”

“Oh, thank Christ,” Ezra said with a sigh of relief, letting his chair fall forward into its proper position with a thunk .

The pressure from being the only human the Darvrokians trusted in a diplomatic capacity was so crushing, it felt like a spaceship had landed directly on his chest, and the news that he was no longer going to be the only one responsible for all human and Darvrokian relations made it feel like he could breathe for what felt like the first time in a year.

“Yes, this will make everything much better for you, Human Ezra. You and young Titan Leon will do very good work together.”

The spaceship instantly crashed back down onto Ezra’s chest and knocked the wind out of his lung s, because what? Surely— surely —he had not heard that correctly.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a level tone, “but did you say Titan Leon?”

“Yes,” Kyle said with a smile, oblivious to Ezra’s internal panic. “You will recall meeting him at Al and Human Jude’s bonding ceremony, yes?”

Did he recall? Fuck yes, he fucking recalled.

The night he’d spent with Titan was never far from Ezra’s mind.

Often it was accompanied by crushing guilt—the knowledge that he’d slept with the brother of one of his best friends behind his back was gnawing at him—but he had yet to find a time that felt right to go up to Al and say, “Oh, by the way, I let your brother rail me the night before your wedding. We cool, though?”

Ezra preferred the guilt, however, because when it wasn’t that, what he tended to feel was, well…

arousal. Thinking about Titan made him really fucking horny, okay?

He wasn’t proud of it! It was just that their short tryst that night had been, unquestionably, the best sex of Ezra’s life, and it was hard—no pun intended—to not get a little worked up over it when he let his thoughts wander too far.

But that did not mean he wanted to see Titan again.

The guy was a total asshole, and Ezra had made a solemn vow to himself to never again let good dick overshadow a bad personality.

So maybe he’d fudged it up a little bit by sleeping with Titan in the first place, sure, but now he was determined to stick to his guns.

It was just… it was easier to stick to his guns when the asshole he was avoiding was light-years away and the temptation of his very fuckable body wasn’t right there on a silver platter.

“He’s not, by chance, working from Darvrok 6 remotely, is he?” Ezra asked with a fool’s hope. “Like, are we going to Zoom him into the meetings? Or, you know, the alien equivalent? ”

“No,” Kyle said brightly. “Titan has been approved for a work visa here on Earth.”

Ezra bit back a groan.

“When’s he supposed to get here?” he asked, hoping he at least had a few days—preferably a few weeks —to mentally prepare himself.

Kyle checked his watch, which was a shade of gold that was hard for Ezra to perceive if he stared at it too long. “Today,” he declared a moment later.

Ezra’s stomach dropped.

“Today?” he asked weakly.

“Today,” said a voice from the doorway, causing both Ezra and Kyle to turn and see who had sneaked up on them.

“Hello, Ambassador Ezra,” said none other than Titan fucking Leon, who looked every bit the sex god he’d been the first time they’d met. “I am certain that you are pleased to see me again.”

There was no way he’d ever be able to get out of it for real, but Ezra immediately began crafting his resignation letter in his head anyway.

He was the utter definition of fucked.